London is not only gloomy and ghostish, at least Cabby's London is not, by a dollop,

But chock-full of fun. Wot is fun you may ask. Well, I'd like to refer you to "Carrotty Chollop"!

Spot arf-a-dozen of street-boys or gutter-snipes doin' a skylark or slum double-shuffle,

And you'll find one of 'em a native born comique who'll make you crack sides with a kick or a snuffle.

Same with a cab-rank! There's mostly one cove with a mug like a clown's, needing no chalk or scarlet;

"Carrotty Chollop" 's a natural grin-maker; don't seem to try, the mischeevious young varlet.

Trying's no good, for you can't learn the comic; it comes, like a knowledge of 'osses, spontanyus.

And if without props, with the flags for a stage, you can make people laugh—well, that's wot I call janyus.

Roberts and Penley theirselves can't do more. Tell you "Carrotty Chollop" can "gag," and no error.

To bumptious 'bus drivers and 'igh-'anded bobbies and fussy old toffs 'e's a fair 'oly terror.

Never says nothink offensive—not Chollop!—'e's far too hartistic, 'is voice soft as gruel;

But still 'e can make puffy Crushers go purple with just one tongue-snack as goes 'ome and stings cruel.

Can't score off Chollop. "'E leaves nothink on," says our champion cue-'andler, "Johnny the Jigger."

'E can make fun out of anythink, Chollop can, jam-full of jokes, if 'e just pulls the trigger,

Bang goes 'is charge, sweeping like a machine-gun; old "Carrotty" ramming 'is 'ands in 'is pockets,

And cocking 'is queer ginger-scrub of a chin, while the wheezes fly round 'im like crackers and rockets.

Fussy young coppers fight shy of 'im mostly, for 'e knows the ropes, and 'e can't be caught napping.

No "two-and-six-and-two" (fine and costs) knock 'im at Marlboro' Street, 'long o' loitering or lapping.

Sharp as a weasel, and slippy as jelly, 'e's got such a manner of landing 'is wheezes

As makes the most wooden-chumped constable snigger behind 'is own cuff; then it's go as 'e pleases!

Actor? 'E's good as a pantermine, Chollop is. 'E can play simple and soft as a babby;

Make you emagine 'e's some gawping chawbacon 'stead of a hartful and up-to-date Cabby.

Struck a bright once. At the risk of 'is life stopped a runaway carriage. Old gent, name o' Jenner,

Told 'im to call at 'is 'ouse the next day; and, when Chollop turned up, old gent tipped 'im a tenner!

'E set some store on 'is life, that old codger did. Many a swell, whose sole motter seems "collar,"

After a sharp risky service like that, would 'a' thought a mere Cabby well paid with a dollar.

Many a charge against Cabbies is cackled, and many a bit o' sharp practice recorded,

But 'onesty don't come as sweet as it should when you know wot some mean by the words "well rewarded."

Wealth 'as rum notions of wages—sometimes. I once 'ad a case as tots up in this manner:—

To saving a bosky old toff from two footpads, and drivin' 'im 'ome (two miles) two-and-a-tanner!

Watch they were grabbing was worth fifty quid, and he—I persoom—was worth somethink, to someone,

Though I wouldn't buy such at tuppence a stun. In the matter o' meanness this world is a rum one.

Chollop was luckier. "Jack," 'e says, rubbing 'is rhububy chin, like a old nutmeg-grater;

"Jack, I was fair discumfuddled that journey. 'Ardly knew wich was my bloomin' equator,

And wich my North Pole. Left my 'at on the 'arthrug, and tried to shake 'ands with the mortar-haired flunkey!

Scott! if you'd seen 'im dror back with a shudder! 'Twould fetch a fair grin from a blessed brass monkey.

"A tenner! The fust my ten fingers 'ad 'andled. As crisp and as clean as my Sunday-best dickey.

Wanted to change it right off; 'fraid o' losing, or lighting my pipe with it. Paper's so tricky;

Popped in a shop for a ounce o' best shag and a sixpenny briar. But when the old codger

Clapped heyes on the flimsy in my bunch o' fives, wy 'e set me down, strite, for a fair Hartful Dodger.

"'Where did you get this?' 'e croaked, down 'is throat, like a pompous old Beak bullyragging a Cabby;

'Lawks, 'ere's a lark on!' I sez to myself. 'Hay? Git it?' I drawls, making heyes like a babby.

'Found it, perhaps?' sneers the Josser. 'Ah! p'r'aps so,' sez I, 'or maybe, dontcherknow, it was guv me.'

Lor, 'ow 'e bossed at me over 'is barnacles. Tenners, 'e thought, looked a long cut above me.

"'If you carn't give more straightforrard account of 'ow this ten-pun note came into your possession,

Wy, I shall detain it, and send for a constable,' snorts 'e, a-thinkin' 'e'd made a himpression.

'Well,' sez I, 'umble, 'a gentleman guv it me, if you must know.' Then 'e wagged 'is old pow-wow

And sez, 'I must 'ave that gent's name and address, and see into the thing, as I think sounds all bow-wow.'

"'Well, shall I take you to see 'im,' I asks, mild and mealy and timersome-like. Sniffin' orty

'E pops on a topper, and jumps in my cab. Then I druv 'im,—no, not to a 'undred and forty

In Topsawyer Square, but to Scotland Yard, strite! Then I alters my part, playing up hinjured virtue.

'Now charge me!' I sez. 'E went squelch like this hegg. 'Look ere, Cabby,' 'e starts, 'I've no wish for to 'urt you——'

"Larf? 'Ow the bobbies and me did a chortle to see 'im cave in and squirm round and skedaddle.

'Hi! Stop, Sir!' I shouts. 'For a fourteen-stun lump of fat helderly fuss, you are prompt on the paddle.

But—fare, if you please,—from your shop to the Yard! Eighteen-pence, Sir, to you, though it should be two shillin'.'

That fare knocked 'im silly, at fust. But 'e parted; and I never took a fare's money more willin'."

Chollop should go on the boards, so I tell 'im. I've 'eard 'im change patter with regular pros.

Hegged on by their lydies to take the shine out of 'im. When they've squared up, 'tis but little 'e owes.

Ah! the world's tenners are sprinkled unreglar; but talent does not always follow the money,

And many a comique at ten quid a week, though much fatter than Chollop, is not arf as funny.