  "With the New Year," says a Baronite, "there is a great desire to turn over a new leaf." Such intentions are easily satisfied by the Back-Loop Pocket Diaries, where leaves for this purpose are plentifully supplied by John Walker & Co. Likewise De La Rue & Co. offer Diaries and Memorandum Books in every size and form, and this year they have a patent clip to keep the leaf down. Ought to be advertised as "clipping!" The Baron's Baronites look into a box of Christmas books and find, first—Westward with Columbus. By Gordon Stables, M.D.C.M. Graphic account. "Stables must have been in excellent form when writing this," observes a Baronite; "evidently he was not Livery Stables."—Wreck of the Golden Fleece. By Robert Leighton. A capital sea story, plenty of rocks and wrecks, hardships and plague-ships, and all sorts of wonderful adventures.—The White Conquerors of Mexico, by Kirk Munroe, tells how Cortes and his Spaniards, being white, did Montezuma and his Aztic natives brown.—With the Sea Kings. F. H. Winder. The youthful amateur salt will find everything here to satisfy all his cravings and See-kings. "Winder has taken great panes with this," says Baronitess. "My clients," quoth the Baron, "will do well to read Baring-Gould's cheap Jack Zita." Fascinating book by reason of its picturesque effects and its description of life in the Fens at the commencement of the present century. "I wonder," muses the Baron, "whether any of my readers, being Cantabs, will call to mind how some thirty-five years ago the names of those eminent amateur pugilists J-ck Sh-ff-ld, F-rg-ss-n D-v-e, L-nn-x C-nn-ngh-m, and others were associated with life in the Fens as it existed at that time, and how these pupils of Nat Langham's now and again disputed the championship of a certain Fen Tavern, won it, and for a time held it? Some undergraduates were hand and glove with the Fenners—not the cricket-ground, so styled, but the dwellers in Fen-land; and on occasion they were hand to hand without the 'glove.'" Why this question? "Because," says the Baron, "one of the scenes so graphically described in the chapter, headed 'Burnt Hats,' might have been witnessed at the time I have referred to by any undergraduate sufficiently venturesome to accompany those fisticuffers." As for the plot, well, 'tis a good plot, and has always been a good plot, and "twill serve, 'twill serve." But it is the Baring-Gould flavouring that makes the dish acceptable to the jaded palate of oldest novel-devourer. GOOD LUCK TO IT!(To Mr. Caine and his Bill prohibiting advertisements in rural places.)Oh, Mr. Caine, for this relief much thanks. As most benignant benefactor ranks The man who saves our own sweet countryside— At once our chiefest glory and our pride— From all the many nauseating ills Which come out of advertisements of pills! Pills there must be, but when we chance to pass Through meadows and would rest our eyes on grass, Or pleasantly meander by the river, We would forget we've even got a liver. So here's success to you, Sir, in your Bill To make it wrong to advertise a pill In rural spots in which we fondly now Associate "three acres and a cow!" And when success this rural venture yields, Do for the beaches what's done for the fields! "Invisible Trouser Stretchers."—Legs.THE BABES ON THE TREASURY BENCH. THE BABES ON THE TREASURY BENCH.(With Mr. Punch's Thanks to Mr. Courtney for the Suggestion. Vide Times, Parliamentary Report, Wednesday, November 22.) 'TRANSMITTED.' "TRANSMITTED."Ignorant Bachelor Visitor. "Hullo, Throgmorton; what the deuce are your Twins up to with that Contrivance?" Proud Father (of Throgmorton, Threadneedle & Co.; Telephone 123456-1/4). "Ha! There you are, my Boy—marvellous example of inherited business instinct! They're trying to Telephone to each other!" |
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