The Olden Time Series, Vol. 4: Quaint and Curious Advertisements / Gleanings Chiefly from Old Newspapers of Boston and Salem, Massachusetts

QUAINT

AND

i0">The ways of Providence are odd.
If Theodore means "The Gift of God,"
Let us give thanks, at any rate,
The Gift was not a duplicate.

roosevelt

Rudyard Kipling

I seem to see a Shining One,
With eyes that gleam, now fierce, now tender,
Through Goggles that reflect the Sun
"With more than Oriental Splendor";
I see him sitting on a chest
Heavy with padlocks, bolts, and cording,
Where Untold Treasures hidden rest,
Treasures of Untold Yarns he's hoarding.
Oh, Rudyard, please unlock that chest!
With hope deferred we're growing hoary;
Or was it all an empty jest
Your saying, "That's another story"?

kipling

Ignace Jan Paderewski

When Paderewski is forgot,
Our children's children, like as not,
Will worship in the Hall of Fame,
Some great piano-maker's name.

paderewski

Daniel Frohman

I love to picture Daniel Frohman
In costume of a noble Roman.
For Dan has just the style of hair,
That Julius CÆsar used to wear.

frohman

Charles W. Eliot

And now comes Dr. Eliot stating
That Hell won't bear investigating.
It looks like Charlie's out to bust
The Great Hell-Fire Insurance Trust.

eliot

J. Pierpont Morgan

In Rome, when Morgan came to town,
They nailed the Colosseum down.
A great Collector! Once his Fad
Was Coins, but when in time he had
Collected all the coin in sight,
To Europe's Art his thoughts took flight.
But let not Europe palpitate
For fear of an Art Syndicate.
There are more Rembrandts, strange to say,
Than ever were in Rembrandt's day;
And statues "planted" in the sand
Will always equal the demand.

morgan

Gilbert K. Chesterton

Unless I'm very much misled,
Chesterton's easier done than said.
I have not seen him, but his looks
I can imagine from his books.

chesterton

Guglielmo Marconi

I like Marconi best to see
Beneath a Macaroni tree
Playing that Nocturne in F Sharp
By Chopin, on a Wireless Harp.

marconi

George Bernard Shaw

The very name of Bernard Shaw
Fills me with mingled Mirth and Awe.
Mixture of Mephistopheles,
Don Quixote, and Diogenes,
The Devil's wit, the Don's Romance
Joined to the Cynic's arrogance.
Framed on Pythagorean plan,
A Vegetable Souperman.
Here you may see him crown with bay
The Greatest Playwright of his day; *
Observe the look of Self Distrust
And Diffidence—upon the bust.

* For "his" read any.—G. B. S.

shaw

Brander Matthews

I'd best beware how I make free
With Brander Matthews L. L. D.
Since Prexy Wilson's paved the way
He may be President some day.

matthews

John S. Sargent

Here's Sargent doing the Duchess X
In pink velours and pea-green checks.
"It helps," says he, "to lift your Grace
A bit above the commonplace."

sargent

Arnold Bennett

'Tis very comforting to know
That every other day or so
A Book by Bennett will appear
To charm the Western Hemisphere.
I see him now, with zeal sublime,
Pounding from dawn to dinner-time
Four typewriters, with hands and feet.
When the four novels are complete,
He'll fold, and send À grande vitesse
His Quadrumanuscript to press.

bennett

Shakespeare

Will Shakespeare, the Baconians say,
Was the Belasco of his day—
Others more plausibly maintain
He was the double of Hall Caine.

shakespeare

William Howard Taft

I'm sorry William Taft is out
Of Politics; without a doubt
Of all the Presidential crew
He was the easiest to do.

taft

G. K. Chesterton

When Plain Folk, such as you or I,
See the Sun sinking in the sky,
We think it is the Setting Sun,
But Mr. Gilbert Chesterton
Is not so easily misled.
He calmly stands upon his head,
And upside down obtains a new
And Chestertonian point of view,
Observing thus, how from his toes
The sun creeps nearer to his nose,
He cries with wonder and delight,
"How Grand the SUNRISE is to-night!"

chesterton

David Belasco

Behold Belasco in his den,
Wielding the scissors, paste and pen,
And writing with consummate skill
A play by W. De Mille.

belasco

Henrik Ibsen

I once drew Ibsen, looking bored
Across a deep Norwegian Fjord,
And very nearly every one
Mistook him for the midnight sun.

ibsen

J. Forbes-Robertson

I'm told the Artist who aspires
To draw Forbes-Robertson requires
A Sargent's brush. Dear me! how sad!
I've lost the only one I had.

forbes-robertson

John Drew

For Perfect Form there are but few
That can compare with Mr. Drew;
A Form most fittingly displayed
In rÔles from London, tailor-made
By Messrs. Maughn, Pinero, Jones,
In quiet, gentlemanly tones.
The Nouveaux-Riches flock, day by day,
To learn from John how to display
(Without unnecessary gloom)
The manners of the drawing-room.
This possibly may be the cause
(Or one of them) why John Drew draws.

drew

Israel Zangwill

This picture though it is not much
Like Zangwill, is not void of worth
It has one true Zangwillian touch
It looks like nothing else on earth.

zangwill

George Bernard Shaw

George Bernard Shaw—Oh, yes, I know
I did him not so long ago.
But then, you see, I like to do
George Bernard Shaw (George likes it too).

shaw

Peter Dunne

By the Harp

"Shpeaking of Harps, sure me frind Pete
Has got the Harp of Tara beat,"
Said Mr. Dooley. "Div'l a thing
That boy can't play upon won shtring.
For all the wurrld, to hear him play
You'd think 'twas a whole orchestray.
Great Shtatesmen come from far and near
And shtop their talking, just to hear
Him harp upon the latest kinks
In politics and social jinks.
Niver was such a music sharp,
I'd orter know, sure I'm the Harp."

dunne

Saint Paul

It saddens me to think Saint Paul
Such lengthy letters had to scrawl.
And so to make his labor lighter
I picture him with a typewriter.

saint_paul

John D. Rockefeller

Few faces interest me less
Than Rockefeller's, I confess.
'Twould vastly better suit my whim
To draw his bank account, than him.

rockefeller

Hiram Maxim

From Hiram Maxim's hair you'd think
His specialty was spilling ink—
You'd never dream he'd spilt more blood
Than any one man since the Flood.

maxim

George Ade

Somehow I always like to think
Of Georgeade as a Summer Drink,
Sparkling and cool, with just a Tang
Of Pleasant Effervescent Slang;
A Wholesome Tonic, without question,
And Cure for Moral Indigestion.
In Summer-time, beneath the shade,
We find Refreshment in Georgeade.
And 'mid the Scorching City's roar
We drink him up and call for more.
I often wonder what the "Trade"
Buys half so precious as Georgeade.

ade

Christopher Columbus

Columbus is an easy one
To draw, for when the picture's done,
Where is the captious critic who
Can say the likeness is not true?

columbus

F. W. Hohenzollern

In things like this I've always tried
To look upon the Brighter Side;
And when I see the Prince, I say
"The Crown's worth something anyway."

hohenzollern

Picture of O. H. and Hafiz, the "Persian Kitten," by James Montgomery Flagg.

Picture of O. H. and
Hafiz, the "Persian Kitten,"
by James Montgomery Flagg.

hafiz

Hafiz

When Hafiz saw the portrait free,

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