The parlour as Act I. The time is seven o'clock on a sunny evening three weeks later. The stage is empty. Then Martha opens a door, looks in, enters, comes c., hesitates and sits. She is dressed in her best and looks like a country servant girl on a Sunday evening. She carries a small handbag. Sally enters from house.

SALLY (crossing and pulling up short on seeing Martha). Well, I never did see the like of you, Martha Wrigley. Strolling in and sitting you down as if you owned the place. Martha. Are you speaking to me?

SALLY. I'm not addressing my remarks to the table. Martha (with great hauteur). I believe I'm speaking to Mrs. Munning's kitchen-maid.

SALLY. Kitchen-maid! I'm a lady-help. And you couldn't get a job at cleaning steps yourself.

MARTHA. I want some of your impudence, my girl. Sally. Impudence! From me to you! I've known when you came begging a slice of bread from my lunch when we were at school, and——

MARTHA. Times change, don't they, Sally? I'm sitting in the parlour now, and your place is in the kitchen. You'll keep it, too.

SALLY. You know very well I'm only obliging Mrs. Munning temporarily.

MARTHA. I know you're idling your time in here and if you don't want me to show you up to Mrs. Munning for a dawdling slouch, you'll keep the sweet side of me.

SALLY. You do think you're some one because you're going to marry Zack. It might be Mr. Paul the fuss you make.

MARTHA (rising). It's a pity that folk can't control themselves.

SALLY. If that's meant for me, let me tell you I never lost control of myself in my life.

MARTHA. If the cap fits you can put it on.

SALLY. You'll please to tell me what you mean by that, Martha Wrigley.

MARTHA. Everybody knows you'd hopes of Zack yourself. You're only showing your jealousy.

SALLY. Me jealous of you! You'll take that back. Do you hear? You'll take that back.

MARTHA. Not me. It's a well-known fact.

SALLY. Who says?

MARTHA. I say.

SALLY. Then I call you a liar. You're a liar, and a mean, spiteful spitting cat, and——

(Martha gives back before her. Zack enters.)

MARTHA. Zack!

ZACK. Hullo, Martha. I just came in here for a bit of a sit-down. I favour a spell of peace and quiet at the close of the day.

(He just touches Martha without affection in passing and sits.)

SALLY. And all day too.

MARTHA. You hold your hush, Sally Teale. Am I to come in here to be insulted by your servant, Zack?

ZACK. Nay, I've got no servant that I ever heard of.

MARTHA. Sally.

ZACK. Eh, Martha, Sally's a decent body. She'd never insult nobody.

MARTHA. Are you going to take her side against me? Zack. I've not seen anything to take anybody's side about as yet.

SALLY. She says I'm jealous and she'll take it back.

MARTHA. I won't. As true as true, you are.

SALLY. I'm not.

MARTHA. You are.

SALLY. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

(Zack rises, comes between, puts finger in mouth and whistles.)

SALLY. I'm not.

ZACK. That's enough, lass. Whistle's gone. I'm referee and I look at it like this. You can't both be right.

SALLY. No, I'm——

ZACK. And you can't both be wrong.

MARTHA. She's——

ZACK. So it's a draw.

MARTHA. That doesn't help. She called me a liar. Zack (impressed). No. Did you, Sally?

SALLY. Yes, I did, and——

ZACK. I'm sorry to hear that of you, Sally.

SALLY (contrite). Well, she shouldn't have said——

ZACK. Maybe she spoke beyond her meaning. You did, didn't you, Martha?

MARTHA. I spoke hasty.

ZACK (to Sally). And you answered hasty, didn't you?

SALLY. I might.

ZACK. I thought so. Haste! It's the cause of half the trouble in the world. I never hurry. It's a principle with me.

MARTHA (tearfully). Zack, I'm sorry I put on airs. I won't do it again. (Comes to him. He puts arm round her).

SALLY. I'll—I'll not lose my temper again, Zack. (Comes to him. He puts his other arm round her.)

ZACK. There, there, Martha. There, there, Sally. I never did believe in arguing. It's wear and tear for nothing, and——-

(Virginia and Mrs. Munning enter, Virginia in light dress, with hat and gloves.)

VIRGINIA. Oh!

MRS. MUNNING. Going in for being a Mormon, Zack?

ZACK. No, mother. I dunno how it is, cousin Virginia, but the awkwardest things do keep happening to me. I was only reconciling them like.

MRS. MUNNING. You haven't done the bedrooms for the night, Sally.

SALLY. I'm on my way there now.

MRS. MUNNING. You'll arrive a lot sooner if you'll try going upstairs.

(Sally is about to reply, thinks better of it and goes out.)

ZACK. I'm the unluckiest chap alive, Virginia. I'd give the world to have you thinking well of me, and things fall out wrong road every time.

MRS. MUNNING. That'll do, Zack. Martha's waiting to speak to me. What is it, Martha?

MARTHA (opening her bag). This is what I came in for, Mrs. Munning. Your invitation to the wedding. Oh! (She drops some cards.)

MRS. MUNNING. Pick them up, Zack.

(Zack picks them up.)

MARTHA. I thought Zack and me might go round tonight delivering them.

(Zack, on his knee picking up cards, reverently kisses the hem of Virginia's skirt.)

MRS. MUNNING. Oh yes. (Sharply.) What are you doing, Zack?

ZACK (scrambling up). Picking up cards. (Giving them to Mrs. Munning.)

MRS. MUNNING. Why, you've had cards printed. (Returns cards to Martha.)

MARTHA. They are stylish, aren't they? (Giving a card). That's yours, Mrs. Munning. And I brought you one, Miss Virginia.

VIRGINIA. Thanks.

MRS. MUNNING. Waste of money.

MARTHA. You can't be genteel without spending a bit of money. A wedding's a wedding, Mrs. Munning, and folk have to spread themselves sometimes. Are you ready, Zack?

ZACK. I'm not so anxious, Martha. It'll mean a lot of walking.

MRS. MUNNING. I suppose you'd rather good money went on postage?

ZACK. All right, mother. I'll go. Only you know, Martha, you're tying this knot firm. A printed card's an awful binding thing.

MARTHA. My father's got to see there's no mistake.

ZACK. He's doing pretty well so far.

MARTHA. Yes. My wedding-dress is coming home tonight, too. I'll show it you if you like.

ZACK (swallowing, then), I'm like a cat on hot bricks till I see that dress.

(Martha and Zack go out.)

VIRGINIA. Poor Zack!

MRS. MUNNING. Fools pay for their folly. Did you come down for your walk with Paul?

VIRGINIA. Yes. It's about the usual time.

MRS. MUNNING. He'll be late this evening. He'd to go to Bollington this afternoon, but he'll bring you back a fairing, Jenny. He mostly went on your account.

VIRGINIA. On mine?

MRS. MUNNING. Paul's fretting because the roses he's putting in your room each day aren't good enough for you. He's gone to Bollington to see if he can't find better at the flower shop there.

VIRGINIA (coldly). He needn't have troubled, aunt.

MRS. MUNNING. Paul doesn't count it trouble to do things for you.

VIRGINIA. So he's told me.

MRS. MUNNING. Well, truth's truth, and I'm not bound to hide it. He's missed his proper bedtime every night with seeking roses here to suit him. They've got to be so fine and large before they'll do for Paul.

(Sally enters with a vase of very faded roses in her hand.)

SALLY. Do you want these leaving in your room any longer, Miss Virginia? They're that faded and done they'll stink the place out soon.

VIRGINIA. I think they might be thrown away now, Sally.

SALLY. I'd think so, too. Been there a week if it's a minute. Some one used to change them every day, but they've seemingly got tired of the job.

VIRGINIA. Yes. Put them away, please.

(Sally nods and goes out.)

MRS. MUNNING (making the best of it). I didn't know he'd given it up here altogether.

VIRGINIA. I expect he preferred a proper night's rest, aunt.

MRS. MUNNING. Not he. But that's Paul all over. If he can't get the best he'll have none. Look at the engagement ring he gave you.

VIRGINIA. Yes. It's—an engagement ring.

MRS. MUNNING. Ah, but you're like myself, Jenny. You don't value things for their appearance, but for what they mean to you.

VIRGINIA (doubtfully, fingering the ring). Yes.

(Paul enters, with hat and coat on.)

PAUL. Good evening.

MRS. MUNNING. Why, you're sooner than I expected.

PAUL. Well, I've settled it. I've done my business. I've got them mother. How are you, Jenny? (Comes round and kisses her.)

MRS. MUNNING. Have you brought them with you, Paul?

PAUL. I'll show you. Let me get my coat off.

MRS. MUNNING. The roses, I mean.

PAUL (blankly). Oh the roses.

MRS. MUNNING (quickly). They'll be sending them, I suppose.

PAUL. Well——

VIRGINIA. I'm just going upstairs.

MRS. MUNNING. You needn't run away from him the moment he comes back.

VIRGINIA. No. But I shan't be going out for a walk to-night, aunt. I'll take my hat off. (Exit Virginia.)

MRS. MUNNING. Have you no sense at all? Couldn't you tell her the roses were coming?

PAUL. They're not.

MRS. MUNNING. Not coming? And me just telling her they were all you went to Bollington for!

PAUL. You shouldn't tell her lies. You know they weren't all I went for.

MRS. MUNNING. She liked to think they were. You've got a memory like a sieve.

PAUL. I didn't forget. I went to the shop and asked the price. They wanted sixpence each. Sixpence for a single rose. Have you any idea what a lot of roses it takes to make a decent-looking bunch?

MRS. MUNNING. Will you never get it into your thick head that it's worth spending money to gain money?

PAUL. You've got the spending habit lately. There's no need to spend for the sake of spending. I'm engaged to Virginia. What more do you want?

MRS. MUNNING. I want you to keep engaged till you're married. You're growing careless and neglecting her.

PAUL. Neglecting! I gave her a kiss just now.

MRS. MUNNING. That cost you nothing. What made you stop putting flowers in her room?

PAUL. I'm not marrying a wife to stand at her heels with silly flowers. And there isn't a woman on earth worth buying roses for at sixpence a bloom.

MRS. MUNNING. Virginia's five hundred a year's worth it.

PAUL. It's not. Selling flowers at that price is robbery, and I'll be robbed by no one. Look at Joe Wrigley.

MRS. MUNNING. That won't last long.

PAUL. You're right. It won't. Zack will be married on Wednesday and off to Canada on Saturday. Just let Joe Wrigley come here after that. I'll teach him something.

MRS. MUNNING. You've got their tickets?

PAUL (showing them). I told you I had.

MRS. MUNNING. Steerage, I see.

PAUL. Of course they're steerage. Why, do you know we've to give them a matter of ten pounds before they'll let them load?

MRS. MUNNING. Well, we have to start them off with something, Paul.

PAUL. Ten pounds isn't something. It's a thundering lot.

MRS. MUNNING. In a good cause.

PAUL. A good cause is a better cause when it's cheap, and this is coming out a bit expensive.

(Enter Sally.)

MRS. MUNNING. What is it, Sally?

SALLY. The door bell, Mrs. Munning.

(Sally crosses and exit.)

PAUL. An order, if we're lucky.

MRS. MUNNING. Well, you are lucky, lately, aren't you? Everything you can think of 's going right, (Sally re-enters.)

SALLY. It's Mr. Wrigley and some friends.

(Wrigley enters with Thomas Mowatt and Harry Shoe-bridge. Mowatt is a fat, red-faced dairyman and Shoe-bridge is a farmer, tall, with brown face and mutton-chop whiskers. Wrigley has a large jug of ale and puts it on table.)

(Exit Sally.)

WRIGLEY. Good evening, Mrs. Munning. Come in, Thomas, Harry. You see, Mrs. Munning, you've been so amazing good to me lately over a bit of supper at nights that I thought I'd bring a friend or two this time to test the vittles.

MRS. MUNNING. You——

WRIGLEY. Ay, and you needn't tire your tongue with welcoming words. I can read your genial thoughts. And knowing you hadn't got it here, we brought our own ale with us. (Lifting jug.) It's a real drop of stimulant is this. Now sit down, Thomas. There you are, Harry. (Places chairs.) Well, now what shall it be? (Sits.) Seeing we're unexpected like, I think a bit of bread and cheese, eh Thomas?

THOMAS. It'll go sweetly with the ale.

WRIGLEY. So it will. Bread and cheese, Mrs. Munning. I'd not say "no" to biscuits myself.

PAUL (advancing). Joe Wrigley——

WRIGLEY. Eh, Paul, I didn't just notice you, but you're the man we want. We've really come on business, but we'll get on better when we're fortified with a bite and a sup. You know what Thomas and Harry are, don't you?

PAUL (surrendering). You'd better get the bread and cheese out, mother.

(Mrs. Munning goes reluctantly and opens door.)

MRS. MUNNING. Sally! Sally!

(Exit Mrs. Munning.)

WRIGLEY. That's right, Paul. When the Executive Committee of the Little Hulton Savings Club pay a call upon you it's a matter of common sense for you to make them feel at home.

PAUL. Mr. Mowatt and Mr. Shoebridge are on the Executive and they're welcome here, but you——

WRIGLEY. I'm on as well.

HARRY. Since last night.

WRIGLEY. As you say, Harry, since last night. I'm coopted under rule 17. Cost me a gallon of beer, but I'm co-opted. We're the Executive and we're here on a matter of business concerned with the work of the Society.

PAUL (with deference). What can I do for you, Mr. Shoebridge?

HARRY. Well, I'll tell you, Mr. Munning.

(Mrs. Munning and Sally enter. They put food and glasses on table. Wrigley pours ale. They eat and drink during the ensuing. Exit Sally.)

HARRY. You do the catering for our annual picnic, and there's a resolution standing on our minute book, recommending our members to employ you at times of private merrymaking. Thank you, Mrs. Munning.

PAUL. We've done all catering for your members at contract prices for many years.

THOMAS. That's so. And no one likes to break an old connection without warning.

PAUL. Break?

THOMAS. I reckon first to last you've made a pretty penny by us.

PAUL. I'm sure our charges to you are moderate, Mr. Mowatt.

THOMAS. They'll do. They'll do—so long as you're giving us what we want.

HARRY. It's not the charges that we're here about exactly.

MRS. MUNNING. Then what is it?

HARRY. I'm telling you as fast as I can. This is a tasty bit of cheese, Mrs. Munning.

WRIGLEY. Aye. I thought you'd relish it. It's full-flavoured but it doesn't rasp the tongue. It's mellow.

THOMAS. Meller's a great word, Joe. I like things to be meller. I like meller women and meller cheese and meller ale and meller festivals.

HARRY. Did you go to see Mr. Abbott married the other day?

THOMAS. Did I go? I'd say so. That was a proper meller occasion.

HARRY. It was that. Mellow right through. He married his wife with port wine, did Mr. Abbott.

THOMAS. I'm not partial to port wine myself. I favour ale at all times and all occasions. Ale's a beverage.

WRIGLEY. And Mr. Abbott's wedding isn't the point to-night.

THOMAS. It was a meller wedding and we want things meller always.

HARRY. That's it in a nutshell, Mr. Munning.

PAUL. I'm sure we make no differences, Mr. Shoebridge.

HARRY. Oh yes, you do. You may not know it, but you do. You have two sorts of catering, and our members want the best, or the Executive will pass a resolution advising all to patronize Wilson's of Norton.

MRS. MUNNING. I hope you won't do that, Mr. Shoebridge.

HARRY. Well, if you want to keep our connection, you'll have to do the thing our way.

PAUL. But you don't tell us what your way is. What is it we do wrong?

HARRY. I'm coming to it, lad. I'm going to touch the spot. From what we hear, your Zack's a-wedding Martha Wrigley.

PAUL. Yes?

HARRY. Well, I've nowt against it. Martha's doing unexpected well, but if Zack's satisfied I'm sure I am. But Joe Wrigley tells me that it doesn't stop at that, and being her father he ought to know. You want to emigrate them off to Canada. Now where's the sense in that?

PAUL. It seems best to us.

THOMAS. Well, I think it's rotten.

PAUL. You must allow us to be judges.

MRS. MUNNING. I think that's our business and nobody else's.

WRIGLEY (pushing back chair and rising). Come on, let's be getting over to Wilson's and making our arrangements with him.

THOMAS (rising). Yes, that's the only thing if they're going to talk that road.

PAUL. But I do wish you'd explain. What has Zack's going to Canada to do with it?

HARRY. You want a lot of telling. You have two sorts of jollifications here. Jollifications with Zack Munning and jollifications without. We want them with.

MRS. MUNNING. With Zack?

HARRY. He's the difference I've been telling you about.

MRS. MUNNING. Zack is! He never does anything.

HARRY. He does enough. I know what you mean. He's a bit of a fool at doing most things is Zack, but he's got a gift for jollifications. I couldn't point to where it is myself. Zack's just to come and moon about and drop a word into an ear there and take a woman's arm here and the thing's done. You might call it a knack he has.

THOMAS. He mellers things. That's where it is. It's like this, Mrs. Munning. You can eat cheese without supping ale to it, but you don't get satisfaction. And Paul can run a wedding without Zack being there, but it's not hearty—not what I'd call a jollification. It's stiff and hard. No feeling in it. No mellerness.

HARRY. Zack's got a way with him. He's an artist. If the talk's going flat, or anybody recalls a subject that's not fit to be recalled at a wedding—an old quarrel or such like,—what does Zack do but break a plate? and smiles that smile of his, and all's well in a moment.

MRS. MUNNING. Well, this is a revelation to me. I don't know what to say.

PAUL. I do. He'll go to Canada.

WRIGLEY. Is that your last word?

MRS. MUNNING. No. We'll talk this over, Paul.

PAUL. It's gone too far for talking now. I've bought their tickets.

WRIGLEY. They'll do to light a fire with.

MRS. MUNNING. We'll let you have your answer later, Mr. Shoebridge.

HARRY (by door). All right, Mrs. Munning. You're wise enough to know a hasty temper doesn't pay in business. I could give a good guess at your answer.

WRIGLEY. I'm not fond of guessing myself, so I'll stay here to get it. I'm concerned twice over. As a member of the Executive and as father of the bride to be.

THOMAS. We'll leave it to you, Joe.

WRIGLEY. I reckon you can.

HARRY. Good evening, Mrs. Munning.

MRS. MUNNING. Good evening to you.

(Exeunt Thomas and Harry.)

MRS. MUNNING. I suppose we can put this down to you, Joe Wrigley.

WRIGLEY. You might be farther out.

PAUL. You'd nothing to say against emigrating them when I mentioned it.

WRIGLEY. No, but I thought a lot. I'd a father's feelings, and they went too deep for words.

MRS. MUNNING. What have you done this for, Joe?

WRIGLEY. Two reasons, and I don't know which is bigger of the two. Zack's worth good money here. If I'd a mind to ruin your trade I'd let him go, and make you find out what you've missed. But that's not Joseph Wrigley's way. I kill no geese that lay me golden eggs. And reason number two. Aye, and this weighs heaviest. I want the pleasure of knowing they're living in the village here and the satisfaction of watching your face look sour and sourer for the sight of them. I'll teach you something for sacking me.

(Virginia enters, during this speech.)

PAUL. Will you, Joe? You've given me two reasons why you think you will. I'll give you two why you won't.

WRIGLEY. You will?

MRS. MUNNING. Be careful, Paul. (She puts hand on his arm.)

PAUL (shaking her off). The first's Zack isn't married yet to Martha and the second is he isn't going to be. Their engagement's served my purpose.

VIRGINIA. What was your purpose, Paul?

PAUL. Oh! I didn't see you, Jenny.

WRIGLEY. Never mind her. You're speaking to me. Zack shall marry Martha or I'll make your name a stink in Little Hutton.

PAUL. Get out.

WRIGLEY. You'll eat a lot of dirt for this, Paul Munning. Banns called and wedding fixed and people asked. (By door, then turns). Is Zack to marry Martha?

PAUL. He's not.

WRIGLEY. Then the band is going to play and, by George, I'll make you dance to it.

(Exit Wrigley.)

VIRGINIA (quietly). You must tell me what this is, Paul.

PAUL. It's Joe Wrigley making a mistake. Thinks he can bounce me, does he?

MRS. MUNNING. You'd better be careful, Paul. Joe Wrigley's one thing when he's one of our men, but he's another now he's got on that committee.

PAUL. I'd like to wring his neck. The cunning swine.

MRS. MUNNING. Zack's not to go to Canada.

PAUL. All right. He's not. I'll go to Bollington tomorrow and get the money back on the tickets. But he shan't marry Martha either. I'll get even with Joe Wrigley there.

VIRGINIA. What does Zack say?

PAUL. Zack? What's Zack to do with it?

VIRGINIA. It's his marriage, you know.

PAUL. Zack 'll do as he's told. He wasn't marrying her because he wanted to.

VIRGINIA. Why was he marrying?

PAUL. Because I wanted it. I don't want it now.

MRS. MUNNING. We're in a ticklish corner with Joe Wrigley, Paul.

PAUL. Do you want me to hold my hands up to Joe Wrigley?

MRS. MUNNING. You'll take care what you do? I don't want my business damaged worse than it is.

PAUL. Your business?

MRS. MUNNING. It is my business, I believe. You're only my manager, and I warn you to be careful or I'll set about making a change. I've learnt something to-night.

VIRGINIA. So have I.

PAUL. Mother, you don't believe Joe's tales of Zack!

MRS. MUNNING. I'd not believe a sacked man's tales of anything, but I believe Mowatt and Shoebridge, and I know who it is they want at the weddings. It's been a shock to me to find they favour Zack, but it's Zack they want and Zack they're going to get.

PAUL. A nice mess he'll make of things.

MRS. MUNNING. That remains to be seen. He's never had his chance till now, but he's just as much my son as you are, Paul.

VIRGINIA. Yes, he was just as much your son when you neglected him and kept him down and gave Paul all your love. And just as much when you and Paul let Zack walk into Wrigley's trap and never raised a hand to save him, and when you schemed to send him out to Canada to save your pride from being hurt, and when you changed your mind about him now—not from regret or any love for Zack, but when you found your business would do better with him here. Oh, I've been stupid too. I let myself be blinded by the dust you both threw in my eyes, but I'm not blinded now and——

PAUL. Will you be quiet, Virginia?

MRS. MUNNING. If I made a mistake; Jenny, I've owned to it.

VIRGINIA. You've owned to it! Does that make up to Zack for all the years you've slighted him, for the chances that he might have had and Paul has robbed him of? For——

PAUL. Robbed! I think you're forgetting whose ring you're wearing on your finger.

VIRGINIA. Your ring? Yes. There's your ring.

(She takes it off and throws it at him. Zack and Martha enter. Martha is in a stupidly elaborate wedding-dress. The ring misses Paul, hits Zack and falls.)

ZACK. I think I heard something drop.

VIRGINIA. Yes. I've dropped Paul.

MRS. MUNNING. Jenny!

PAUL. You might have damaged that ring badly. It cost me thirty shillings.

VIRGINIA. You are having an expensive time, lately.

MARTHA (picking up ring). Oh, it's a beautiful ring.

PAUL. Yes. Give it to me.

VIRGINIA. No. Put it on, Martha.

PAUL. What!

VIRGINIA. Put it on.

(Martha puts it on.)

Do you like the look of it on your finger?

MARTHA It's a vision.

VIRGINIA. Is it? Do you like the man that goes with that ring?

PAUL. That's my ring, Virginia.

VIRGINIA. I'm quite aware of that. Do you like Paul, Martha? Will you take Paul Munning for your lawful wedded husband?

ZACK. I'm not very quick at thinking, Virginia, but I think you're getting things mixed up like.

PAUL. She's gone mad.

VIRGINIA. Have I aunt?

MRS. MUNNING. I don't know, Jenny.

VIRGINIA. You do know. You know Joe Wrigley has the power to ruin you unless Martha becomes Mrs. Munning. She's going to become Mrs. Munning, but not Mrs. Zack Munning.

ZACK. But I've passed my word to Martha. We've had banns called in church.

VIRGINIA. Are you in love with Martha, Zack?

ZACK. Well——

VIRGINIA. Are you or are you not?

ZACK. You do ask the awkwardest questions, Virginia.

VIRGINIA. That's good enough for me. Martha, it's a pity to waste that wedding-dress. Would you rather marry Zack or Paul?

MARTHA. I've never dared to lift my eyes as high as Mr. Paul.

VIRGINIA. It's not so high. Stand on a chair if it'll make you feel easier. It's like this, Martha. Paul's missing something by not marrying me, but there's a matter of five hundred pounds that I'll give him in the vestry on his wedding-day with you. Of course if he doesn't marry you there's no five hundred pounds, and there is your father.

MRS. MUNNING. And a new manager for my business too.

PAUL. Mother!

VIRGINIA. So you've got it all three ways, Paul. Martha, you needn't be afraid. Canada with Zack was the riskiest gamble a woman ever thought of, but England with Paul is something solid. You'll have friends to Watch you and to watch Paul, too.

PAUL. But—but——

VIRGINIA. That's all right, Paul. You needn't thank me now. And if you'd like to take Martha out for a walk, I shan't prevent you.

MARTHA. Me walk through Little Hulton by the side of Mr. Paul! Oh, Miss Virginia, I'd never have the face.

VIRGINIA. I've told you you're bringing him good money. You give and he takes.

PAUL. Do I take?

VIRGINIA. Don't you?

PAUL. Mother, have you nothing to say?

VIRGINIA. She's come down on the right side of the fence at last, Paul.

MRS. MUNNING. I'll not pretend I'm pleased, but it's a way out.

PAUL. You'd see me sacrificed like this?

MRS. MUNNING. You'll not forget that Martha's in the room, will you?

ZACK. I suppose I'll do wrong thing if I open my mouth, but I'll speak my mind for once and chance it.

VIRGINIA. What's the matter, Zack? You didn't want to marry Martha?

ZACK. I didn't and I did. I've no right to be selfish, and I didn't like the thought of it at first. I'm the wrong sort of husband for her as I am.

VIRGINIA. Very well, then———

ZACK. Aye. As I am I'm wrong, and I know I'm wrong. But I might not be so wrong in Canada. I've never had a chance afore, and this thing's grown on me a bit. I've wanted my chance, and it looked like I was getting it. You never know what a foreign country will do for a man, and Canada began to look a chance to me. I'd hopes of Canada. And now you say I'm not to marry Martha, and I'll never get a chance again.

MARTHA. I'd rather marry Mr. Paul, if he's willing, Zack.

VIRGINIA. He's willing.

ZACK. Maybe you're right, Martha. Paul's a bigger man than me and I mustn't be selfish. But I'd begun to be hopeful, and I own this is a blow to me. I'll go out for a breath of air.

VIRGINIA. Stay where you are, Zack. Paul and Martha are going out together.

PAUL. That's advertising it a bit, and her in her wedding-gown and all.

VIRGINIA. It's meant to advertise it, Paul. There's your hat. Give her your arm now.

MARTHA. Oh, Mr. Paul!

(They go up to door, arm in arm.)

VIRGINIA. And I'll tell you something, Paul. You're great at talking of the cost of things. A pleasant look costs no more than a sour one, so see what you can do.

(Exeunt Paul and Martha. Virginia closes door.)

Now then, aunt, is there anything you'd like to say to Zack?

MRS. MUNNING. He's the cause of more trouble than he's worth, and has been since the day he was born.

ZACK. Yes, mother. I knew it must be all my fault some road.

VIRGINIA. I suppose that way of speaking to him is force of habit, aunt. But it's time you changed your habits now. Don't you think you'd feel better if you apologized to Zack?

MRS. MUNNING. Apologized!

VIRGINIA. I've a belief myself in paying debts.

MRS. MUNNING. I don't owe Zack for much.

VIRGINIA. Only thirty years' neglect.

ZACK. You mustn't talk like that to mother, Jenny. You can't expect a great soft thing like me to get same care taken of him as she took of Paul. You don't treat carthorses like you'd treat a racer.

VIRGINIA (to Mrs. Munning, ignoring Zack). So you've nothing to say to him?

MRS. MUNNING. I don't know that I have.

VIRGINIA. You're leaving quite a lot to me.

MRS. MUNNING. We know what's good for Zack. Some folk don't pay for kindness.

VIRGINIA. Some never get a chance. Zack's had your method long enough. We'll try mine now.

MRS. MUNNING. And what is yours?

VIRGINIA. Bring me some hot water and a towel, Zack.

ZACK. Hot water?

VIRGINIA. In a jug.

ZACK. Yes, Jenny. I knew there'd be hot water in it somewhere. (Exit Zack.)

MRS. MUNNING. What's this for?

VIRGINIA. A clean start and a clean chin and Zack's first lesson in the art of self-respect.

MRS. MUNNING. Meaning you're going to swell his head.

VIRGINIA. No, aunt. Only to shave his beard. I'm going to talk to Zack and a lather-brush will be a handy thing to stop his mouth with if he tries to answer back before I've done.

(Zack re-enters with steaming jug and a towel.)

ZACK. It's very hot. I found the kettle on the boil.

VIRGINIA. All the better.

ZACK (apprehensively). Yes, Jenny.

MRS. MUNNING. And you think I'll stay here and watch you do it?

VIRGINIA. Well, aunt, I rather hoped you wouldn't.

MRS. MUNNING. You're taking charge of things, young lady.

VIRGINIA. I've come to the conclusion that it's time. (Mrs. Munning meets her eye, quails and goes out.) Zack, go upstairs and bring me down the birthday present that I gave you.

ZACK. It's not upstairs, Jenny.

VIRGINIA. Where is it, then? I want it.

ZACK. I keep it in my pocket.

VIRGINIA. No wonder your coat fits like a sack. Give it me.

ZACK. You're not going to take it off me because I didn't use it, are you?

VIRGINIA. I'm going to use it. Sit down. (She pushes him into chair and puts towel round his neck.) Tell me why you carried this about with you.

ZACK. It's because I——— (hesitates.)

VIRGINIA. Well?

ZACK. Because you gave it me.

VIRGINIA. I gave it you for use. Keep still now. (She trims his beard with scissors.)

ZACK. Yes, Jenny. I know, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. They're too grand for using on the likes of me. Oh! (She deliberately pricks him.)

VIRGINIA. What is it?

ZACK. You ran the scissors into me. It doesn't matter though.

(She pricks again.)

Oh, Jenny, that did hurt a bit.

VIRGINIA. I meant it to. Don't you dare to say it doesn't matter when you're hurt or I'll hurt you again.

ZACK. No, Jenny.

(She turns to table and makes lather.)

VIRGINIA. And when I give you anything and tell you to use it, you won't imagine it's too grand for you. You'll use it; (Her back is still turned to him. He fingers the stubble on his chin and nervously holds the chair-arms, watching her timorously.)

ZACK. Yes, Jenny.

VIRGINIA (turning with lather-brush). Very well. Now I can start talking to you. (She holds brush poised. He eyes it.)

ZACK. You've not done badly up to now for a non-starter. (She puts brush in his mouth). Oof!

VIRGINIA (lathering). If you open your mouth again unless I tell you to, that's what you'll get. Now, Zack Munning, who do you think you are? (Stands from him). You may answer.

ZACK. Well I suppose I'm—— I dunno. I'm nobody much.

VIRGINIA (approaching and lathering). You can't answer. Then I'll tell you. You are not nobody. You're a person of considerable importance. For one thing, you're the mainstay of your mother's business. When you go to weddings, they're liked, and when you don't they're disliked. Paul is not popular. You are. You may speak.

ZACK. You've no right to run down Paul like that, Jenny.

VIRGINIA. I'm not running him down. I'm putting him in his place in comparison with you. Now, is that understood? You're of more value here than he is.

ZACK. Oh, but, Jenny—oof! (He gets the brush in his mouth.)

VIRGINIA. If you like a mouthful of soap at every word I utter you can have it. If you don't, sit quiet and listen. Where was I coming to? Oh yes. Martha Wrigley. You didn't love her, Zack. Why did you let them force her on to you?

ZACK. I do hate argument, Jenny. Paul argued and Joe argued and he's a powerful voice for arguing has Joe, and so I just said "yes" to make an end of it.

VIRGINIA (taking razor). You'd better turn round to the light now. I don't want to plough your face. Carry the chair to the window.

ZACK. Yes, Jenny.

VIRGINIA. Sit down and let me see what I can make of you. (She shaves.) You just said "Yes" to save yourself the trouble of saying "No" and never thought of anybody else but Paul and Joe.

ZACK (moving in protest). Oh yes, I did, Jenny.

VIRGINIA (alarmed). Be careful, Zack. I don't want to cut you.

ZACK. Well, I did think of some one else.

VIRGINIA. Who?

ZACK. I thought of Martha.

VIRGINIA. Never mind Martha.

ZACK. But I must mind her. She looked to me for consolation did Martha, and I don't think Paul's as good at consoling a wench as I am.

VIRGINIA. Oh? So we've found something we're better at than he is, have we?

ZACK. I'm bound to think of Martha's feelings, Jenny.

VIRGINIA. Martha's parading the high street with Paul. Her feelings are all right.

ZACK. My conscience isn't easy about her, Jenny. We've been called in church together and——

VIRGINIA (holding out razor). And you can finish shaving by yourself.

ZACK. But I don't know how. I've never used a razor in my life.

(Virginia puts razor on table. Zack rises, half shaved.)

VIRGINIA. It's time you learned.

ZACK. You were getting on so well.

VIRGINIA. So were you till you began to talk rubbish about Martha Wrigley. Go and ask her to finish shaving you.

ZACK. Have I said anything to offend you, Jenny?

VIRGINIA. Have you said——? You think a lot about other people, Zack. Do you never think of me?

ZACK. I do that. But it's not the same.

VIRGINIA. The same as what?

ZACK. It's common thinking when I think of them. When I think of you it's something a bit special. It's thinking with my hat off, like going into church. It's Sunday best and I couldn't bring myself to talk of it the same way as I'd talk of them. It's not for talking of at all. It's holylike. That's why I haven't mentioned it.

VIRGINIA (takes up razor. Zack flinches). Sit down again. I'll finish shaving you.

ZACK. Will you, Jenny? (He sits.)

VIRGINIA. Yes. Don't talk or you'll get cut. Now listen, Zack. Martha Wrigley's getting what she wants. She's marrying Paul and she'll be the proudest woman in the place. So you can put her out of mind. If you want to say "good-bye" to her, you can go and say it when I've finished shaving you. Only you'll say it in words. You're a bit too free with your consolations, and I've not shaved you for Martha Wrigley to have the benefit of your virgin chin. You've finished with her, Zack, you understand?

ZACK. Yes, Jenny.

VIRGINIA. Very well. Now you can get up and look at yourself in that glass.

ZACK (peering into glass in lid of shaving set). Why, Jenny, I'd not have known myself. Is yon lad me?

VIRGINIA. It's you.

ZACK. Well, I tell you what, Jenny, if I'd met that face in the lane on anybody else but me, I'd have said he wasn't a bad looking chap at all.

VIRGINIA. It's not a face you're meeting in the lane. It's your face.

ZACK. That's the surprising part about it. Why, it's very near worth taking the trouble to shave every day.

VIRGINIA. I'll see you take the trouble.

ZACK. And I'll look like this every day!

VIRGINIA. You will.

ZACK. Well, but if that's so, and I'm free of Martha, why.... No. I'm getting ahead too fast.

VIRGINIA. Not you. Take another look at yourself if you're afraid about anything.

ZACK (looking). I'm pretty near good-looking enough to chance it. Dang it, I will chance it, and all—No. No. I'm not quite bold enough for that.

VIRGINIA (holding glass in front of him). Look again.

ZACK. Well, you can't eat me anyhow. Jenny, I've got a heap of love for you. I've loved you since the day I met you, and I've been the miserablest chap on earth because of what's been happening since. Things always do go wrong with me, and they've been going the wrongest road they could, but, by gum, there's just a chance to put them right this time, and I'll dash at it if I'm hanged for it. Jenny it's the most bowdacious thing to come from me to you, but I'm wrought up to point and I've got to speak or bust. Will you have me, lass?

VIRGINIA. Kiss me, Zack.

ZACK. But—but—do you mean to say you'll——

VIRGINIA. You great baby.

ZACK (embracing her). Eh, I could hug you till you broke. Love? Love's the finest state of man. I'm—I'm—— No. There aren't words made for this. Its too tremendous big for words. Jenny, it's true? You're not—You're not just playing with me.

VIRGINIA. No. It's true. Oh, Zack!

ZACK. Jenny! (Kiss.)

CURTAIN.