Hodge. Sim Glover, yet gramercy! cham meetly well-sped now,
Th'art even as good a fellow as ever kiss'd a cow!
Here is a thong indeed, by the mass, though ich speak it;
Tom Tankard's great bald curtal, I think, could not break it!
And when he spied my need to be so straight and hard,
Hase lent me here his nawl, to set the gib forward;
As for my gammer's nee'le, the flying fiend go wi' it!
Chill not now go to the door again with it to meet.
Chould make shift good enough and chad a candle's end;
The chief hole in my breech with these two chill amend.

THE THIRD ACT. THE SECOND SCENE.

Gammer, Hodge.

Gammer. Now Hodge, may'st now be glad, cha news to tell thee;
Ich know who hase my nee'le; ich trust soon shall it see.
Hodge. The devil thou does! hast heard, gammer, indeed, or dost but jest?
Gammer. 'Tis as true as steel, Hodge.
Hodge. Why, knowest well where didst lese it?
Gammer. Ich know who found it, and took it up! shalt see ere it be long.
Hodge. God's mother dear! if that be true, farewell both nawl and thong!
But who hase it, gammer, say on; chould fain hear it disclosed.

Gammer. That false vixen, that same dame Chat, that counts herself so honest.
Hodge. Who told you so?
Gammer. That same did Diccon the bedlam, which saw it done.
Hodge. Diccon? it is a vengeable knave, gammer, 'tis a bonable whoreson,
Can do mo things than that, els cham deceived evil:
By the mass, ich saw him of late call up a great black devil!
O, the knave cried "ho, ho!" he roared and he thundered,
And ye 'ad been here, cham sure you'ld murrainly ha' wondered.
Gammer. Was not thou afraid, Hodge, to see him in this place?
Hodge. No, and chad come to me, chould have laid him on the face,
Chould have, promised him!
Gammer. But, Hodge, had he no horns to push?
Hodge. As long as your two arms. Saw ye never Friar Rush
Painted on a cloth, with a side-long cow's tail,
And crooked cloven feet, and many a hooked nail?
For all the world, if I should judge, chould reckon him his brother.
Look, even what face Friar Rush had, the devil had such another.
Gammer. Now, Jesus mercy, Hodge! did Diccon in him bring?
Hodge. Nay, gammer, hear me speak, chill tell you a greater thing.
The devil (when Diccon had him, ich heard him wondrous well)
Said plainly here before us, that dame Chat had your nee'le.
Gammer. Then let us go, and ask her wherefore she minds to keep it;
Seeing we know so much, 'twere a madness now to slip it.
Hodge. Go to her, gammer; see ye not where she stands in her doors?
Bid her give you the nee'le, 'tis none of hers but yours.

THE THIRD ACT. THE THIRD SCENE.

Gammer, Chat, Hodge.

Gammer. Dame Chat, ch'ould pray thee fair, let me have that is mine!
Chill not these twenty years take one fart that is thine;
Therefore give me mine own, and let me live beside thee.
Chat. Why art thou crept from home hither, to mine own doors to chide me?
Hence, doating drab, avaunt, or I shall set thee further!
Intends thou and that knave me in my house to murther?
Gammer. Tush, gape not so on me, woman! shalt not yet eat me,
Nor all the friends thou hast in this shall not entreat me!
Mine own goods I will have, and ask thee no by leave:
What, woman! poor folks must have right, though the thing you aggrieve.
Chat. Give thee thy right, and hang thee up, with all thy beggar's brood!
What, wilt thou make me a thief, and say I stole thy good?
Gammer. Chill say nothing, ich warrant thee, but that ich can prove it well.
Thou set my good even from my door, cham able this to tell!
Chat. Did I, old witch, steal aught was thine? how should that thing be known?

Gammer. Ich cannot tell; but up thou tookest it as though it had been thine own.
Chat. Marry, fie on thee, thou old gib, with all my very heart!
Gammer. Nay, fie on thee, thou ramp, thou rig, with all that take thy part!
Chat. A vengeance on those lips that layeth such things to my charge!
Gammer. A vengeance on those callet's hips, whose conscience is so large!
Chat. Come out, hog!
Gammer. Come out, hog, and let have me right!
Chat. Thou arrant witch!
Gammer. Thou bawdy bitch, chill make thee curse this night!
Chat. A bag and a wallet!
Gammer. A cart for a callet!
Chat. Why, weenest thou thus to prevail?
I hold thee a groat, I shall patch thy coat!
Gammer. Thou wert as good kiss my tail!
Thou slut, thou cut, thou rakes, thou jakes! will not shame make thee hide [thee]?
Chat. Thou skald, thou bald, thou rotten, thou glutton! I will no longer chide thee;
But I will teach thee to keep home.
Gammer. Wilt thou, drunken beast?

[They fight.

Hodge. Stick to her, gammer, take her by the head, chill warrant you this feast!
Smite, I say, gammer! Bite, I say, gammer! I trow ye will be keen!
Where be your nails? claw her by the jaws, pull me out both her eyen.
Gog's bones, gammer, hold up your head!
Chat. I trow, drab, I shall dress thee.
Tarry, thou knave, I hold thee a groat! I shall make these hands bless thee!
Take thou this, old whore, for amends, and learn thy tongue well to tame,
And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame!
Hodge. Where is the strong stewed whore? chill gi'r a whore's mark!
Stand out one's way, that ich kill none in the dark!
Up, gammer, and ye be alive! chill fight now for us both.
Come no near me, thou scald callet! to kill thee ich were loth.
Chat. Art here again, thou hoddypeke? what, Doll! bring me out my spit.
Hodge. Chill broach thee with this, by m'father's soul, chill conjure that foul spreet.
Let door stand. Cock! why com'st indeed? keep door, thou whoreson boy!
Chat [to Doll]. Stand to it, thou dastard, for thine ears, ise teach thee, a sluttish toy!
Hodge. Gog's wounds, whore, chill make thee avaunt!
Take heed, Cock, pull in the latch!
Chat. I'faith, sir Loose-breech, had ye tarried, ye should have found your match!
Gammer. Now 'ware thy throat, losel, thou'se pay for all!
Hodge. Well said, gammer, by my soul.
Hoise her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull her throat-bole!
Chat. Com'st behind me, thou withered witch? and I get once on foot!
Thou'se pay for all, thou old tar-leather! I'll teach thee what longs to 't!
Take thee this to make up thy mouth, till time thou come by more!

Hodge. Up, gammer, stand on your feet; where is the old whore?
Faith, would chad her by the face, chould crack her callet crown!
Gammer. Ah, Hodge, Hodge, where was thy help, when vixen had me down?
Hodge. By the mass, gammer, but for my staff Chat had gone nigh to spill you!
Ich think the harlot had not cared, and chad not come, to kill you.
But shall we lose our nee'le thus?
Gammer. No, Hodge, chwere loth to do so.
Thinkest thou chill take that at her hand? no, Hodge, ich tell thee no.
Hodge. Chould yet this fray were well take up, and our nee'le at home,
'Twill be my chance else some to kill, wherever it be or whom!
Gammer. We have a parson, Hodge, thou knows, a man esteemed wise,
Mast Doctor Rat; chill for him send, and let me hear his advice.
He will her shrive for all this gear, and give her penance straight;
Wese have our nee'le, else dame Chat comes ne'er within heaven-gate.
Hodge. Yea, marry, gammer, that ich think best: will you now for him send?
The sooner Doctor Rat be here, the sooner wese ha' an end.
And here, gammer! Diccon's devil, as ich remember well,
Of cat, and Chat, and Doctor Rat, a felonious tale did tell.
Chold you forty pound, that is the way your nee'le to get again.
Gammer. Chill ha' him straight! Call out the boy, wese make him take the pain.
Hodge. What, Cock, I say! come out! What devil! can'st not hear?

Cock. How now, Hodge? how does gammer, is yet the weather clear?
What would chave me to do?
Gammer. Come hither, Cock, anon!
Hence swith to Doctor Rat, hie thee that thou were gone,
And pray him come speak with me, cham not well at ease.
Shalt have him at his chamber, or else at Mother Bee's;
Else seek him at Hob Filcher's shop, for as cheard it reported,
There is the best ale in all the town, and now is most resorted.
Cock. And shall ich bring him with me, gammer?
Gammer. Yea, by and by, good Cock.
Cock. Shalt see that shall be here anon, else let me have on the dock.
Hodge. Now, gammer, shall we two go in, and tarry for his coming?
What devil, woman! pluck up your heart, and leave off all this glooming.
Though she were stronger at the first, as ich think ye did find her,
Yet there ye dress'd the drunken sow, what time ye came behind her.
Gammer. Nay, nay, cham sure she lost not all, for, set th'end to the beginning,
And ich doubt not but she will make small boast of her winning.

Tib, Hodge, Gammer, Cock.

Tib. See, gammer, gammer, Gib, our cat, cham afraid what she aileth;
She stands me gasping behind the door, as though her wind her faileth:
Now let ich doubt what Gib should mean, that now she doth so doat.
Hodge. Hold hither! I chould twenty pound, your nee'le is in her throat.
Grope her, ich say, methinks ich feel it; does not prick your hand?
Gammer. Ich can feel nothing.
Hodge. No! ich know there's not within this land
A murrainer cat than Gib is, betwixt the Thames and Tyne;
Sh'ase as much wit in her head almost as ch'ave in mine.
Tib. Faith, sh'ase eaten something, that will not easily down;
Whether she gat it at home, or abroad in the town Ich cannot tell.
Gammer. Alas, ich fear it be some crooked pin!
And then farewell Gib! she is undone, and lost all save the skin!
Hodge. 'Tis your nee'le, woman, I say! Gog's soul! give me a knife,
And chill have it out of her maw, or else chall lose my life!
Gammer. What! nay, Hodge, fie! Kill not our cat, 'tis all the cats we ha' now.
Hodge. By the mass, dame Chat hase me so moved, ich care not what I kill, ma' God a vow!
Go to, then, Tib, to this gear! hold up her tail and take her!
Chill see what devil is in her guts! chill take the pains to rake her!
Gammer. Rake a cat, Hodge! what wouldest thou do?
Hodge. What, think'st that cham not able?
Did not Tom Tankard rake his curtal t'o'er day standing in the stable?
Gammer. Soft! be content, let's hear what news Cock bringeth from Mast Rat.

Cock. Gammer, chave been there as you bad, you wot well about what.
'Twill not be long before he come, ich durst swear off a book,
He bids you see ye be at home, and there for him to look.
Gammer. Where didst thou find him, boy? was he not where I told thee?
Cock. Yes, yes, even at Hob Filcher's house, by him that bought and sold me!
A cup of ale had in his hand, and a crab lay in the fire;
Chad much ado to go and come, all was so full of mire.
And, gammer, one thing I can tell: Hob Filcher's nawl was lost,
And Doctor Rat found it again, hard beside the door-post.
I chold a penny can say something, your nee'le again to set.
Gammer. Cham glad to hear so much, Cock, then trust he will not let
To help us herein best he can; therefore, till time he come
Let us go in; if there be ought to get thou shalt have some.