James Boswell

“My father had all along so firm, so dry a mind, that religious principles, however carefully inculcated by his father and mother, and however constantly they remained on the surface, never incorporated with his thoughts, never penetrated into the seat of his affections. They were a dead range, not a quickset hedge. The fence had a good appearance enough, and was sufficiently strong; but it never flourished in green luxuriance, never blossomed, never bore fruit. The ground within, however, produced plentiful crops of useful exertions as a judge, and improvements as a landed ^laird gentleman. And let it be considered that there may be a fine fence round barren, unprofitable land.”

24th Sept., 1780.

“Maclaurin[108] maintained that bashfulness was the compound effect of vanity and sensibility.[109] Nichols contended that it was quite corporeal, for the same man will be at one time bashful, and at another time quite easy. ‘That is,’ said Maclaurin, ‘he has at one time a higher notion of himself than at another.’ ‘No,’ said Nichols, ‘it is a trick which the nerves play to the imagination.’”

23rd Sept., 1780.

“My friend Johnston[110] advised me to have our family crest, a hawk, cut upon a pebble which I found on the channel of the Lugar, which runs by Auchinleck. Said he, ‘Let him perch on his native stone.’”

22nd Sept., 1780.

“It is not unusual for men who have no real freindship(sic) nor principle to have at the same time so sanguine an opinion of their own abilities, that they imagine they can impose on others as if they were children. They will do them an essential injury, and at the same time try to persuade them that they have done only what was fair and right. They are like determined rogues, who first rob, and then blindfold you that you may not pursue them.”

24th Sept., 1780.

“Nichols said one should never dispute with a woman, for she has not understanding enough to be convinced; at least, never will own herself in the wrong, and always will be angry with you.”

22nd Sept., 1780.

“Nichols said he liked better to converse with women than with men of the greatest sense and knowledge. He owned he could gain no acquisition to his intellectual stock from them, but they diverted and cheered him. I said he had them like housemaids to sweep the cobwebs from his mind and give it a polish.”

22nd Sept., 1780.

“A man who wishes just to be easy will always avoid those subjects which he has discovered are hard and puzzling. Nay, he will not even take the trouble to make the selection, but like a luxurious indolent eater, wherever he finds any piece in the least degree tough he will let it alone.”

23rd Sept., 1780.

“Nichols said that a man of the ton, as the phrase is,—of high breeding, and fashionable air, has at first an irresistible superiority over plain men, others who have not such superficial advantages. He has a shake of the head which frightens you, but when you are once used to him you laugh at the shake.”

23rd Sept., 1780.

“In winter 1779, after Scotland had been exhausted by raising new levies, Sir William Augustus Cunningham[111] boasted in the House of Commons that 20,000 men might yet be raised in that country and never be missed, either from manufactures or agriculture. The Hon. Henry Ershire[112] said he believed it was true. But they must be raised from the churchyards.”

From himself.

“A ludicrous recruiting advertisement was given about in Edinburgh in 1778, inviting, amongst many other denominations, all man midwives to join the King’s standard (repair to the drumhead and acquire glory). Mrs. Dundas, of Melville,[113] pleasantly asked if Dr. Young, the most eminent practitioner in midwifery, would enlist. ‘No, madam,’ said the Hon. Henry Erskine, ‘he has already right to as great a title as he could acquire in the army.’ ‘Ay,’ said she, ‘what is that?’ ‘Madam,’ said he, ‘the deliverer of his country.’”

From himself.

“In 1780 there was published at Edinburgh an account of Lord George Gordon,[114] with his head. He was then in the Tower for high treason. Harry Erskine said, ‘The next thing we shall have will he an account of Lord George Gordon without his head.’”

I was present.

“When Boswell was introduced to Mr. Samuel Johnson, who had a very great antipathy at the Scotch, ‘Mr. Johnson,’ said he, ‘I come from Scotland, but I can’t help it.’ ‘Sir,’ said Johnson, ‘that I find is what a very great many of your countrymen cannot help.’”[115]

“Lord Eglintoune[116] said that the hearts of the ladies were like a looking-glass, which will reflect an image of the object that is present, but retains no trace of what is absent.”

I was present.

“Doctor Blair[117] asked Macpherson[118] why he lived in England, as he certainly could not be fond of John Bull. ‘Sir’, said he, ‘I hate John Bull, but I love his daughters.’”

Doctor Blair.

“Boswell was walking with some ladies at Ranelagh, when a large young woman passed by. ‘That lady,’ said Boswell, ‘has a great deal of beauty; it cannot, indeed, well be exprest, but it may be felt.’”

“Lady Fanny Montgomerie[119] met with a very handsome woman in the highlands of Scotland, who had so much simplicity of manner that she had never seen herself but in the water. Lady Fanny showed her a little pocket mirror, which gave her a clear view of her own face, and asked her if she ever had seen anything so handsome. ‘Madam,’ said she, ‘by your asking that question I should imagine that your ladyship had never seen such a glass as this.’”

Lord Eglintoune.

“Boswell was talking away one evening in St. James’s Park with much vanity. Said his friend Temple, ‘We have heard of many kinds of hobby-horses, but, Boswell, you ride upon yourself.’”

“A stupid fellow was declaiming against that kind of raillery called roasting, and was saying, I am sure I have a great deal of good nature; I never roast any. ‘Why, sir,’ said Boswell, ‘you are an exceedingly good-natured man, to be sure; but I can give you a better reason for your never roasting any. Sir, you never roast any, because you have got no fire.’”

“A keen Scott (sic) [Dr. Ogilvie][120] was standing up for his country, and boasting that it had a great many noble wild prospects. ‘Sir,’ said Mr. Samuel Johnson, ‘I believe you have a great many noble wild prospects. Norway, too, has got some prospects; and Lapland is remarkable for prodigious noble wild prospects. But, sir, I believe the noblest prospect that a Scotchman ever sees is the road which leads him to England.’”

I was present.

“When the Duke de Nivernais was sent ambassador from France to England, at the first inn in Britain he was charged a most extravagant bill. The people of the house being asked how they could use him so ill when he was a stranger, they replied that was the very reason; for as they chose to observe Scripture rules, ‘He was a stranger,’ said they, ‘and we took him in.’”

Captain Temple.[121]

“Boswell asked Mr. Samuel Johnson what was best to teach a gentleman’s children first. ‘Why, sir,’ said he, ‘there is no matter what you teach them first. It matters no more than which leg you put first into your bretches (sic). Sir, you may stand disputing which you shall put in first, but in the meantime your legs are bare. No matter which you put in first so that you put ’em both in, and then you have your bretches on. Sir, while you think which of two things to teach a child first, another boy, in the common course, has learnt both.’”

I was present.

“Mr. Samuel Johnson doubted much of the authenticity of the poems of Ossian. Doctor Blair asked him if he thought any man could describe these barbarous manners so well if he had not lived at the time and seen them. ‘Any man, sir,’ replied Mr. Johnson,—‘any man, woman, or child might have done it.’”

Doctor Blair.

“Boswell was praising the English highly, and saying they were a fine open people. ‘Oh,——,’ said Macpherson, ‘an open people! their mouths, indeed, are open to gluttony to fill their belly, but I know of no other openness they have.’”

I was present.

“Boswell was telling Mr. Samuel Johnson how Macpherson railed at all established systems. ‘So would he tumble in a hog-stye,’ said Mr. Johnson, ‘as long as you look at him and cry to him to come out; but let him alone, never mind him, and he’ll soon give it over.’”

“Hall,[122] the author of ‘Crazy Tales,’ said he could not bear David Hume for being such a monarchical dog. ‘Is it not shocking,’ said he, ‘that a fellow who does not believe^fear in God, should believe^fear in a king?’”

Mr. Dempster.[123]

“Mr. Samuel Johnson, after being acquainted with Lord Chesterfield, said, ‘I see now what this man is. I thought he had been a lord among wits, but I find he is only a wit among lords.’”

Doctor Robertson.[124]

“Mr. Samuel Johnson was once at Windsor, and dined with the mayor. But the fellow (said he) not content with feeding my body, thought he must feed my mind too, and so he told me a long story how he had sent three criminals to the plantations. Tired to death with his nonsense, ‘I wish (to God),’ said Johnson, ‘that I was the fourth.’”

Mr. Sheridan.[125]

“A bishop was flattering Sir Robert Walpole[126] egregiously. A gentleman asked him how he could bear such fulsome stuff. ‘Sir,’ said he, ‘if you were as severely scourged in the House of Commons as I am, you would be glad of any dog to lick your sores.’”

Mr. Dempster.

“An officer on the recruiting service made his regular returns to the regiment, in which he said that he had as yet got none, but that he had a man of six foot two in his eye. ‘All nonsense!’ said the colonel; ‘recall him immediately. He has had that fellow in his eye these six years.’”

Captain Webster.[127]

“Lord Chesterfield told a half-pay lieutenant that he would bring him back to full pay in the same rank. ‘My lord,’ said he, ‘I detest the name of lieutenant so much that I would not be made Lord Lieutenant of Ireland.’”

A Stranger.

“Boswell said that a man is reckoned a wise man rather for what he does not say than for what he says. Perhaps upon the whole Limbertongue speaks a greater quantity of good sense than Manly does. But Limbertongue gives you such floods of frivolous nonsense that his sense is quite drowned. Manly gives you unmixed good sense only. Manly will always be thought the wisest man of the two.”

“Dempster, who was a great republican, was presenting an address one day at court. He was hurt to see subordination prevail so much, and was shocked to see the keen and able Lord Marchmont[128] bowing just like the rest. He said he looked like a chained eagle at a gentleman’s gate.”

From himself.

“Mr. Samuel Johnson said that all sceptical innovators were vain men; and finding mankind allready (sic) in possession of Truth, they found they could not gratify their vanity in supporting her, and so they have taken to error. Truth (said he) is a cow which will yield such people no more milk, and so they are gone to milk the bull.”

I was present.

“Captain Erskine[129] complained that Boswell’s hand was so large, that his letters contained very little. My lines (said Boswell) are, like my ideas, very irregular, and at a great distance from each other.”

“Sir W. Maxwell[130] said he was allways affraid (sic) of a clever man till he knew if he had good nature. ‘Yes,’ said Boswell; ‘when you see a clever man you see a man brandishing a drawn sword, and you are uneasy till you know if he intends only to make it glitter in the sun, or to run you through the body with it.’”

“A robust Caledonian was telling (in the Scots pronunciation) that he was born in Embro. ‘Indeed!’ said an English physician: ‘upon my word, the prettiest abortion I ever saw.’”

Mr. Crawfurd,[131] Rotterdam.

“Boswell said that men of lively fancies seldom tell a story so distinctly as those of slower capacity, as they confound the intellect with an excess of brilliancy. It is a common expression, I cannot see for the light. It may also be said, I cannot understand you; you shine so much.”

“Boswell told Mr. Samuel Johnson that a gentleman of their acquaintance maintained in public company that he could see no distinction between virtue and vice. ‘Sir,’ said Mr. Johnson, ‘does he intend that we should believe that he is lying, or that he is in earnest? If we think him a lyar, that is not honouring him very much. But if we think him in earnest, when he leaves our houses let us count our spoons.’”

“Mr. Sheridan, though a man of knowledge and parts, was a little fancifull (sic) in his projects for establishing oratory and altering the mode of British education. ‘Mr. Samuel Johnson,’ said Sherry, ‘cannot abide me, for I allways ask him, Pray sir, what do you propose to do?’”

From Mr. Johnson.

“Boswell was talking to Mr. Samuel Johnson of Mr. Sheridan’s enthusiasm for the advancement of eloquence. ‘Sir,’ said Mr. Johnson, ‘it won’t do. He cannot carry through his scheme. He is like a man attempting to stride the English Channel. Sir, the cause bears no proportion to the effect. It is setting up a candle at Whitechapel to give light at Westminster.’”

“When Mr. Trotz,[132] Professor of Civil Law at Utrecht, was at Copenhagen, he had a mind to hear the Danish pulpit oratory, and went into one of their churches. At that time the barbarous custom of making spoil of shipwrecked goods still prevailed in Denmark. The minister prayed with great fervency: ‘O Lord, if it please Thee to chastise the wicked for their sins, and to send forth Thy stormy winds to destroy their ships, we beg that Thou mayest throw them upon our coasts rather upon any other, that Thy chosen people may receive benefit therefrom, and with thankful hearts may glorify Thy holy name.’”

Mr. Trotz.

“‘Tres faciunt collegium’ is the common adage. A professor of law at Utrecht came to his college one day, and found but one student. He would not have it said that he was obliged to dismiss for want of auditors. So he gravely pronounced, ‘Deus unus, ergo duo in tres. Tres faciunt collegium. Incipemus.’”

An Utrecht Student.

“An English gentleman who was studying at Geneva was introduced to Mr. Voltaire, and at one of the comedies which were given at the Delice he had the part of a stupid absurd Englishman assigned to him. The gentleman was modest and anxious, and was saying he did not know well how to do. Mr. Voltaire encouraged him: ‘Sir,’ said he, ‘don’t be affraid. Just act in your own natural way, and you’ll do very well.’”

Mr. Temple.

“The King of Prussia asked an English gentleman why the civil law did not universally prevail in Great Britain. The gentleman replied, Because we are not Romans. ‘That is true,’ said the King, ‘but your nation has produced many Romans.’”

M. Giffardier.

“When Lord Hope[133] was presented to the King of Prussia, he told him that he made in one summer the tour of Denmark, Sweden, and Norway. ‘Ay,’ said the king, ‘and pray, my lord, why have you not been in Siberia?’”

M. Giffardier.

“Mr. Samuel Johnson said of Sheridan, ‘Sherry is dull, naturally dull, but it must have cost him a great deal of pains to become so exceedingly stupid; such an excess of stupidity is not in nature.’”

Mr. Dempster, from Foote.[134]

“The Earl of Marchmont and Lord Littleton[135] differed warmly about the authenticity of Fingal. Macpherson said he should like to see them fighting a duel in Hyde Park. ‘See them!’ said Dempster: ‘no one man could possibly see them, they would stand at such a distance from one another.’”

I was present.

“When Derrick was made King of Bath, Mr. Samuel Johnson said, ‘Derry may do very well while he can outrun his character, but the moment that his character gets up with him he is gone.’”

I was present.

“When Dempster was at Brussels, a young gentleman of Scotland was very bad. Dempster said that the surgeons poured mercury into him as if he had been the tube of a weather-glass.”

“Boswell told Mr. Samuel Johnson that Sir James Macdonald[136] said he had never seen him, but he had a great respect for him, though at the same time a great terror. ‘Were he to see me,’ said Mr. Johnson, ‘it would probably lessen both.’”

“Mr. Samuel Johnson told Boswell that Dr. Goldsmith when abroad used to dispute in the universities, and so get prize money, which carried him on in his travels. ‘Well,’ said Boswell, ‘that was indeed disputing his passage through Europe.’”

“Boswell was saying that Derrick was a miserable writer. ‘True,’ said Mr. Samuel Johnson,[137] ‘but it is to his being a writer that he owes anything he has. Sir, had not Derrick been a writer, he would have been sweeping the crosses in the streets, and asking halfpence from everybody that passed.’”

“A good-natured, stupid man, at Bath, wanted to appear a man of some consequence by talking often with Mr. Quin,[138] although he had nothing earthly to say more than ‘Your servant, Mr. Quin! I hope you are well.’ Quin bore with him for some time, but at last he lost patience, and one day when the gentleman came up to him with a ‘Mr. Quin, I hope you are well!’ Quin replied, ‘Yes, sir, I am very well, and intend to be so for six months to come; so, sir, till that time I desire you may not again ask me that question.’”

Mr. Rose, at Utrecht.

“Mr. Samuel Johnson and Boswell slept in one room at Chichester. A moth flew round the candle for some time, and burnt itself to death. ‘That creature,’ said Mr. Johnson, ‘was its own tormentor, and I believe its name was Boswell.’”[139]

“Mr. Fordyce[140] said that a man of public character who falls into disgrace in England receives immediate punishment from the mob; and is a greater man than Orpheus, who only made live animals follow him, whereas the rogue makes dead cats come after him.”

I was present.

“Baldie Robertson, a Scotch advocate, asked Boswell to accompany him to cheapen a couple of rooms of Lucky Rannie’s. She told him, ‘Sir, you shall just have them for a guinea a week, you furnishing coal and candle.’ Baldie, with much emotion, cried out, ‘But I tell you, woman, I have no coal and candle.’”

“Boswell said of Miss Stewart, of Blackhall,[141] ‘that more brilliant beauties came armed with darts and attacked men as foes, but Miss Stewart carried no weapons of destruction, and treated with them as with allies.’”

“Lord Eglintoune said to Boswell, whose lively imagination formed many schemes, but whose indolence hindered him from executing them, ‘Jamie, you have a light head, but a heavy a——.’”

“Lord Eglintoune said to Boswell, who was maintaining that by habit he would acquire the power of application to business, ‘Application must be an original vigour of mind. The arm of any blacksmith may become so strong by habit that he may gain his bread; but if he has not natural strength he will never make excellent work.’”

“The Spaniards are a noble people; at least, their gentlemen have great souls. At a famous battle there was a brave Spanish officer who had been wounded in many actions, and had but one eye left. A bullet came and struck it out as he was charging at the head of his troops, and wounded him mortally. With calm and solemn dignity he called to his men, ‘Bonas noctias, cavilieros’ (‘Good night, my fellow-soldiers’).”

Mr. Rose.

“A German baron, newly arrived at Paris in a suit trimmed with almaches—that is, small lace disposed so as to look like horns—went to the theatre just in his travelling dress, and getting behind the scenes showed himself upon the stage. The Parterre began to make a noise like the firing of cannon. One of the players begged to know what was the matter, when a gentleman replied, pointing to the baron, ‘Animal, ne voys tu pas que nous attaqons cette ouvrage a corne?’ ‘You fool, don’t you see that we are attacking that hornwork?’”

M. Giffardier.

“Monsieur Chapelle satirized with much keenness the petits maÎtres of his time. One of them who chanced to be in company with him exclaimed against these satires, and said he wished he knew the author—he would beat him heartily. He plagued the company with his threatenings, especially Chapelle, whom he sat next to and shouldered. At last Chapelle gave a spring, and turning up his back to him, cried, ‘Frap et va t’en!’ (‘Strike, and get thee gone!’)”

M. Giffardier.

“When M. Voltaire was in England he had a great desire to see Dr. Clarke,[142] but the Doctor, who had heard his character, would not be acquainted with him; at last he fell in with a friend of Dr. Clarke’s, who asked him to be of a party where the Doctor was. Voltaire went and seated himself next to the Doctor, in full expectation of hearing him talk, but he remained very silent. Voltaire, in order to force him to speak, threw out all the wild profane rhodomontades that his imagination could suggest against religion. At last Dr. Clarke turned about, and looking him steadily in the face with the keen eagle eyes for which he was remarkable, ‘Sir,’ said he, ‘do you acknowledge that two and two make four?’ Voltaire was so confounded by this that he said not another word.”

Mr. Brown.[143]

“A dull German baron had got amongst the English at Geneva, and, being highly pleased with their spirit, wanted to imitate them. One day an Englishman came in to the baron’s room, and found him jumping with all his might upon the chairs and down again, so that he was all in a sweat. ‘Mon Dieu! Monsieur le baron,’ dit-il, ‘que faites-vous?’ (‘Good God! baron,’ said he, ‘what are you about?’) ‘Monsieur,’ replied the baron, wiping down his temples with a handkerchief, ‘j’apprens d’Être vif’ (‘I am learning to be lively’).”

Mademoiselle de Zoilen.

“Mr. Thomas Hunter,[144] minister at New Cumnock, was visiting his parish on a very cold day. At a substantial farmer’s they set him down an excellent smoaking haggis. ‘Come,’ said he, ‘here is the grace:—O Lord, we thank Thee for this warm Providence.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“When Mr. Sheridan lived at Windsor he used often to meet a very awkward fellow who did not know how to hold his arms. Mr. Sheridan said the fellow always made him imagine that he was carrying home a pair of arms that somebody had bespoke.”

From himself.

“When Mr. David Hume began first to be known in the world as a philosopher, Mr. Thomas White, a decent rich merchant of London, said to him, ‘I am surprised, Mr. Hume, that a man of your good sense should think of being a philosopher. Why, I now took it into my head to be a philosopher for some time, but tired of it most confoundedly, and very soon gave it up.’ ‘Pray, sir,’ said Mr. Hume, ‘in what branch of philosophy did you employ your researches? What books did you read?’ ‘Books?’ said Mr. White; ‘nay, sir, I read no books, but I used to sit you whole forenoons a-yawning and poking the fire.’”

Sir David Dalrymple.[145]

“Pierot, the biting French satirist, had often applied to be admitted member of the Academie Royale, and still was rejected. One day, after hearing their disquisitions, a freind (sic) asked him, ‘N’ont-ils pas beaucoup d’esprit?’ ‘Esprit?’ replied Pierot, ‘sans doute ils out beaucoup d’esprit. Ils out esprit comme quatre.’ The society is forty-eight in number.”

“Mr. Tronchin,[146] physician at Geneva, an intimate friend of Mr. Voltaire, told Mr. Brown, the English minister at Utrecht, that one time when Voltaire was very bad, he was under the greatest terror for death, and he used this strong expression to Mr. Tronchin,—‘Sir, if I were put upon the rack at three o’clock in the afternoon, and had both my legs and both my arms broke, if I had my choice either to die immediately or to live till seven at night, I would choose to live till seven.’ A fortnight after, when he was quite recovered, he was talking against religion with as much wildness and extravagance as ever, and seemed highly delighted with shaking the faith of all the company. Mr. Tronchin, who was present, got up with indignation, went round to Voltaire, and catching him by the breast, said, ‘You pitiful wretch! are you, for a little gratification of vanity, endeavouring to destroy the only pillars which can support mankind at that awful hour which made you so lately tremble like a coward?’ In contradiction to this story, see in my Journal the account which Tronchin gave me of Voltaire.”[147]

Mr. Brown.

“During a hot action between the French and the allied armies, in which the former were defeated, a French grenadier was taken prisoner by an officer of the Iniskilling [Enniskillin] dragoons. He immediately demanded of the prisoner, ‘Where is Marshal Broglio?’ The brave grenadier replied, with the high spirit of a French soldier, ‘Il est partout.’ He is everywhere.”

M. Giffardier, from the Officer.

“As a strong picture of the difference between French and German manners, the following story will serve: An English officer in Germany during the war kept a girl. She had a great deal of spirit, and for a frolic she would pay a visit to the enemy’s outpost. She first came to a French centinel, who seeing a pretty—nay, elegant lady coming towards him, immediately grounded his arms, pulled off his hat, and with all the politeness in the world saluted her with ‘Ah, madame, je suis charmÉ,’ &c. She put out her hand, which he kissed with great gallantry. She then went to a German centinel in the French service. When he observed her approaching, he looked stern and shoved her back with his hand; and when she attempted still to advance, he held out his fusil. She ran briskly off, crying, ‘You brute, we have taken Cassel!’”

“After a defeat of the French in Germany by the Prussians, a French soldier got his back against a tree, and was defending himself against four or five Prussians. The King of Prussia came up himself, and called out to the soldier, ‘Mon ami, croyez-vous que vous Êtes invincible?’ He replied, ‘Oui, sire, si j’etois commandÉ par vous.’”

Mr. Giffardier.

“After another defeat of the French by the Prussians, a French soldier said to his companion while they were running off, ‘Vraiment cet Roi de Prusse est un brave homme. Je crois qu’il a servi en France.’”

Mr. Giffardier.

“After the defeat of the French at Rosbach, there happened a ludicrous enough incident. A little French officer was taken prisoner by a tall, fierce, black hussar. After making him deliver up his sword, his watch, and his money, the hussar made him get up behind him and hold fast, and away he galloped; and all the time, with the greatest sang froid, he was eating apples out of his pocket, and now and then, with a humph, threw one over his shoulder to the officer, who, for fear of his displeasure, eat them every one most faithfully.”

Mr. Giffardier, from the officer himself.

“When Boswell was a young, giddy, frolicsome dog in London, a parcel of sarcastical Scots, dining at Almack’s,[148] were enlarging much on his imprudence. ‘I do not know,’ said Dempster, ‘how Boswell may do in this world, but I am sure he would do very well in a better.’”

From Miss Dempster.[149]

“Boswell complained that he had too good a memory in trifles, which prevented his remembering things of consequence. ‘My head,’ said he, ‘is like a tavern, in which a club of low punch-drinkers have taken up the room that might have been filled with lords who drink Burgundy, but it is not in the landlord’s power to dispossess them.’”

“A gentleman was complaining that upon a long voyage their provisions were very bad, and, in particular, that their beef turned quite green. ‘Very right, sir,’ said Caleb Whitefoord,[150] ‘you know all flesh is grass, and therefore ought to be green.’”

I was present.

“Boswell says that a man who sets out on the journey of life with opinions that he has never examined is like a man who goes a-fowling with a gun that has never been proved.”

“Boswell, who had a good deal of whim, used not only to form wild projects in his imagination, but would sometimes reduce them to practice. In his calm hours he said with great good humour, ‘There have been many people who built castles in the air, but I believe I am the first that ever attempted to live in them.’”

“A gentleman said of a clumsy wench that she was as hot as fire. ‘Yes,’ said Boswell, ‘but in a very different way. The fire feels nothing, but communicates the heat to other bodies; but this wench leaves all cold around her while she herself is burning.’”

“A young lady was wishing much to be her own mistress. ‘You are mine, miss,’ said her lover, ‘and that is much better.’”

“Mademoiselle de Zuyl told Boswell one day, ‘Monsieur, cette aprÈs-midi j’ai voulee convaincre ma chere mere de quelque chose, mais elle ne vouloit pas m’entendre, et pour m’echaper elle a courue de chambre en chambre. J’ai la suivi pourtant et j’ai raisonnÉe.’ ‘Eh bien, Mademoiselle,’ replied Boswell, ‘c’etoit un raisonnement suivi.’”

“A gentleman told Boswell that one of his studious freinds used to have a bottle of wine set upon his desk in the evening, and that generally he caught himself at the end of it. ‘Ay,’ said Boswell, ‘I suppose, sir, he took care not to catch himself before he got to the end of it.’”

“A forward fellow asked Boswell one day the character of a certain general officer. ‘Sir,’ said Boswell, ‘the gentleman is a general, and I do not choose to enter into particulars.’”

“When Boswell had the rage of getting into the Guards, he talked of it to John Home,[151] whose poetry breathed a martial spirit, and therefore might approve his desire to be a soldier. ‘Sir,’ said John Home, ‘the Guards are no soldiers; they are just beefeaters, only they don’t eat beef.’”

“Boswell was at Leyden in the year 1764. The Hon. Charles Gordon[152] said to him with affected diffidence, in order to receive a compliment, ‘Mr. Boswell, I would willingly come and see you for a day at Utrecht, but I am afraid I should tire you.’ ‘Sir,’ replied Boswell, ‘I defy you to tire me for one day.’”

“When Boswell was passing through Leyden, in the year 1764, he put up at the ‘Golden Ball,’ and was shown into the great parlour, which, as in all the inns in Holland, is a public room. As he was eating a sober bit of supper there entered three roaring West Indians, followed by a large dog. They made a deal of rude noise. The waiter thought it incumbent upon him to make an apology for their roughness. ‘Sir,’ said he, ‘they are very good-natured gentlemen.’ ‘Yes, yes,’ said Boswell, ‘I see they are very good-natured gentlemen, and in my opinion, sir, the dog seems to be as good-natured as any of the three.’”

“When Mr. de Neitschutz, Grand Ecuyer du Prince d’Anhalt-Dessau was sent to the King of Prussia to treat with him, and to beg that he would not demand such great subsidies, the King used to say, ‘Mon ami, il faut soutenir des armees. Je ne suis pas en etat de la faire. Vous savez que je n’ai rien. Il faut que je vole.’”

M. de Neitschutz.

“When Voltaire was at Berlin he used to be rude to the King of Prussia. The King came into his room one day when he had before him on a table a great parcel of his Majesty’s verses, which he no doubt put in order very freely. The King called to him, ‘Que faites-vous, Voltaire?’ He replied, ‘Sire, j’arrange votre linge sale.’”

M. Lestsch au’devant Gouverneur du P. D’Anhalt.

“After the battle of Colline, where the King of Prussia was sadly defeated, his Majesty stood in a musefull melancholy, and looked through his glass at a battery of cannon which was still playing and was within reach of him. His troops had all retired, only the Scots General Grant stood behind him at a little distance; a cannon bullet took away the skirt of his coat, and at last when he found that the King made no preparation to retire, he came up to him and said, ‘Est-ceque votre majeste veut prendre la batterie tout seul?’ The King looked at him with approbation, and said, ‘Allons, mon ami,’ and retreated. ‘Eh bien, Grant,’ said he, ‘c’est une triste affaire.’”

Mr. Secretary Burnet.[153]

“During one of his campaigns the King of Prussia composed a sermon entitled ‘Sermon sur le jour de jugement prechÉ devant l’AbbÉ de Prade, par son aumonier ordinaire l’IncredulitÉ.’ L’AbbÉ de Prade was his reader. The sermon was a grave discourse, full of Scripture phrases. It might have been preached in any church in Europe.”

Mr. Secretary Burnet.

“Mr. Burnet was one day riding along with the Prussian army through a wood. He heard behind him a voice crying, ‘March furt in der Deivells naam,’ but did not think that the King had been near him. He turned about, however, and there was his Majesty’s horse’s mouth touching Burnet’s horse’s tail. The King had lost a battle. The weather was bad. He was muffled up in his great-coat, was in very bad humour, and looked confoundedly sulky. Burnet was anxious to make way for him, and immediately put spurs to his horse and sprung away. The wood was so thick that the branches caught hold of him and drove off his hat and wig. He had shaved his head that morning, so that there he was, he sticking with his white skull exposed to the elements. The King, notwithstanding his ill-humour, could not help being diverted, and burst out into an immense fit of laughter. He then said to Burnet, ‘Monsieur, je vous demande pardon, mais je m’en vais le reparer.’ He then called to a soldier, ‘Geve die Heer syn Hoed en zyn peruik.’”

Mr. Secretary Burnet.

“The King of Prussia sometimes used to amuse himself in the most extraordinary manner. After having played on his flute till he was tired, he would say to the AbbÉ de Prade, ‘Allons, si j’etois membre du Parlement d’ Angleterre voici comment je parlerais;’ then he would harangue on the balance of power, &c., like a very Pitt.”

Mr. Secretary Burnet.

“The British Envoy’s mail was once seized going from Berlin. It was said to have been done by the Ambassador of France. Mr. Mitchell said,[154] ‘Je n’en crois rien.’ ‘Peut Être,’ said one, ‘il a reÇu des ordres pour le faire et qu’est ce que cela feroit,’ said Mitchell. ‘Monsieur,’ said the gentleman, ‘si vous aviÉz reÇu des ordres du Roi votre maÎtre de saisir une Malle ne voudriez vous pas le faire?’ ‘Monsieur,’ replied Mr. Mitchell, ‘Premierrement le Roi mon maÎtre ne me donnera jamais des telles ordres. En second lieu, assurement je ne les obeierois pas, “non,” je lui ecrirois, Si vous, Sire, voulez faire des choses comme cela, il faut envoyer un voleur, et non pas tacher de faire un voleur de votre Envoye.’”

Mr. Mitchell himself.

“Boswell was presented to the Duke of Argyle,[155] at Whitton, in the year 1760. The duke talked some time with him, and was pleased, and seemed surprised that Boswell wanted to have a commission in the guards. His Grace took Boswell’s father aside, and said, ‘My lord, I like your son. That boy must not be shot at for three and sixpence a day.’”

“Lord Auchinleck and his son were very different men. My lord was sollid (sic) and composed; Boswell was light and restless. My lord rode very slow; Boswell was one day impatient to get on, and begged my lord to ride a little faster; ‘for,’ said he, ‘it is not the exercise which fatigues, but the hinging upon a beast.’ His father replied, ‘What’s the matter, man, how a chield hings, if he dinna hing upon a gallows?’”

“When Captain Augustus Hervey was lying in the port of Leghorn, some of the first people of the country paid him a visit aboard his ship. He ordered his men to draw up a bucket of water, and presented it to the nobles, bidding them drink that. ‘Why,’ said they, ‘’tis salt water.’ ‘Is it?’ said he. ‘Then know that wherever this water is found the King of Great Britain is master.’”

Captain Wake.

“Mr. Burnet went once into a Presbyterian kirk. The minister lectured on these words,—‘You shall take no scrip for your journey.’ ‘A scrip,’ said he, ‘my beloved brethren, was a clockbag, a portmanteau, or a wallise.’”

Himself.

“A gentleman was saying at Voltaire’s table, ‘J’ai lu un telle chose.’ ‘Monsieur,’ said Voltaire, ‘il ne faut pas croire tout ce qu’on a lu.’ ‘Monsieur,’ replied he, ‘j’ai pourtant lu tous vos ouvrages.’”

The Gentleman.

“Boswell said that to be a good rural poet a man must have an appetite for the beauties of nature as another has for his dinner. A man who has a poor stomach will never talk with force of a good dinner; nor will he whose taste is feeble talk with force of a fine prospect. This kind of taste must be felt, and cannot even be imagined by others.”

“Boswell said that a dull fool was nothing, as he never showed himself. The great thing, said he, is to have your fool well furnished with animal spirits and conceit, and he’ll display to you a rich fund of risibility. He said this at a certain court in Germany.”

“A formal fellow at Paris paid a great many long-winded compliments to Mademoiselle AmetÉ, the Turk. When he had finished, she said to the gentleman next her, ‘Je ne puis pas soutenir cet homme la; il me parle comme un Dedicace.’”

My Lord Marischal.[156]

“Boswell said that young people are often tempted to resign themselves to a warm fancy or a strong benevolent passion, because they have read that those who are thus agitated are nobler beings, and enjoy a felicity superior to that of sedate rational men. But let them consider that all these fine things have been said by the hot-brained people themselves, and that one who is drunk may and does boast as much his intoxicated situation. The impartial method of judging what state of mind is happiest is to hear the voice of the majority of sensible men, most of whom, either when young or when drunk, have felt the enticing delirium. If none approve it but such as immediately feel it, we may pronounce it a false joy. For other states, of mind, as the cool circumspection of wisdom, the moderate tenderness of affection, the solemn ardour of devotion, the noble firmness of manly honour,—these others approve of; others wish to possess.”

“Boswell asked, ‘Why have we not a neat phrase to express our being eager to see, equivalent to “I pricked up my ears” when eager to hear?’”

“When Sir Adam Fergusson[157] was at Dusseldorf he admired much an organ in one of the churches, and wished greatly to hear an English tune upon it. Barnard, (nephew to the great Sir John, and) a merchant at Dunkirk, was there. He begged of the organist to give him liberty to play the vespers, which he agreed to. Barnard played the solemn music very gravely, but by way of a voluntary he gave ‘Ally Croaker.’ He, however, adorned it with several variations, so that the organist said, ‘Monsieur, en que c’est un beau morceau.’”

Mr. Barnard.

At the court of Saxe-Gotha there were two ladies of honour, Mesdemoiselles de Rickslepen, sisters, very pretty, but very little. Boswell said to a baron of the court, “Monsieur, il faut les prendre comme des alouettes, par la demi-douzaine.”

“When Poniatowsky[158] was made king of Poland, anno 1764, many of the first nobles opposed his election, as they imagined that he would follow the system of the King of Prussia, and introduce arbitrary power. Le Comte de Sapia, grand Ecuyer de la Lithuanie, quitted his country in discontent. He passed some time at the court of Gotha. One of the courtiers there said to him, ‘Monsieur, vous qui aimez tant la libertÉ vous devez aller en Angleterre.’ ‘Dieu m’en garde!’ cried he; ‘non; il faut aller en France, pour apprendre nos nouveaux devoirs.’”

La Grande Maitresse de Gotha.

“Boswell showed some of his verses to a German professor, who understood English. The professor was highly pleased with them. When he laid them down Boswell said, ‘I wrote some of them last night.’ ‘Ah,’ said the professor, ‘I did not know they had been yours, sir, or I should have praised them more.’”

“A prince talked of a subject of learning—a piece of history, and said, ‘Je ne sais en veritÉ.’ Another prince said, ‘On trouvera cela peut Être dans un dictionnaire.’ ‘H’m, oui,’ said another^third prince, ‘ui, on le trouvera dans un dictionnaire.’”

I was present.

“Boswell said the English language was like the ancient Corinthian brass. When Corinth was burnt, the fortuitous mixture of gold, silver, and copper produced a metal more excellent than any original one. So, by the different invasions of England was produced a mixture of old British, German, and French, which makes a language superior to any original tongue. The proportions in the one case are as curious as in the other.”

“Boswell compared himself to the ancient Corinthian brass. ‘I am,’ said he, ‘a composition of an infinite variety of ingredients. I have been formed by a vast number of scenes of the most different natures, and I question if any uniform education could have produced a character so agreable’” (sic).

“The Dutch bourgeois generally wear coats and wigs of prodigious size, by no means made to fit them; but by way of so much cloth and so much hair Boswell said, ‘Les Hollandois portent des habits et des peruques comme des Hardes.’”

“Krimberg, grand maÎtre de madame la Marcgrave de Baden Baden, said of the Marcgrave of Baden Dourlach, ‘Les autres princes s’amusent des amusements, mais ce prince s’amusa des affaires.“‘

I was present.

“Boswell said that a great company was just a group of tÊtes-À-tÊtes.”

“The father of young M. Gaio, at Strasburg, had an immense cask of prodigious fine old Rhenish. His maÎtre d’hotel came and told him that, unfortunately, it had burst the cask and was totally lost. M. Gaio (having eat his evening soup), replied, ‘Eh bien, mon vin est lu.’”

M. Gaio le Fils.

“The uncle of young M. Gaio at Strasbourg had a set of Dresden tea china which he valued very much. As one of his servants was bringing it hastily in one day he fell and broke the whole set. His master stepped calmly forward, helped him up, and called to another servant, ‘Ecoutez, donnez une verre du vin de Bourgogne a FranÇois, je crois qu’il a en peur.’”

M. Gaio le Fils.

“Lord Eglintoune said to his brother,[159] Colonel Montgomerie, who was to be his heir, ‘If I live, Archie, I’ll take care of you.’ ‘Yes, my lord,’ replied the colonel, ‘and if you die I’ll take care of myself.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Mr. Needham[160] went with another gentleman to call upon M. Diderot. A comely well-dressed lady opened the door to them. The gentleman said, ‘Madame est sans doute la femme de M. Diderot.’ She, with an air of smiling satisfaction, replied, ‘Monsieur, les philosophes ne ses marient point.’”

Mr. Needham.

“Mr. Needham said that Rousseau’s not complying with the common established ceremonies of society was like a Quaker saying Thee and Thou, and not pulling off his hat.”

I was present.

“The Syndics or Magistrates of Geneva wear prodigious periwigs. M. de Voltaire said to them, ‘Messieurs, vous repandez votre poudre dans toutes les territoires voisines.’”

Grand Baillif d’Yuerdun.

“Erskine[161] and Boswell were one day sauntering in Leicester Fields and talking of the famous scheme of squaring the circle. ‘Come, come,’ said Boswell, ‘let us circle the square, and that will be as good;’ so these two poets took a walk round the square, laughing very heartily at the conceit.”

“Mr. Richardson, chaplain to Sir Joseph Yorke,[162] and another clergyman were walking near a village by Cambridge, where were a number of Methodists. They saw a child of four year old lying accross (sic) the road, and immediately ran up to lift it up, when they heard a number of people cry, ‘Let it alone, let it alone, it’s convicted, it’s convicted.’ They asked, ‘Pray, how? so young a child has not been at church.’ ‘No, but its father and mother have, and the Lord has been dealing with their child.’”

From himself.

“Boswell said that Mademoiselle de Maasdain, at the Hague, was as black as a chimney. ‘Then,’ said the Rev. Dr. Maclaine, ‘her husband would be a chimney-sweeper.’”

“Boswell said that Mademoiselle de Zuyl was too vivacious, and crowded her bon mots in conversation, so that one had not time to examine them one by one, and see their beauties. He said, she used to make people run through the Vatican, where you glance over a number of fine pictures, but have not time to look at and relish any.”

“Fordyce was much scandalized at a French barber who shaved him in Paris, and having caught a fly, called it cette machine la. ‘Why,’ said Boswell, ‘in England we call a machine a fly, why may not the French call a fly a machine?’”

“Andrew Stuart,[163] Nairne,[164] Colonel Scott, and Boswell went in a coach from the Hague to Rotterdam. The Dutch coachman was so heavy a blockhead that Andrew Stuart took the reins from him and drove. A mole, somehow or other, was seen upon the road. ‘Well,’ said Boswell, ‘when Mr. Andrew Stuart drove a Dutch coach, he drove so hard that the very moles came above ground to look at him.’”

“In the year 1715 Lord Marischal observed a Highlander crying, and looking at the poor fellow he observed he had no shoes. He sent one to him, who spoke Erse, and bid him not be cast down, for he should have shoes. ‘Sir,’ said the Highlander, ‘I want no shoes; I am crying to see a Macdonald retire from his enemy.’”

From Lord Marischal.

“In the year 1715, when my Lord Marischal was preparing to leave London and join the Stuart army, Fletcher of Salton[165] came to him at seven in the morning, asked a dish of tea to get his servant out of the way, and then said, ‘My lord, you are now going to join with people who will not be honest, nor so steady as yourself. I advise you, don’t go.’ My lord answered, ‘Sir, I shall not dispute whether King James or King George has the best right to the crown. I know you are for no king. But, as things are, I think we may get rid of the union which oppresses us.’ ‘My lord,’ replied Fletcher, ‘it is a good thing to be young: when I was your age I thought as you do, and would have acted as you do; but I am now growing old, I have been sorely brought down by sickness, and I find my mind is failing with my body.”

Lord Marischal.

“Boswell went from Berlin to Charlottenburg while the entertainments were there on account of the betrothing of the Princess Elizabeth of Brunswick to the Prince of Prussia; all the ladies and gentlemen pressed eagerly to get places at the windows of the palace, in order to see the royal families at supper. Boswell found this a little ridiculous, so came up to his acquaintances and said, ‘Allons, allons, je vous en prie voyons la seconde table; je vous assure il vaut mieux la peine; ces gens mangent plus que les autres?’ (‘Come, come, pray do let us go see the second table; I assure you it is more worth while; they eat more than the others.’)”

“Boswell said that Sir Joseph Yorke was so anxious lest people should forget that he was an ambassador, that he held his head as high and spoke as little as possible. As in the infancy of painting it was found necessary to write below a picture, this is a cow, or this is a horse, so from the mouth of Sir Joe cometh a label with these words—‘I am an ambassador.’”

“Boswell said that the descriptions of human life which we find in books are very false, because written in retirement. When a painter would take a portrait or a landscape, he is always sure to be present, whereas a painter of human life gets away from the object, buries himself in the shade, or basks in the sunshine, and consequently gives either too black or too gay a creature of his imagination, which he calls human life.”

“Two Scotch Highlanders were benighted, and lay down to sleep on the side of a mountain. After they had lain a little, one of them got up, but soon returned again. The other asked him, ‘What’s this, Donald? what have you been about?’ Duncan replied, ‘I was only bringing a stane to put under my head.’ Donald started up and cried, ‘H—g your effeminacy, man! canna ye sleep without a stane aneath your head?’”

Mr. Burnet.

“After the Prince of Prussia had been defeated by the Austrians, the King, who was marching desperate against them, wrote to him thus:—‘Mon frÈre, Daun vous a traitÉ comme un petit Ecolier. Il vous a fouetÉ avec des verges. Un homme qui va mourir, n’a rien d’dissimuler.’”

Mr. Burnet.

“Lord Auchinleck was one of the most firm and indefatigable judges that ever lived. Brown at Utrecht said that he was one of those great beams which are placed here and there to support the edifice of Society.”

I was present.

“Boswell said that Berkley[166] reasoned himself out of house and home.”

“An unhappy hypochondriack complained that in his gloomy hours he believed himself a fool. A hard-hearted wag was cruel enough to say to him, ‘Crede quod habes et habes.’”

“Captain Bertie was in one of three English ships who advanced against seven French. The sailors were so overjoyed at this noble opportunity that they huzzaed and threw their hats overboard, and those who had no hats, their wigs. They fought and beat the French heartily.”

Captain Bertie.[167]

“If those who have no taste for the fine arts would fairly own it, perhaps it would be better. Mr. Damer and Captain Howe, two true-born Englishmen, were in the great gallery at Florence; they submitted quietly to be shown a few of the pictures, but seeing the gallery so immensely long their impatience burst forth and they tried, for a bet, who should hop first to the end of it.”

The Hon. Mr. Howe.[168]

“When Boswell came first into Italy, and saw the extreme profligacy of the ladies, he said, ‘Italy has been called the garden of Europe, I think it is the Covent Garden.’”

“Churchill,[169] in his abusive poem against Scotland called the ‘Prophecy of Famine,’ had the following line:—

‘Far as the eye could reach no tree was seen.’

Mr. Jamieson, a true Scot, said, ‘Faith, I wish I had as many Churchills to hang upon them as there’s trees.’”

“Boswell had a travelling box in which he carried his hats and his papers. He was saying one day, ‘What connection now have they together?’ Replied Mr. Lumisden,[170] ‘They have both a connection with your head.’”

“An honest Scots sailor who had been wounded in the service took up a public-house at Dundee, and on his sign had his story painted. First he was drawn with both his legs firing away, with this inscription,—‘Thus I was;’ then with one leg, and inscribed, ‘Thus I am, the Fortune of war.’”

James Ramsay.[171]
Mr. Willison.[172]

“A young fellow by chance let a china plate fall. His father asked him, ‘Pray, sir, what way did you do that?’ He very gravely took up another, and let it fall in the same manner: ‘That way, sir.’”

Colonel Edmonstoune.[173]

“A very big man said he intended often to have spoke in the House of Commons. ‘I wish you had, sir,’ said Matthew Henderson; ‘for if you had not been heard, you would at least have been seen.’”

Capt. Keith Stuart.

P. 1. “April.—My father said to me, ‘I am much pleased with your conduct in every respect.’ After all my anxiety while abroad, here is the most perfect approbation and calm of mind. I never felt such sollid (sic) happiness. But I feel I am not so happy with this approbation and this calm as I expected to be. Alas! such is the condition of humanity, that we are not allowed here the perfect enjoyment of the satisfaction which arises even from worth. But why do I say alas! when I really look upon this life merely as a transient state?

P. 2. “I must stay at Auchinleck. I have there just the kind of complaining proper for me. All must complain, and I more than most of my fellow-creatures.

P. 3. “A man is but in proportion to the impressions which his power makes. I see there is variety of powers.”

“Saturday, April 19th.—This morning my worthy father wak’d me early and told me of the sudden death of my Lord Justice Clerk (Lord Minto),[174] and repeated with a calm solemnity,—

‘Trahimur sÆvo rapiente fato.’”

“A modern man of taste found fault with the avenues at Auchinleck, and said he wished to see straggling trees. ‘I wish,’ said Boswell, ‘I could see straggling fools in this world.’”

“Boswell said that business itself helps a man on just as the chaise going down a hill helps on the horse which is in the shafts. ‘When,’ said he, ‘I think of the fatigues of the law I tremble. But when I have once get on the harnessing of a Process, away I go without difficulty. This is just; let a man never despond as to anything, let him be yok’d, and no fear.’”

“When Boswell observed that the Lords of Session were often inattentive, he said he wished he had liberty to speak to the bench as one speaks to a company, where if any one whom one wishes to attend appears to be absent, one can rouse him by directing the discourse particularly to him. ‘So,’ said Boswell, ‘I would say, “My Lord Sagely, your lordship must surely agree,” &c.; “But besides, my Lord Doubtfull, it appears,” &c.’”

“Boswell had a great aversion to the law, but forced himself to enter upon that laborious profession in compliance with the anxious desire of his father, for whom he had the greatest regard. After putting on the gown, he said with great good humour to his brother advocates, ‘Gentlemen, I am prest into the service here; but I have observed that a prest man, either by sea or land, after a little time does just as well as a volunteer.’”

“Lord Auchinleck said the great point for a judge is to conduct a cause with safety and expedition, like a skillfull pilot. ‘The Agents always endeavour to keep a cause afloat. But I keep my eye upon the haven, and the moment I have got him fairly in order I give one hearty push, and there he’s landed.’”

“Boswell said when we see a man of eminence we desire nothing more than to be of his acquaintance; we then wish to have him as a companion; and when we have attained that we are impatient till we gain a superiority over him. Such is the restless progress of man!”

“A sailor, who had been long out at sea, was on his return asked by a companion what sort of voyage they had. ‘Why,’ said he, ‘a very good one; only we had prayers twice. But one of the times there was no more occasion for them than if you and I should fall down and pray this minute.’”

Lord Loudoun.[175]

“My Lord Stair,[176] who wrote a very bad hand, sent once to my Lord Loudoun a written commission to be read to Sir Philip Honeywood.[177] Lord Loudoun received the letter at the British Coffee-house, where he was sitting after dinner with some friends taking a very hearty bottle; and whether the wine made him see double or no, so it was that he read the commission very distinctly. Next morning he went to wait on Sir Philip Honeywood, and being then quite cool and in his sober senses he could not read a word of it, and neither could Sir Philip. Lord Loudoun could not go back to Lord Stair and tell him his hand was not legible, so Sir Philip trusted to Lord Loudoun’s memory of what he had read the day before, and could not then read at all, a most curious fact. When the Duke of Cumberland was told of it he said, ‘Loudoun, why did you not stay and dine with Sir Philip, and then you would both have read it.’”

Lord Loudoun.

“Mr. Clark, uncle to Baron Clark, a most curious mortal, who had been bred a surgeon, had travelled over the greatest part of the world, and always walked. He had the misfortune to break one of his legs, and two pieces of the bone came out of it. He had them drest, and made hafts to a knife and fork of them. When he was dying he sent for Doctor Clark[178] and the Baron.[179] ‘Now, gentlemen,’ said he, ‘this knife and fork will be the most valuable part of my executory, and I’ll leave them to any of you two who shall give me the best inscription to put upon them. The Doctor, who was a fine classical scholar, tried a good many times, but at length the baron fairly got the better of him by a most elegant and well-adapted inscription,—

‘QuÆ terra nostri non plena laboris?’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Campbell of Suckoth[180] and his son were both men of great wit. The father had been constantly attached to the Duke of Argyle, but had never got the least assistance from him, upon which the son went and paid court to the Duke of Hamilton. His dutchess (sic) was then of the Spencer family.[181] So young Suckoth planted a mount, which he called Mount Spencer. The dutchess made him a present of some fine foreign trees in flower-pots, so he got a cart and a couple of horses from his father to bring them home with, but most of them broke by the way. The old man was not pleased that his son had deserted his chief, so he says to him, ‘Dear John, why will you pay court to the House of Hamilton, for I see naething ye get frae them but a wheen broken pigs?’ ‘Sir,’ says he, ‘broken pigs are as good as broken promises.’ ‘Very true,’ John, ‘but they’re no sae dear o’ the carriage.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Sir William Gordon[182] wanted a servant who could write well. ‘My father,’ said he, ‘knew of a very clever fellow, but the most drunken, good-for-nothing dog that ever lived.’ ‘Oh,’ said Sir William, ‘no matter for that, let him be sent for.’ So when he came Sir William asked him a great many questions, to which Brodie answered most distinctly. At last he asked, him, ‘Can you write Latin, sir?’ ‘Can your honour read it?’ said he. Sir William was quite fond of him, and had him drest out to all advantage. One day, at his own table, he was telling a story. ‘Not so, sir,’ said Brodie, who was standing at his back. ‘You dog,’ said he, ‘how do you know?’ ‘Because I have heard your honour tell it before.’ He lived with Sir William more than seven years.”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Sir William Gordon was always a singular character. When he came to be eighteen it was necessary for him to choose a curator, and he chose his own livery servant, ‘for’ said he, ‘one is plagued seeking for a curator to sign papers with you, and sometimes they refuse to sign.”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Mr. Charles Cochrane[183] said one day to my Lord Justice Clerk (Charles Erskine[184]), ‘Pray, my lord, what is the reason that there never was a gentleman a ruling elder, who was not either a knave or a very weak man?’ ‘Ay, Charles’ said he, ‘why, I’m a ruling elder myself, and what do you take me to be?’ ‘A very weak man, my lord.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Sir Walter Pringle,[185] afterwards Lord Newhall, was apt to be very passionate when he thought a lord did not hear him properly. One day he appeared before Lord Forglen,[186] who was very heavy. Sir Walter opened his cause. The other party answered, and among other objections which they stated, they insisted on some trifling point of form, that the cause had not been regularly put up upon the wall. Sir Walter replied to all their objections with accuracy and spirit, but took no notice of the trifling point of form. ‘Lord Forglen,’ said Sir Walter, ‘you have pleaded your cause very well, but what do you say to the wall?’ ‘Indeed’ said he, ‘my lord, I have been speaking to it this half-hour;’ and off he went in a great passion.”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Jack Bowes, an Englishman, who was married to a noted midwife at Edinburgh, and was really mad, but had great humour, got up one day on the steps which lead up to the New Kirk (the lady’s steps), and there he gathered a crowd about him, and preached to them. ‘Gentlemen,’ said he, ‘you will find my text in the 2nd Epistle of St. Paul to Timothy, the 4th chapter, and there the 13th verse, ‘The cloak that I left at Troas with Carpus, when thou comest, bring with thee, and the books, but especially the parchments.’ ‘We insist upon the first clause. We see, gentlemen, from these words that Paul was a presbyter, for he wore a cloak. He does not say the gown which I left at Troas, but the cloak which I left at Troas with Carpus, when thou comest bring with thee. Timothy, we all know, was a bishop. Now, my friends, the doctrine I would inculcate from this is, that a presbyter had a bishop for his baggageman.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“A drover owed another ——, as the price of —— lambs. His creditor came and craved time for the money. ‘John,’ said he, ‘let me alone for a fortnight, for I really cannot pay you sooner.’ The creditor insisted, and called him before a judge and put him to his oath. He swore positively that he owed no such debt. After the court was over, the creditor asked him how he could swear against what he had owned so often. ‘Because,’ said he, ‘you forced me, and I had nothing else for it; but, however, John, you shall lose nothing by it, for I shall give you my bill for the money payable in a fortnight,’ and actually he did give his bill and paid him accordingly. A most wonderful mixture of impiety and honesty.”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Sir William Gordon would needs make a library because my Lord Sunderland made one, but all he wanted was just dear books. He came in one day to Vanderaa’s shop, in Leyden, and asked if he had got any dear new books. Vanderaa showed him the ‘Thesaurus ItaliÆ et SiciliÆ’ in—— volumes. Sir William turned to Dr. Cooper and said, ‘Pray, Doctor, have I got that book?’ ‘No, Sir William, nor do I think you have occasion for it.’ ‘Mr. Cooper, I cannot be without that book.’ ‘Upon my word, Sir William, I think you might very well be without it.’ ‘There, Mr. Cooper, you and I differ.—Mr. Vanderaa, let that book be packed up and sent for me to London.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Dr. Taylor, the oculist, was one evening supping at William Earl of Dumfries’s, at Edinburgh. He harangued with his usual fluency and impudence, and boasted that he knew the thoughts of everybody by looking at their eyes. The first Lady Dumfries,[187] who was hurt with his behaviour, asked him with a smile of contempt, ‘Pray, sir, do you know what I am thinking?’ ‘Yes, madam,’ said he. ‘Then,’ replied the countess, ‘it’s very safe, for I am sure you will not repeat it.’”

Dr. Webster, who was present.

“When the first Lady Dumfries was within a quarter of an hour of her death, she showed an attention to the interests of religion, and at the same time an address equal to that of any statesman. The earl came down from her all in tears, and told it to the Rev. Mr. Webster. ‘My lord,’ said she, ‘you have always shown a proper regard to the ordinances of religion. People have been pleased to say that you did so out of compliment to me. Providence is now giving your lordship an opportunity to show that it was entirely from yourself.’”

Dr. Webster.

“John Lord Hope[188] was educated at home about his father’s house, full of conceit, full of petulance. His mother, the first Lady Hopetown, stood much in awe of my lord, but when he was not present was very lively and agreeable. One night at supper Lord Hope had made some figure of the crumbs of his bread, and plagued all the company to tell what it was. Many flattered him; some called it a pretty summerhouse; some, one of the ruins of Rome, and so made him exceedingly vain. He at last applied to my lady his mother. ‘Madam,’ said he, ‘you have not told me what you think it is.’ ‘Well,’ said she, ‘if you will have what I think it, I shall tell you I think it a monument of a young lord’s folly.’”

Dr. Webster.

“Mr. William Nairne observed that it maybe said of a well-employed barrister who lays by much money, what Horace says of the ant,—

‘Ore trahit quodcunque potest atque addit acervo.’”

I was present.

“A gentleman expended immense sums of money in attempting to improve a barren soil. Boswell observed ‘that the gentleman was as busy burying gold as others are in digging it up.’”

“It has often occurred to me that artificial passions are stronger than real ones, just as a wall built with good mortar is found to be harder and worse to separate than the natural rock. A passion for pageantry, and many more of the passions generated in civilized life, often influence men more than the real genuine passions natural to man.”

“Cullen, the mimic,[189] had a wretched manner of his own. He was one forenoon reading Lord Mansfield’s admirable speech on the Privilege Bill. Several of our brother advocates were listening to him. I could not help laughing, for I said hearing Lord Mansfield’s speech read by Cullen was like hearing a piece of Handel’s music played on a (trump) Jew’s harp.”

“I have observed that business has a different effect on the spirits of different men. It sinks the spirits of some and raises the spirits of others. To the spirits of some, a variety of affairs are like stones put into a pool of water, which make the water rise in proportion to the quantity of stones; to the spirits of others, affairs (des affaires) are like sponges put into a pool of water, which suck it up. Men of great firmness can retain their vivacity amidst a multiplicity of business. The King of Prussia is a distinguished example.”[190]

“Mr. John Pettigrew,[191] minister of Govan, was one of the originals amongst the clergy of Scotland, of which there were many in the last age. His presbytery was once violently divided who should be moderator in the room of one Mr. Love,[192] then in the chair. While they were disputing with vast keenness Mr. Petticrew came in, and being asked his opinion, he said, ‘Moderator, let brotherly love continue.’ The presbytery took his advice, and so their disputes were ended in good humour.”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Cullen, the mimick,[193] was excessively ugly, having most horrible teeth, and, upon the whole, a physiognomy worse than Wilkes’s. His own manner, as has been observed, was also wretched. One morning when he was grinning and pleading a cause, I stood by and observed, ‘Whom is Cullen taking off? He is taking off the devil.’”

“Sinclair, of Briggend, a Caithness laird, was telling that a gentleman with whom he had played at loo had a way of keeping Pam in the head of his boot, and bringing him out when he found him necessary. ‘Ay,’ said Andrew Erskine, ‘it seems he played booty with you.’”

I was present.

“I was defending one day poor Mrs. C—— at the time when her husband was suing her for a divorce, and saying that she was no worse than the Miss V——s, for all her faults were only innocent improprieties. ‘No worse!’ said Andrew Erskine, ‘she is ten times better; she only intrigued with certain people, but the Miss V——s did it with everybody that was near her, and would have done it with everybody at a distance had it been possible.’”

“Cullen, the mimick, as has been more than once observed, had a wretched manner of his own. I was one day to walk out with him to dine at Craig House with Mr. Lockhart,[194] the Dean of Faculty. I was saying to a lady that I wondered what characters he would give me by the road. ‘Oh,’ said she, ‘no matter, providing you have not himself. As Sir John Falstaff said to the hostess, when she offered the fat knight a hog’s countenance, “Any countenance but thy own.”’”

“John Home showed the Lord Chief Baron Orde a pair of pumps he had on, and desired his lordship to observe how well they were made, telling him at the same time that they had been made for Lord Bute,[195] but were rather too little for him, so his lordship had made John a present of them. ‘I think,’ said the Lord Chief Baron, ‘you have taken the measure of Lord Bute’s foot.’”

Lord Chief Baron Orde.[196]

“A very awkward fellow was dancing at the Edinburgh Assembly. Matthew Henderson[197] said, ‘He looks like a professor of dislocation.’”

Hon. Alex. Gordon, [See note, p. 254].[198]

“A man who uses a great many words to express his meaning shows that he has no distinct idea, no neatness of speech. He is like a bad marksman, who, instead of aiming a single stone at an object, takes up a handful of stones, gravel, sand, and all, and throws at it, thinking that in that manner he may hit it.”

“It sometimes happens that when a man throws out a reflection against one, he, without intending it, pays a compliment. In such a case, I think I am well entitled to take the compliment. If a man throws a snowball at me, and I find a diamond in the heart of it, surely the diamond is mine.”

“One day when a company of us were dining at Mr. Foote’s, in Edinburgh, and I believe I was the only man present who had any faith at all in spirits, many jokes flew around my head; but I stood my ground, and went so far as to say that I did not disbelieve the existence of witches. Matthew Henderson, who is very happy in uncommon wild sallies, cried out, ‘Johnson inoculates him by moonlight.’”

“In talking of Dr. Armstrong’s[199] excessive indolence to Andrew Erskine I used this strong figure, he is sometimes so that his soul cannot turn itself in its bed.”

“Allan Ramsay[200] painted a portrait of David Hume, dressed in scarlet with rich gold lace. ‘George III.,’ said he, ‘thought the picture very like, but thought the dress rather too fine. I wished,’ said Ramsay, ‘posterity should see that one philosopher during your Majesty’s reign had a good coat upon his back.’”

“Lord President Arniston[201] was a man of uncommon fire, but at the same time of a sound strong judgement. When he was at the Bar, and his fancy sometimes ran away with him, Lord Cullen said he was a wise man upon a mad horse.”

Lord Auchinleck.

“The first Earl of Stair[202] was a Captain of Dragoons, and when there was a comparative trial for an election to a regency, as it was called, or a professorship of the College of Glasgow, Mr. Dalrymple, afterwards known as Lord Stair, appeared in his jack-boots as a candidate, and carried the election. When he was afterwards pleading as a lawyer in the Court of Session, some ignorant fellow who was his opponent committed some gross blunders in the Latin which he quoted. ‘Pray’ said Stair, ‘don’t break Priscian’s head!’ ‘Sir,’ said the fellow, ‘I was not bred a schoolmaster.’ ‘No’ replied Stair, ‘nor a scholar either.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Lord Forglen was a most curious mixture of a character. Lord Newhall, who was a grave austere judge, told my father, ‘Forglen is a man of a desultory mind. I was once walking with him on that fine walk upon the river-side at Forglen, when all at once he says, “Now, my lord, this is a fine walk. If ye want to pray to God, can there be a better place? and if ye want to kiss a bonny lass, can there be a better place?”’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“In the southern countries the warmth of the sunny climate makes the people of a due warmth without drinking, but in northern countries men’s hearts are as hard as cold iron till heated by wine. In warm countries they are like the softer metals naturally; but with us there is no making any impression on the heart till it is heated by the fire of strong liquor. I look upon every jovial company among us as a forge of friendship.”

“A collection of bonmots or lively sallies which have appeared in law papers before the Court of Session, without being expunged, would be like the pictures preserved in Herculaneum, or like mirrors saved out of the ruins after the earthquake of Lisbon.”

“One of the gownkeepers to the Lords of Session had a wonderful share of natural humour. He was much given to drinking. One day the first Sir Gilbert Elliot, Lord Minto,[203] who from the political fury of the times had, when passing his trials as an advocate, been unjustly remitted to his studies, and Lord Anstruther,[204] another of the judges, who was noted for his ignorance, would needs amuse themselves with wagering so much beer that he could not walk along a certain deal in the floor of the parliament-house without going off it. The gownkeeper began; but being a good deal muddy with tippling, he soon staggered off the right line. ‘You’ve lost,’ cried Minto. ‘At leisure, my Lord,’ said he, ‘I’ll begin again. Your lordship was remitted to your studies; may not I be so too?’ Anstruther gave a good laugh. The gownkeeper turned to him,—‘True, my lord, he was remitted to his studies; but it was not for ignorance.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“The same gownkeeper at the time when the Court of Session used to sit in the afternoon was carrying in a couple of candles. Mr. William Carmichael, advocate, who was remarkably humpbacked, and, like all deformed people, loved a little mischief, stretched out his legs as the gownkeeper passed, which made him come down with a vengeance. The Lord President flew into a great passion, calling out, ‘You drunken beast! this is insufferable.’ The gownkeeper gathering himself up, addressed his lordship slily: ‘An’t please your lordship, I am not drunk; but the truth is, as I was bringing in the candles I fell ow’r Mr. William Carmichael’s back.’ (This fair hit put the whole court in good humour.)”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Wedderburn was a little while in opposition, and then joined the court. It was said by a patriot writer, he just kissed the cause like Judas in order to betray it.”

A newspaper.

“In the debate in Parliament about Falkland Island, Mr. Burke said, ‘Our ministry’s excusing themselves on account of its smallness puts me in mind of an unlucky country girl, who acknowledged that she had indeed a bastard child—but it was a very little one.’”

Newspapers.

“Wilkes was the ugliest fellow that ever lived, and a most notorious infidel. Boswell said he was partial as to one article, for he had too much interest to deny the resurrection of the body.”

“Wilkes was one evening in company with some French esprits forts who were every one atheist. Wilkes opposed them with great spirit, and then said, ‘Now in England Mr. Wilkes is looked upon as the most abandoned and impious fellow alive; and here am I defending the being of a God against you all.’”

From himself.

“Wilkes was one day talking of the resurrection of the body. ‘For my own share,’ said he, ‘I would no more value being raised with the same body than being raised in the same coat, waistcoat, and breeches.’”

I was present.

“Mr. John McLaren,[205] minister of the Tolbooth Church, Edinburgh, was a man of uncommon natural genius. My father wrote the heads of his sermons for many years. His last prayer was pretty much a form, and was full of strong expressions and lively figures: ‘Lord, bless Thy churches abroad in Hungary, Bohemia, Lithuania, Poland;’ and ‘Lord, pity Thy poor servants in France. Thou had once glorious churches there; but now they are like dead men out o’ mind.’ And speaking of hastening the restoration of the Jews, and in-bringing the Gentiles as a sort of joyful consummation, ‘Lord, shule [shovel] awa time.’ As he did not like the Union, ‘Pity poor Scotland. Our rowers have brought us into deep waters [a Scripture phrase], may we have a peur [pure] ministry and peur ordinances, and let the bane o’ Scotland never be a little-worth, lax, frothy ministry, that ken little o’ God, less o’ Christ, and are full of themselves.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“When John, Duke of Argyle, came down to Scotland in all his power, the Presbytery of Edinburgh were to wait upon him. The young fashionable brethren regretted much that Mr. McLaren was moderator, as they did not think he would make a proper elegant speech. However, Mr. McLaren addressed the duke thus:—‘My Lord Deuch (Duke), I am not used to make speeches to men like your Grace. All I shall say is your Grace has come of great and good men. Your Grace excels them all in greatness. I pray God you may excel them all in goodness.’ The duke, who had a high value for his ancestors, was greatly pleased with this speech. He said it was the genteelest compliment he had ever heard, and most suitable from a clergyman.”

Lord Auchinleck.

“When there was a thanksgiving day kept at Edinburgh for a victory by the Whig army over the Jacobites in the year 1715, Betty Frank, daughter to Mr. George Frank, advocate, Matthew Brown the clerk’s second wife, a great Jacobite, was passing by the Talbooth Kirk in the time of publick worship, and she dropped a halfpenny into the plate, wrapped in paper with this inscription,—

‘Stop, good preacher; go no further!
God receives no thanks for murther.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“It was formerly the custom for the magistrates of Edinburgh on the king’s birthday to get upon the Cross, which was hung with carpets and busked (drest) with flowers for the occasion, and before all the citizens to drink the health of the day, &c. The glasses used to be filled before they arrived. One day it was a very heavy rain, so that as the glasses overflowed there was at last hardly the colour of wine in them. On this occasion the same Mr. Brown wrote these lines:—

‘At Cana once heaven’s Lord was pleased

Amongst blithe bridle folks to dine,

And for to countenance their mirth

He turned their water into wine.

‘But when for joy of Brunswick’s birth

Our tribunes mounted the theatre,

Heaven would not countenance their mirth,

But turned their claret into water.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“The bonnie Earl of Moray,[206] he might ha’ been a queen, used to be ludicrously said of the late James, Earl of Moray. He might ha’ been a queen was, however, a serious compliment to express handsomeness in Regent Moray’s time, of whom it was said, ‘The noble earl,’ &c., and even of late date it was a serious expression in Scotland. My father told me that Taylour, the hill minister, speaking to him of Johnston of Wamphray, who was a very handsome man, said gravely, ‘He might ha’ been a queen.’”

“McIlvaine of GrÜmet (pronounced Grimmet), in Carrick, was a very great original. My father knew him well. He was a tall stately man, quite erect, with a long sword at right angles with his body, so that when he was going in or out at a door he stuck. All the old anti-revolutioners, of which number he was in a very zealous degree, were much in his style. He was offered a troop of horse at the Revolution, but refused it, as his conscience would not allow him to take the oaths to a new government. He had something of the old Spanish rhodomontade and a great deal of curious humour. He wrote to Mr. Charles Cochrane, with a present of solan geese, thus,—‘Worthy peer, I send you four solan geese to defeat the quadruple alliance, and all alliances, leagues, and covenants that have been made repugnant to religion, honour, and honesty. What we cannot do by works let faith supply, being fortified with the juice of the generous grape, which makes a little pitiful fellow as great as any accidental forte monarch.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Grimmet lived just on the coast of Carrick, and had a little boat which he used to send out, and so had always plenty of fish. Once when my Lord Cathcart[207] had a great deal of company with him, he sent to Grimmet for some fish. Grimmet sent him some with the following letter:—‘I have sent your lordship some fish, but am sorry I could not get more. The truth is, we have of late been infested with a fish called the dog-fish, from the German Ocean, which consumes our fish by sea as much as some people from that country do consume our substance by land.’”

“Bardarrock[208] was one evening drinking with a company of gentlemen. When it came to his toast he gave Miss De Hood. ‘Miss De Hood,’ said they, ‘we never heard of her.’ ‘Neither,’ said he, ‘did I ever hear of ony o’ yours.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“David Hume used to say that he did not find it an irksome task to him to go through a great many dull books when writing his history. ‘I then read,’ said he, ‘not for pleasure, but in order to find out facts.’ He compared it to a sportsman seeking hares, who does not mind what sort of ground it is that he goes over farther than as he may find hares in it.”

From himself.

“As it was said that French cooks will make admirable dishes of things which others throw away as useless, so the French in general can cook up a ragoÛt of vanity from the most trivial circumstances; nay, from circumstances which naturally ought to humble them. Instance the soldier running before the King of Prussia, who said, ‘Ma fois, c’est un brave homme, ce Roi de Prusse. Je crois qu’il a servi en France.’ And the Chevalier de Malte, who told me that if Lord George Sackville[209] had advanced at Minden, the French army would have turned, ‘et il aurroit ete le plus illustre jour que la France jamais ont.’”

“Mr. William Auld,[210] the minister of Mauchline, took his Sunday’s supper with me one night when I lived in the Canongate. He had provided himself with a large new wig, with the greatest number of curls in it that I almost ever saw. As he walked up the street in his way home some drunken fellows passed him, and his wig having attracted their attention, one of them called out, ‘There’s a wig like the hundred and nineteenth Psalm,’—a droll comparison of the number of curls in the wig to the number of verses in the psalm, very apropos (apposite) to a minister.”

Mr. Brown, my clerk, who was present.

“Mr. Charles Cochrane liked to have a number of curious mortals about him at Ochiltree. Richmond of Bardarrock was one of them, but had more education and genius than most of them. One day they made a kind of butt of Bardarrock, and were all laughing at him, upon which he very gravely said, ‘It’s a changed world now; the lairds of this place were wont to keep hawks, but this laird has an unco’ taste,—he keeps gowks.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Lord Forglen was a great original. Every Sunday evening he had with him his niece Betty Kinloch,[211] afterwards Lady Milton, Charles Forbes, who went out in the 1715, and David Reid, his clerk. He had what he called the exercise, which was singing a psalm and reading a chapter; and his form was this,—‘Betsy, ye hae a sweet voice; lift ye the psalm;—Charles, ye hae a strong voice, read ye the chapter;—and, David, fire ye the plate.’ This was burnt brandy for them. Accordingly all went on, and whenever the brandy was enough, David blew out the flame, which was a signal; the exercise stopped, and they took their pint.”

Lord Auchinleck.

“When Lord Forglen was dying my grandfather went and visited him, and found him quite cheerful. ‘Come awa, Mr. Boswell,’ said he, ‘and learn to dee (die), man. I’m ga’n awa to see your old friend Cullen[212] and mine. He was a gude honest man! but his walk and yours was nae very steady when you used to come in frae Maggy Johnston’s[213] upo’ the Saturday afternoons.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Old Dr. Clark told my father that he came in to see Lord Forglen when he was dying. ‘Weel, Doctor’ said he, ‘what news?’ ‘I canna say I hear any,’ said the Doctor. ‘Dear man,’ said he, ‘wha do they say’s to succeed me?’ ‘It’s time enough,’ said the Doctor, ‘to speak o’ that, my lord, when ye’re dead.’ ‘Hoot, daft body,’ said Forglen, ‘will ye tell us?’ Upon which the Doctor mentioned such a man. ‘What’s his interest?’ ‘So-and-so.’ ‘Poh, that ’ill no do. Wha else?’ ‘Sic a man.’ ‘What’s his interest?’ ‘So-and-so.’ ‘Poh, that ’ill no do either.’ Then the Doctor mentioned a third man and his interest. ‘I’ll lay my siller on his head against the field.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Old Dr. Clark told my father the day Lord Forglen died he called at his door, and was met by David Reid, his clerk. ‘How does my lord do?’ ‘I hope he’s weel.’ So the Doctor knew he was dead. David conducted him into a room, and when he looked beneath the table there was (sic) two dozen of wine. In a little in came the rest of the Doctors. So they all sat down, and David gave them some of my lord’s last words, at the same time putting the bottels (sic) about very busily. After they had taken a glass or two they arose to go away. ‘No, gentlemen,’ said David, ‘not so; it was the express will o’ the dead that I should fill you a’ fou, and I maun fulfil the will o’ the dead.’ All the time the tears were running down his cheeks. ‘And indeed,’ said the Doctor, ‘he did fulfil it, for there was na ane o’ us able to bite his ain thumb.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“——[214] was a very religious young woman. She refused Mr. James Dundas,[215] of Arniston, because he was a rake. Some years afterwards she married Mr. Alexander Leslie,[216] brother to the Earl of Leven, who at length was Earl of Leven himself, but had very little when she married him. Upon which Monypenny, of Pitmilly, wrote these lines:—

‘Celia, who cast her eyes to heaven,
Now turns them back and looks to Leven;
Her former coyness she repents,
And thinks of men of lower rents,
Which makes it true what old folks says—
There’s difference of market days.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

It is curious that Pitmilly’s[217] sister was second wife to Mr. Leslie after he came to be earl.

“The old laird of Blair[218] was a man of singular humour. He and the laird of Baidlin were once visiting at Eglintoune. When they were coming away, Blair says, ‘Baidlin, we have been very kindly entertained in this house. I think we’ll leave a crown, the price o’ drink-money.’ ‘I think so too,’ said Baidlin. Blair contrived to let Baidlin go before him, who gave his crown. In a little after Blair came down, and he says to the butler, ‘Heark’ye! did Baidlin gie you the crown I gied him to gie you?’ ‘Yes, an’t please your honour,’ said the butler, and bowed to the ground; so that Blair got all the honour. He was a man, however, who used to brag of his tricks, so Baidlin got notice of this, and was determined to be evens with him. The next time he was at Blair the laird had got a kind of threatening letter from Mr. William Blair,[219] one of the regents of the College of Glasgow, craving him for the annual rent of £500 which the laird of Blair owed him, and a letter of apology from Blair, with entreaties of delay, was lying open on the table. Mr. William Blair was married to a daughter of Orbistoun’s,[220] with whom he got a good deal of money, and both he and she squinted a good deal. When the laird went out of the room Baidlin wrote a postscript to the letter,—

‘Glee’d Will Blair has gotten a wife,

And Orbistoun defraud it;

Their eyes are in continual strife,

Similis simili gaudet.’

“The laird without looking into his letter again seals it and sends it off; upon receiving it, Mr. William Blair was in a most horrid rage, and immediately sent him a charge of horning. The laird got upon his horse, came to Mr. William, and begged to know why he used him so severely. ‘Used!’ said he, ‘after writing to me in that impertinent manner!’ The laird desired to see what he had written; and on being shown the postscript, ‘Oh,’ said he, ‘that has been Baidlin.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“I have often remarked how strongly people’s faults are painted when once we are exasperated against them. The faults of indifferent people are, as it were, written in invisible ink; we scarcely perceive them, and only know where they exist. But the moment our resentment is kindled against these same people their faults appear black like the characters written in invisible ink when held to the fire.”

“Pope told Lord Marchmont of his intention to have Warburton[221] write notes upon his works. ‘Well said, my lord; it will be a very good trial of the strength of your genius to see how much nonsense you can carry down to posterity when you have Warburton on your back.’”

David Hume, Esq., who had it from Lord Marchmont.

“Warburton was a prodigious flatterer of Lord Mansfield, and consequently a favourite. David Hume was one day speaking violently against him to his lordship, who said, ‘Upon my word, Mr. Hume, he is quite a different man in conversation from what he is in his books.’ ‘Then, my Lord,’ said Hume, ‘he must be the most agreeable man in the world.’”

Mr. David Hume.

“David Hume was one day observing to me that he could not conceive what satisfaction envious people could have by saying that a work of genius such as the ‘Gentle Shepherd’ was not written by its reputed author, but by some other person, as one should imagine that they must be equally hurt by one person’s being admired as by another. I accounted for it in this way: that by ascribing it to another person than its reputed author, they raise doubts whether the praise is due to the one or the other, and so the admiration, instead of being fixed to one, is kept in equilibrio, like Mahomet’s coffin between the two loadstones.”

“The celebrated Mr. Banks[222] before he set sail on his first expedition was in love with a Miss Blosset; when he returned he found himself so enthusiastically fond of roving in search of unknown regions, that he could not think of matrimony. At the same time he had shown such an attachment to the lady that it was matter of great doubt in the world of private news whether he would think himself bound in honour to marry her. General Paoli asked Mr. Richard Owen Cambridge, ‘Pray, do you think Mr. Banks will marry Miss Blosset?’ ‘Oh no, sir,’ said Mr. Cambridge, ‘his thoughts are all beyond Cape Horn.’”

General Paoli.

“Dempster said that Cullen the mimick was to men’s characters like wax to intaglios—to seals cut inwards: That men had particularities, but that we did not perceive them till the impressions of them were shown, reversed, bold, and prominent (or words to that purpose), by Cullen’s mimickry.”

I was present.

“In the spring, 1772, Dempster gave me the following lively representation of Sir William Meredith.[223] ‘He is no longer with us,’ said he, ‘nor has he yet joined the ministry. He is like a wart round which there is a string tied. All circulation is stopped between him and us; and he is ready to be cut off whenever the ministry please.’”

“I was one of Mr. Ross[224] the player’s counsel as a friend. His spouse, the celebrated Fanny Murray, made me a present of some very pretty straw mats for setting dishes on. Lord Auchinleck observed to me, ‘Well, James, she cannot say that then she does not value your advice a straw.’”

“Mr. C. F. told a story in a company in a very confused manner, and then said he told it in confidence, and then begged they would not repeat it. ‘Pray,’ said Dempster, ‘do you think any of us can repeat this story’?”

“A Jew having been brought before Lord Mansfield as Lord Chief Justice of the King’s Bench, applied to be admitted to bail. He was dressed in very rich lace clothes. The counsel against him disputed for a considerable time, alleging that the bail which he offered was not good. My lord was tired and in a hurry, and looking at the Jew’s rich clothes, ‘Why, sir,’ said he, ‘he will burn for the money.’”

Councillor Vansittart, who was present.

“At the exhibition of the Royal Academy at London in 1772 there was a picture of Lord Clive renouncing Meer Jaffier’s legacy in favour of the East India Company, for the support of invalids. Dempster did not perfectly believe the story of this picture. He was dining at Sir George Colebrooke’s,[225] and Lady Colebrooke would needs expatiate upon this picture, and on the subject of it. ‘Madam,’ said Dempster, ‘I take it that affair won’t bear to be canvassed.’”

Mr. Dempster.

“On Monday, the 2nd November, 1772, I dined at Fortune’s in company with Mr. Banks, Dr. Solander,[226] and several more, at an entertainment given by Mr. Hamilton, of Bangour,[227] when the following good things passed:

“Lord Kelly[228] said of a Mr. Wright who was present, ‘He has been in several parts of the world, and I expect to see him in Otaheite before he dies.’ ‘So then, my lord,’ said David Hume, Esq., ‘you expect to be there yourself.’ My lord, in order to retort upon Hume for this catching at his word, set himself in a steady posture, and said, ‘My dear David, if you were to go there you would be obliged to retract all your essays on miracles.’ ‘Oh no, my lord,’ said Hume, ‘everything there is in nature.’ ‘Aye,’ said the Earl, ‘(but) there are different natures.’”

“Mr. Hamilton of Bangour’s lady, was that morning delivered of a son, who was not yet baptized. Lord Kelly proposed his health; but addressing himself to Principal Robertson, said, ‘Doctor, this is not a safe toast for you, for he’s not a Christian.’ ‘My lord,’ said the Principal, ‘there are good hopes.’ Hume laughed. Said the Earl, ‘David, if there are hopes, I am afraid it will be worse for you.’”

“Somebody observed that Lord Elibank[229] was constantly reading Lucretius; another asked, ‘Has he given up Tacitus?’ Said Lord Kelly, ‘It’s long since he gave up Tacitus; for he never can hold his tongue a minute, and he has taken to Lucretius because he feels himself grown so old that he would make but a poor figure with Lucretia.’ At saying this the earl laughed, as if in scorn, and cried, ‘Such nonsense!’”

“Our frame and temper of mind depends much on the state of our bodies. The human body is often called a machine, and a wonderful machine it is. The blood is like quicksilver, the veins like feathers, the nerves like springs. The soul sits in the machine. As one who in a chaise when driving hard cannot hear or give attention, I have been conscious of the corporeal machine running on with such rapidity that I felt to apply seriously to anything was in vain for me while that continued.”

“Mr. Crosbie,[230] the advocate, when he once took up an idea retained it most obstinately, even after there was convincing evidence against it. On occasion of the great cause between Nabob Fullerton[231] and Orangefield,[232] where he and I were on opposite sides, he persisted in thinking Fullerton in the right, when every one else was clear against him. I said Crosbie’s head was like a Christmas-box with a slit in the top of it. If once a thing has got into it, you cannot get it out again but by breaking the box. ‘We must break your head, Crosbie,’ said I.”

“It’s a good thing for Scotland that we can appeal to the House of Lords. I look upon that court, the House of Lords, as a great rolling stone, which by going over a cause effectually smooths it at once, when our fifteen lords, who have been breaking the clods with their mallets for a long time, may have left some parts rough; or sometimes may have found large masses which they have not been able to break at all. The rolling stone can never do harm. If the cause is smooth, it will make it more firmly so; if rough in whole or in part, will smooth it.”

“Banks and Solander were telling of a monstrous crater which they had found in Iceland, which threw up prodigious quantities of hot water to an amazing height. The story, I believe, was true. But I had my joke on them as travellers; I said they had found a kettle to boil Pontopidan the Bishop of Berghen’s wonderful fish.”

“I have observed that the Lords of Justiciary in Scotland, though they proceed with strong common sense and in general with material justice, yet have not studied criminal law as a science, though it is a very extensive, important, and nice one. Being lords of session, their attention is chiefly taken up with civil affairs, and they take criminal matters only by the bye. They are like barber-surgeons, who shave—and bleed—upon occasions.”

“There are a variety of little circumstances in life, which, like pins in a lady’s dress, are necessary for keeping it together, and giving it neatness and elegance.”

“A man of fame and acknowledged judgment as an author giving his opinion to a bookseller in favour of a literary work, the copy of which is offered for sale, when he does not sincerely think as he says, is a piece of real dishonesty, quite different from those commendations which a good-natured though not strictly honest flattery bestows. It is like a goldsmith, to whom suspicious metal is referred, certifying that it is gold when he knows it to be brass or a bad mixture.”

“Dr. Johnson had a very high opinion of Edmund Burke. He said, ‘That fellow calls forth all my powers;’ and once, when he was out of spirits and rather dejected, he said, ‘Were I to see Burke now ’twould kill me.’”

Mr. Langton.[233]

“Mr. Johnson used to laugh at a passage in Carte’s ‘Life[234] of the Duke of Ormond,’ where he gravely observes ‘that he was always in full dress when he went to court; too many being in the practice of going thither with double lapells.’”

Mr. Langton.

“——, who translated ‘Ariosto,’ had a dispute with Tom Wharton[235] as to some passages of it. —— knew the subject perfectly, but could not express himself. Wharton knew it very superficially, but wrote with ease and vivacity. Johnson said ‘the one had ball without powder, and the other powder without ball.’”

“Johnson had a sovereign contempt for Wilkes and his party, whom he looked upon as a mere rabble. ‘Sir,’ said he, ‘had Wilkes’s mob prevailed against Government, this nation had died of phthiriasis.’ Mr. Langton told me this. The expression, Morbus pediculosus, as being better known, would strike more. Lousy disease may be put in a parenthesis.”

“Mr. Ilay Campbell[236] spoke with admirable good sense and ingenuity, but had a very weak voice and a diminutive appearance and manner. I said his pleading was like Giardini’s playing on a child’s fiddle.”

“The extracts of a book given in the review often please us much more than the book itself does. The extracts are embellished and illustrated with criticism. It is like collops well-seasoned and served up with a good sauce, which are better eating than the sirloin or rump from whence they are cut. (Or, thus one eats with greater relish slices or collops well seasoned and served up with a good sauce, than one does the sirloin or rump from whence they are cut).”

“I said the Court of Session was much more quiet and agreeable when President Dundas[237] was absent. ‘When he is there,’ said I, ‘you feel yourself as in a bleachfield with a large dog in it. He is chained and does not bite you. But he barks wowf, wowf, and makes you start; your nerves are hurt by him.’”

“Mr. Alexander Murray,[238] said that the President Dundas upon the bench was like Lord Kelly playing in a concert—very quick, loud, and rumbling. Nothing can be a more lively representation of his manner than this, when you harangue a little with the president’s blustering tone and bounces of voice at intervals—‘I cannot agree to give you this cause against the Duke of Gordon, sitting here as judge on great revolution principles,’ &c.”

“I said that Mr. Charles Hay[239] and I, who studied Scotch law together, used to go to Mr. McLaurin,[240] when we found any difficulty, as to a mill to get it ground. ‘Yes,’ said Crosbie, ‘and he made you twenty difficulties out of one.’ ‘The observation,’ said I, ‘is just and witty. It reminds me of the fable of the lady, who when she was not pleased with her looks dashed the mirror in pieces, and so saw a multitude of ugly faces instead of one.’”

“26th June, 1774.—At a Sunday’s supper at Dr. Webster’s, when I was finding fault with a lady for going to visit a relation who had married a low man, the Doctor said that treating such people with mere civility was the best way to get the better of them. I answered, ‘I don’t want to get the better of them, I want to get rid of them: you may get the better of a sow by going into the mire and boxing it; but who would do it?’ My wife, who wanted to support Dr. Webster, though she had not much attended to the dispute, said something which was of pretty much the same import with my remarks. ‘Well,’ said I, ‘this is good enough. She thinks she is opposing me, and yet she agrees with me; she thinks she is riding a race with me and getting the better, and all the time she is behind me.’”

“My father told me that when he got his gown upon the resignation of the worthy Lord Dun,[241] he went and waited upon him, and said, ‘My lord, as I am to be your lordship’s unworthy successor I am come to ask your blessing.’ ‘Sir,’ said Lord Dun, ‘I held that office too long, for I was come to be but half a judge. Nay, what do I say? I was come to be worse, for I was able to give corporal presence but one-half of the year, and when I was present I could not have given that attention which every man ought to have who decides on the property of others. But to tell you the truth, I held my office from an apprehension that they might put in a man even worse than half a judge. However, sir, since you are to be my successor,’—(he then paid my father some genteel compliments); he added, ‘I have no title to give a blessing, but if my prayers can be of any service to you, while I live they shall never be wanting.’”

“29th June, 1774.—I said the business of the Court of Session went on as fast without the President[242] as with him, though with less noise, when he was absent the court was a plain girr (hoop), which ran smoothly and quietly; when he was there, it was a girr with jinglers.’”

“When Charles Townshend[243] read some of Lord Kames’[244] ‘Elements of Criticism,’ he said, ‘This is the work of a dull man grown whimsical,’—a most characteristical account of Lord Kames as a writer.”

Mr. George Wallace.[245]

“Mr. Andrew Balfour[246] said of Lord Kames, ‘He has the obstinacy of a mule and the levity of a harlequin.’”

Mr. Charles Hay.

“Mr. Alexander Lockhart, Dean of the Faculty of Advocates, very readily shed tears when he pleased, whether from feeling or from a weakness in his eyes was disputed. He was also very fond of getting his fees. I applied to him a part of a fine passage in Shakspere,—

‘He hath a tear for pity, and a hand
Open as the day.’”

“When Andrew Stuart declared himself a candidate as member of Parliament for Lanarkshire after being stigmatised so severely by Thurlow and Lord Camden for his conduct in the Douglas cause, Sir John Douglas, who was very keen in the great cause, and had admirable extravagant sallies, said, ‘What think you of this fellow? He has brass indeed! why, you may make ten dozen of tea-kettles out of his forehead.’”

I was present.

“I always wished to go to the English bar. When I found I could labour, I said it was pity to dig in a lead mine when I could get to a gold one.”

“In 1774 there came on before the Court of Session a cause at the instance of a black[247] for having it declared that he was free. I was one of the counsel. We took no fees; and I said I knew one thing, that he was not a Guinea black.”

“General Scott[248] was a man of wonderful good luck. He married Lady Mary Hay, a very fine woman. She ran off with Captain Sutherland, but was catched at Barnet, and the General got a divorce with the utmost ease. He then married Miss Peggy Dundas, who proved an admirable wife. Everything turned out well for him. Sandie Murray[249] said he was like a cat, throw him as you please he always falls on his feet. Nairne,[250] on hearing this, quoted the motto of the Isle of Man,—

‘Quocunque jeceris stabit.’”

“General Scott and General Grant,[251] two noted gamesters, were one day driving upon the sands of Leith at the races in a post-chaise together. Nisbet,[252] of Dirleton, pointing to them, said very significantly from Prior, ‘An honest, but a simple pair.’”

“June 18th, 1774.—I said in a dispute with Sir Alexander Dick,[253] on the different estimation to be put on sons and daughters, that sons are truly part of a family; daughters go into other families. Sons are the furniture of your house; daughters are furniture in your house only for sale. No man would wish to have his daughters fixtures. Such of them as are well looked are like pictures in the catalogues of the exhibition, those marked thus are for sale. (Or thus, daughters are like certain pictures in the exhibition, those marked thus, &c.)”

“June 18th, 1774.—Cosmo Gordon and I were talking of David Moncrieffe,[254] whose vanity was consummate, and who was flattered prodigiously by those whom he entertained, Cosmo mentioned a company of some of them, and said he would be embalmed. ‘Yes’ said I, ‘David gets himself made a mummy in his own lifetime.’ Said Cosmo, ‘Like Charles V., who went into his own coffin.’”

“I said Moncrieffe entertained people to flatter him, as we feed a cow to give us milk. The better the pasture, the more plentiful and richer will the milk be. Moncrieffe therefore feeds his pecora ventri obedientia in clover. Other comparisons may be made. He feeds people like silkworms, for their silk, or like civet cats, for their perfume.”

“Mr. Brown,[255] merchant in Edinburgh, who, from his stiffness of temper and manners went by the name of Buckram Brown, was a violent American; and when it was said that the king’s army had defeated and dispersed General Washington’s army near New York, ‘That is nothing,’ said he; ‘for there will start up new armies of twenty, thirty, forty thousand men.’ The Hon. Captain Archibald Erskine[256] on being told this said very pleasantly, alluding to Falstaff’s fictitious foes and Mr. Brown’s nickname, yes, men in Buckram.’”

I was present.

“There was a woman called Mrs. Betty Kettle, who lived with Mr. Thomson of Charleton,[257] and was exceedingly ill-tempered and troublesome. Lady Anne Erskine[258] said, ‘Mrs. Betty Kettle kept all the house in hot water.’”

Honble. Capt. Archibald Erskine.

“The writers who attacked David Hume before Beattie[259] took the lash in hand, treated him with so much deference that they had no effect. He was cased in a covering of respect. But Beattie stripped him of all his assumed dignity, and having laid his back bare, scourged him till he smarted keenly, and cursed again. David was on very civil terms with his former opponents, being treated by them as Dr. Shebbeare was in the pillory, who was being allowed to wear a fine powdered flowing wig. But he was virulent against Beattie, as I have witnessed, for Beattie treated him as an enemy to morals and religion deserved.”

“I said that Dempster and Crosbie were different: thus Dempster had elegant knowledge of men and books, with vivacity to show it; Crosbie solid stores of learning and law and antiquities and natural philosophy. Dempster resembles a jeweller’s shop, gay and glittering in the sun; Crosbie, the warehouse of an opulent merchant, dusky somewhat, but filled with large quantities of substantial goods.”

“I am for most part either in too high spirits or too low. I am a grand wrestler with life. It is either above me, or I am above it; yet there are calm intervals in which I have no struggle with life, and I go quietly on.—February, 1777.”

“Sir Adam Fergusson,[260] who, by a strange coincidence of chances, got in to be member of parliament for Ayrshire in 1774, was the great-grandson of a messenger. I was talking at Rowallan[261] on the 17th March, 1777, with great indignation that the whole families of the county should be defeated by an upstart. Major Dunlop[262] urged the popular topick, that the other candidate, Mr. Kennedy,[263] was supported by noblemen who wanted to annihilate the influence of the gentlemen, and he still harped on the coalition of three peers. ‘Sir,’ said I, ‘let the ancient respectable families have the lead, rather than the spawn of a messenger. Better three peers than three oyeses.’”

“Mr. David Rae,[264] advocate, when he pleaded in appeals at the bar of the House of Lords, used to speak a strange kind of English by way of avoiding Scotch. In particular he pronounced the termination, tion, as in petition, very open, that he might not sound it shin, as is done in Scotland. Mr. Nairne, advocate, said Mr. Rae has shone—tion—more in the House of Lords than any man.”

I was present.

“Mr. David Rae, advocate, one day pleaded a cause in the Court of Session with a great deal of extravagant drollery. Mr. John Swinton[265] said of him upon that occasion, he was not only Rae, but OutrÉ.”

Mr. MacLaurin.

“Swift says, ‘No man keeps me at a distance, but he keeps himself at as great a distance from me.’ This has the appearance as if the man of dignity suffered something, whereas it is just what he wishes. He wishes to be at a distance from vulgar disagreeable people.”

“A friend and neighbour of mine, Mr. H——n, of S——m,[266] is like a fire of a certain species of coal which has a deal of heat but no flame. He is warm, but wants free expression.”

“Lord Monboddo[267] was urging with keen credulity that the Patagonians were really at a medium above eight feet high. ‘Nay,’ said General Melville,[268] ‘I can believe anything great, as I happened in my youth to see a whale cast on shore.’ ‘A whale,’ said I, ‘is a good cast to the imagination.’”

Monboddo, 22nd November, 1778.

“The good humour of some people must be supplied by external and occasional aids, like a pond which depends for water on the rain which falls. Others have a constant flow of good humour within themselves, like a spring well.”

“The beautiful Lady Wallace[269] said in a company that she had had a dream, which from her way of expressing herself was suspected to be a little wanton. She said she could not tell it to the company. She could tell it but to one gentleman at a time. She told it to Mr. Crosbie. ‘It seems,’ said I, ‘you take Mr. Crosbie to be a Joseph, that you tell your dream to him.’ A witty allusion to Joseph’s character, both for interpreting dreams and for chastity.—11th December, 1779.”

“Few characters will bear the examination of reason. You may examine them for curiosity, as you examine bodies with a microscope. But you will be as much disgusted with their gross qualities. You will see them as Swift makes Gulliver see the skins of the ladies of Brobdignag.”

“A poor minister who had come to Edinburgh had his horse arrested. He upon this gave in a petition to the Lords of Session, praying to have his personal estate sequestrated and his horse delivered up to him. The lords granted his petition. George Fergusson[270] found fault with them for giving him his horse. ‘Come, come,’ said I, ‘you need not be angry; there is no kindness in it, for you know the proverb, ‘Set a beggar on horseback, and he’ll ride to the devil.’” 1779.

“I have not an ardent love for parties of pleasure; yet if I am once engaged in them no man is more joyous. The difference between me and one who is the promoter of them is like that between a water-dog and an ordinary dog. I have no instinct prompting me; I never go into the water of my own accord; but throw me in, and you will find I swim excellently.”

“Sir Joshua Reynolds observed that a little wit seemed to go a great way with the ancients, if we might judge from the instances of it which Plutarch has collected. Edmund Burke upon this observed that wit was a commodity which would not keep. Said his brother Richard,[271] ‘If there had been more salt in it, it would have kept.’”

Sir Joshua Reynolds, London,

25th April, 1776.

“The difference between satire in London and in Scotland is this:—In London you are not intimately known, so the satire is thrown at you from a distance, and, however keen, does not tear and mangle you. In London the attack on character is clean boxing. In Scotland it is grappling. They tear your hair, scratch your face, get you down in the mire, and not only hurt but disfigure and debase you.

“A company were talking of Dr. Johnson. Dr. Armstrong, who had a violent prejudice against him, and was in the habit of saying and being praised for saying odd things, was present. Being asked if his dictionary was not very well done, ‘Yes,’ said he, ‘for one man; but there should have been four-and-twenty—a blockhead for every letter.’”

Mr. Dempster.

“Burke, talking to Mr. Dempster of——, a member of Parliament who had deserted his party for court advantages, asked if he had not fallen. ‘Yes,’ said Dempster, ‘on his feet.’”

Mr. Dempster.

“Talking of the great men whom the resistance or rebellion in America had produced, Dempster said, ‘It costs a great deal to raise heroes; they must be raised in a hotbed.’ ‘Yes,’ said I, ‘these have cost a great deal of bark of royal oak, and a good deal of dung too.’”

London, 23rd April, 1779.

“The conversation having turned on Andrew Stuart’s[272] artful defence of the treacherous conduct of his brother to Lord Pigot,[273] I said, ‘He has laid on a thick colouring upon his brother’s character. It would not clean; he has died (sic) it.’”

London, 23rd April, 1779.

“Mr. Seward[274] once mentioned to me, either as a remark of his own or of somebody else’s, that the most agreeable conversation is that which entertains you at the time, but of which you remember no particulars.’ I said to-day I thought otherwise, ‘as it is better both to be entertained at the time and remember good things which have passed. There is the same difference as between making a pleasant voyage and returning home empty, and making a pleasant voyage and returning home richly laden.’”

23rd April, 1779.

“I wrote to Dempster from Edinburgh, 13th December, 1779. I am in good spirits, but you must not expect entertainment from me. The most industrious bee cannot make honey without flowers. But what are the flowers of Edinburgh?”

“Showing Dr. Johnson slight pretty pieces of poetry is like showing him fine delicate shells, which he crushes in handling.”

“In the debate concerning Sir Hugh Palliser[275] in the House of Commons, when it was proposed to address the king to dismiss him, Mr. Wedderburne said, ‘Stained as that gentleman’s flag has been, I should be very sorry to see it hoisted over him as an acting admiral; but I can see no reason why for one unfortunate spot he should be deprived of the last consolation of its waving over his grave.’”

Public Advertiser.

“My wife was angry at a silk cloak for Veronica being ill-made, and said it could not be altered. ‘Then,’ said I, ‘it must be a Persian cloak,’ alluding to the silk called Persian and the unalterable Persian laws.” 1780.

“I told Paoli that Topham Beauclerck[276] found fault with Brompton’s[277] refreshing the Pembroke family picture by Vandyck, and said he had spoiled it by painting it over (which, by the way, Lord Pembroke assured me was not the case). ‘Po, po’ said Paoli (of whom Beauclerc had talked disrespectfully), he has not spoiled it; Beauclerc scratches at everything. He is accustomed to scratch [scratching his head in allusion to Beauclerc’s lousiness], and he’d scratch at the face of Venus.’”

London, 1778.

“Bodens was dining at a house where a neck of roast veal was set down. After eating a bone of it, he was waiting for something else. The lady of the house told him it was their family dinner, and there was nothing else. ‘Nay, madam,’ said Bodens, stuttering, ‘if it be n-neck or n-othing, I’ll have t’other bone.’”

Earl Pembroke,[278] London,

26th April, 1778.

“Spottiswood[279] asked me what was the reason I had given up drinking wine. ‘Because,’ said I, ‘I never could drink it but to excess.’ Said he, ‘An excessive good reason.’”

Dining at Paoli’s,
28th April, 1778.

“When a man talks of his own faults, it is often owing to a consciousness that they cannot be concealed, and others will treat them more severely than he himself does. He thinks others will throw him down, so he had better lye down softly.”

London, April, 1778.

“I can more easily part with a good sum at once than with a number of small sums—with a hundred guineas rather than with two guineas at fifty different times; as one has less pain from having a tooth drawn whole than when it breaks and is pulled out in pieces.”

London, April, 1778.

“When Wilkes was borne on the shoulders of the unruly mob, Burke applied to him what Horace says of Pindar,—‘Fertur numeris legibus solutus.’”

Mr. Wilkes, London, April, 1778.

N.B.—“Dr. Johnson[280] thought this an admirable double pun; and he will seldom allow any vent to that species of witticism.”

“General Paoli was in a boat at Portsmouth at the naval review in 17—. He seated himself close to the helm. They wanted to steer the vessel, and in the hurry of getting to the helm they overturned the general. He said, very pleasantly:—‘Darbord que je me metts au gouvernail ou men chasse.’”

General Paoli, London, 1778.

“At the regatta on the Thames, Sir Joshua Reynolds said to Dunning,[281] ‘I wonder who is the Director of this show?’ Dunning, who delights in the ludicrous in an extreme degree, pointed to a blackguard who was sitting on one of the lamps on Westminster Bridge, and said, ‘There he is.’ Sir Joshua observing a fellow on a wooden post nearer the water answered, ‘I believe you are right, and there is one who has a post under him.’”

Sir Joshua Reynolds, London,

April 25th, 1778.

“Colman[282] had a house opposite to a timber yard. The prospect of logs and deals was but clumsy. Colman said it would soon be covered by some trees planted before his windows. Sir Joshua Reynolds upon this quoted the proverb, ‘You will not be able to see the wood for trees.’”

Sir Joshua Reynolds,

25th April, 1778.

“At Sir Joshua Reynolds’ table —— observed that in the Germanick politicks at present the King of Prussia was a good attorney for the ——. ‘Yes,’ said I, ‘and he has a good power.’”

2nd May, 1778.

“In London you have an inexhaustible variety of company to enjoy with superficial pleasure, and out of these you may always have a few chosen friends for intimate cordiality. While you have a wide lake to sport in, you may have a stewpond to fatten, cherishing to high friendship, affection, and love, by feeding with attention and kindness. One must have a friend, a wife, or a mistress much in private; must dwell upon them, if that phrase may be used; must by reiterated habits of regard feel the particular satisfaction of intimacy. There must be many coats of the colour laid on to make a body substantial enough to last, for the colour of ordinary agreeable acquaintance is so slight that every feather can brush it off. One should be very careful in choosing for the stewpond. Horace says, ‘Qualem commendes etiam atque etiam respice.’ Such a recommendation is useful to put us on our guard to preserve our character for discernment. It is as much so to make us preserve our own comfort in friendship.”

London, April, 1778.

“If you wish to be very happy with your friend, or wife, or mistress, be with them in London or Bath, or some place where you are both enjoying pleasure; not in the country, where there is dulness and weariness. You may, perhaps, bear up your spirits even in dreary cold darkness in their company, but it is too severe trial to make the experiment. There may be love enough, yet not of such a supreme degree that warms amidst external disadvantages. It is not giving them fair play. Be with them in the sunshine; let mutual gladness beam upon your hearts; and let the ideas of pleasure be associated with the ideas of your being together. If pity be akin to love, it is so to melancholy love. Joy is the fond relation of delightful love of the sweet passion.”

London, April and May, 1778.

“General Paoli one day asked me to read to him something good out of my journal of conversations, which he found me busy recording. I was running my eye over the pages, muttering and long of bringing forth anything, upon which the general observed with his usual metaphorical fancy, finesse d’esprit, ‘Reason says I am a deer lost in a wood. It is difficult to find me.’ I had nothing to answer at the time, but afterwards—I forget how long—I said, ‘The wood is crowded with deer. There are so many good things, one is at a loss which to choose.’”

London, April, 1778.

“Mr. Crosbie was the member of several clubs. I said to him, ‘Crosbie, you are quite a club sawyer.’”

“Dr. Webster was rather late in coming to a dinner which I gave at Fortune’s, 9th July, 1774. His apology was, that just as he was coming out a man arrived who had money to pay him, and he stayed to receive it. ‘You was very right,’ said I, ‘for money is not like fame, that if you fly from it, it will pursue you as your shadow does.’”

“Harry Erskine[283] was observing that a certain agent would take it amiss to have it mentioned that his grandfather was a bellman. ‘I don’t think it,’ said I. ‘A bellman is a respectable title,’ said Peter Murray;[284] ‘it is at least a sounding title.’”

“‘I was wondering one day how many times a lawyer walks backwards and forwards in the outer house[285] in a forenoon,’ said Cosmo Gordon. ‘You must take a compound ratio of his idleness and his velocity.’”

“My wife said it would be much better to give salaries to members of Parliament than to let them try what they can get off their country by places and pensions. Said she, ‘They are like ostlers and postillions, who have no wages, and must support themselves by vails.’”[286]

“One day when causes were called in the Inner House in an irregular manner, and not according to the roll, I said to Crosbie, ‘The English courts run straight out like a fox; ours double like a hare.’”

“The pleasure of seeing Italy chiefly depends on the ideas which a man carries thither. Take an ignorant mechanick or an unlearned country squire to the banks of the Tiber. Show him Mount Soracte, the ruins of Rome, and drive him on to Naples, he will have little enjoyment. But a man whose mind is stored with classical knowledge feels a noble enthusiasm. His ideas uniting with the objects before him catch fire, and a flame is produced as in a chemical process by the mingling of certain substances, while others remain quite tame. A man must have his imagination charged with classical particles.”

“The severe measures taken against the Americans united them firmly by a cement of blood.”

A. Briton, Pub. Advert., 16th Sept., 1775.

“Parliament is now, instead of being the representative of the nation, the echo of the Cabinet; and its acts are only wrappers to the ready prepared pills of the court laboratory for the people to swallow—if they do not stick in their throats.”

A. Briton, Pub. Advert., 16th Sept., 1775.

“I said of a rich man who entertained us luxuriously, that although he was exceedingly ridiculous, we restrained ourselves from talking of him as we might do, lest we should lose his feasts. Said I, ‘he makes our teeth sentinels upon our tongues.’”

“I said that a drunken fellow was not honest. ‘A stick,’ said I ‘kept allways moist becomes rotten.’”

“If a man entertains his company himself, it is a great fatigue. It is blowing a fire with his own breath. Whoever can afford it should have a led captain of strong animal spirits, who may, like perpetual bellows, keep up the social flame.”

“I told Nairne one afternoon that I had been taking an airing with our solicitor-general. Said he, ‘Was you learning to be solicitor?’ ‘No no,’ said I; ‘solicitors-general are non docti, sed facti.’”

1777.

“Poor David Hamilton of Monkland, on account of his vote in Lanarkshire, was made one of the macers of the Court of Session. He had a constant hoarseness, so that he could scarcely be heard when he called the causes and the lawyers, and was indeed as unfit for a crier of court as a man could be. I said he had no voice but at an election.”

“Sandie Maxwell, the wine merchant, told a story very well, and used to heighten it by greater and greater degrees of strong humour, according to the disposition of the company. I said he blew a story to any size, as a man blows figures in a glasshouse. A satirical fellow would say, I warrant he shall not blow his own bottles to too large a size.”

“Lady Di Beauclerk[287] said to me she understood Mrs. V—— was an idiot. I said I was told so too; but when I was introduced to her did not find it be true. ‘Or perhaps,’ said I, ‘her being less an idiot than I had imagined her to be may have made me think she was not an idiot at all.’ ‘I think,’ said Lady Di, ‘she is bad enough, if that be all that a lawyer has to say for her, that she is only less an idiot than he imagined.’ Said I, ‘There are different kinds of idiots as of dogs, water idiots and land idiots, and so on.’ ‘I think,’ said Lady Di, ‘that is worth writing down.’”

Richmond, 27th April, 1781.

“Lady Di Beauclerk told me that Langton had never been to see her since she came to Richmond, his head was so full of the militia and Greek. ‘Why,’ said I, ‘madam, he is of such a length, he is awkward, and not easily moved.’ ‘But,’ said she, ‘if he had laid himself at his length, his feet had been in London, and his head might have been here eodem die.’”

“Lord Chesterfield could indulge himself in making any sort of pun at a time. Dr. Barnard, now Bishop of Killaloe, was standing by his lordship in the pump-room at Bath, when the late Duchess of Northumberland’s father was brought in a chair very unwieldy. The musick was playing. My lord said to Barnard, ‘We have a new sort of instrument this morning—a dull Seymour[288] (dulcimer).’”

From Dr. Barnard, London, 1781.

“Parnell[289] was miserably addicted to drinking. He could not refrain even the morning that Swift introduced him to Lord Oxford.[290] My lord pressed through the crowd to get to Parnell. But he soon perceived his situation. He in a little said to Swift, ‘your friend, I fear, is not very well.’ Swift answered, ‘He is troubled with a great shaking.’ ‘I am sorry,’ said the Earl, ‘that he should have such a distemper, but especially that it should attack him in the morning.’”

From Dr. Barnard, Bishop of Killaloe,

who had it from Dr. Delany.

“In spring, 1781, Dr. Franklin[291] wrote from Paris to a freind in London, with indignation against one who had been entrusted with money belonging to the American prisoners, and had run off with it. One expression in his letters was singularly strong, and indeed wild:—‘If that fellow is not damned, it is not worth while to keep a devil.’”

Mr. Suard.[292]

“Lord Foley,[293] whose extravagance frequently brought his creditors upon him so as to have executions in his house, was rallying George Selwyn on his particular curiosity for spectacles of death. ‘You go,’ said he, ‘I understand, to see all executions.’ ‘No my lord,’ answered George, ‘I don’t go to see your executions.’”

Mr. Suard.

“The Honourable Mrs. Stuart[294] was one day talking to me with just severity against drunkenness (the sin which doth most easily beset me). I attempted to apologise, and said that intoxication might happen at a time to any man. ‘Yes,’ said she, ‘to any man but a Scotsman, for what with another man is an accident is in him a habit.’”

“At Sir John Dick’s, Sunday, 8th May, 1785, I made the gentlemen sit and drink out some capital old hock after the ladies left us. When I came into the drawing-room, and was seated by the lady of Sir Matthew White Ridley,[295] she said to me, ‘We ladies don’t like you when you have drunk a bottle of hock, because you then tell us only plain truth.’ ‘Bravo!’ cried I; ‘Lady Ridley, this shall go into my Boswelliana. It is one of the best bon mots I have heard for a long time. It goes deep into human nature.’”

“M. D’Ankerville (9th May, 1785) at General Paoli’s paid me the compliment that I was the man of genius who had the best heart he had ever known.”

“The king cannot give to Langton because he is not in the political sphere. He cannot take a handful of the gold upon the faro table, and give it to any man, however worthy, who is only looking on or stalking round the room. Let him play, let him part, and take his chance. The king is but the marker at the great billiard-table of the state. He can mark a man three, four, or five, or whatever number according to his play, and if he goes off the table into opposition, can rub out the chalk; like the marker, he can give what money he has for himself as he pleases, and employ his own tailor or shoemaker, and buy his own snuff and ballads, take a walk or a ride at his idle hours where he pleases.”

“The first time Suard saw Burke, who was at Reynolds’s, Johnson touched him on the shoulder and said, ‘Le grande Burke.’”

“My journal is ready; it is in the larder, only to be sent to the kitchen, or perhaps trussed and larded a little.”

“Mrs. Cosway[296] said she had often expressed a wish to see me. General (Paoli) did not tell me this. He has been affraid of making me too vain and turning the head of his friend. No, he knows the value of things—it was not worth telling.”

“At Mr. Aubrey’s, 19th April, Wilkes and I hard at it. I warm on monarchy. ‘Po, your’n old Tory.’ Boswell. ‘And you’re a new Tory. Let that stand for that.’”

“I mentioned my having been in Tothill Fields Bridewell; how the keeper had let me in, &c. Wilkes, ‘I don’t wonder at your getting in, but that you got out.’ Bos. ‘O no, I have no propensity to be a jail-bird; I never had the honour you have had[297] [he looking a little disconcerted, as the pill rather too strong]—I mean being Lord Mayor of London; I mean the golden chain. I never had the honour to have a chain of any sort.’”

“‘I’ll have some of the other soup too. Were there a hundred soups, I should eat of them all.’ Mrs. Aubrey (very pleasantly): ‘I am sorry ours comes so far short of your number.’”

“Old Hutton[298] talked of men of phlegm and men of fancy. Said H., ‘Men of phlegm punish the beef, the solid parts of dinner; men of fancy, the dessert.’ ‘Sir,’ said I, ‘men of fancy would have nothing to work upon were there not men of phlegm. Men of phlegm perform the actions, compile the histories, discover the arts and sciences upon which poetry is founded.’”

“Dr. Burney[299] said he hoped I was now come to plant myself in London. ‘I’ll bring the watering pan,’ said he.”

“I told Lord Galloway,[300] April, 1785, that I called Lord Daer Darius.[301] ‘What,’ said he, ‘do you think him the son of Cyrus?’ laughing at Lord Selkirk. I did not think he’d have said this, though a distinguished law lord.”

“When Pitt the second made his first appearance in the House of Commons in opposition to Fox, Gibbon[302] said, ‘There is a beautiful painted pinnace just going to be run down by a black collier.’ He never was more mistaken. Pitt has more forcible indignation in him than Fox.”

Wilkes.

“As a playful instance of the proverb, I said, ‘Every man has his price. Lord Shelburne[303] has his price [meaning Dr. Price],[304] whom I love and call Pretium affectionis.’”

Monday, 18th April, 1785, at

Dr. Brocklesby’s.[305]

“General Paoli said more good things than almost anybody, yet he talks of them with contempt. I told him he had always bon mots about him, which he used like footballs—he threw them down and gave them a kick.” 24th April, 1785.

“April, 1785, at Mr. Osborne’s. Sir Joseph Banks told me he was sure he had a soul. He felt it high within him, as a woman does a child.”

“25th April, 1785. Dining on guard with Colonel Lord Cathcart,[306] Cataline was mentioned. ‘Who was he?’ said George[307] Hanger, ‘for I know no ancient history.’ ‘I’ll tell you what he was,’ said Colonel Tarleton. ‘Alieni cupidus, sui profusus.’ ‘Very fair!’ said Hanger. In a little talking of fellows going carelessly to execution, Tarleton said, ‘We’re told Sir Thomas More smiled all the way.’”

“Mrs. Heron[308] being at her parish church, the name of the minister being Stot,[309] as it was a very bad day, and the wind and rain were driving through the windows, a lady observed that it was like a guarde mange. ‘I think so too, madam,’ said she; ‘but if that were the case I should think it would be better to have a dead stot than a living one.’”

From herself.

“Houstoun Stewart[310] was one night in Drury Lane playhouse very shabbily dressed. A surly-looking, boorish fellow comes up to him: ‘Pray, sir, whose seat do you keep?’ Houstoun replied with an ironical complaisance, ‘Yours, sir.’ As he was rising the fellow observed his sword, was much confused, and asked ten thousand pardons. ‘From this,’ says Stewart, ‘we see the value of a sword. Had I wanted it I might have been taken for a real footman.’”

Mr. G. Goldie.

“A comical fellow was telling that Raploch sat upon turkey eggs and brought out birds, which made the company laugh extremely. ‘Stay, stay, gentlemen!’ says Harry Barclay;[311] ‘you don’t know that these turkeys are all my cousins german, for Raploch is my uncle.’”

Lady Kames.[312]

“A gentleman was one night talking of the Nile. An ignorant boobie who was present asked him with great eagerness, ‘Pray, what fellow was that?’ ‘Why, troth, sir,’ says he, ‘it was a fellow that took a conceit to hide his head so that it could not be found again.’”

Mrs. Heron.

“A dog one day jumped upon Miss Bruce[313] of Kinross’s lap at a tea-table. ‘I wonder,’ says she, ‘if dogs can see anything particularly agreeable about me?’ ‘Indeed, madam,’ replied a gentleman, ‘he would be a very sad dog that did not.’”

Mrs. G. Goldie.

“Mr. Heron[314] was one day reproving a servant at table for negligence. ‘What have you been thinking of, Peter, that you have forgot spoons?’ ‘I suppose, my dear,’ says his lady, ‘that he has been thinking of knives and forks.’”

I was present.

“We are apt to imagine that the Turks are a brutal sort of people, totally given up to gross sensuality, and altogether void of gay fancy or the finer feelings. As an instance to the contrary, my Lord Galloway tells that he was sitting at Constantinople with a Turkish gentleman, who, although a true Mussulman, took a glass of wine. The custom there is not for a company to drink all at once, like a regiment going through their evolutions, but as the intention of drinking is to cheer the spirits, they take a cup of the liquor which stands before them just as they feel themselves in need of it. This Turk, after having taken three or four bumpers of champagne, pointed to a lamp which hung above their heads, as they never use candles. ‘This,’ says he, ‘my lord, is to me as the oil is to that lamp.’ A pretty allusion, as if it lighted him up.”

Lord Kenmore.[315]

“My lord having shown to the same gentleman a picture of Lady Garlies,[316] he looked at it a long time very attentively, and then asked my lord, with a good deal of emotion, whose picture it was. My lord answered that it was the picture of his lady, who had died just before he left his native country. ‘My lord,’ said the Turk, ‘you have the strongest constitution, and have a chance to live longer than any man I ever met with.’ And being asked his reason for saying so, ‘Because, my lord, you have been able to survive so fine a woman.’ A noble expression of a feeling heart.”

Lord Kenmore.

“Silinger, a gentleman of Ireland, remarkable for humour and spirit, had got himself drunk one night, and had broke windows in St. James’s Street. Next morning at White’s they were all talking of and abusing him most confoundedly. Lord Coke,[317] a most worthless fellow, stood up with great warmth for Mr. Silinger, who a little after came in! ‘Silinger,’ cried my lord, ‘you are much obliged to me this morning, for I have been losing my character in defence of yours.’ ‘Have you so, my lord?’ says he, ‘then you are much obliged to me, for you have lost the worst character in all England.’”

Mr. Murray, of Broughtoun.

“Colonel Chartres,[318] who knew mankind too well to be ignorant of the power of flattery, said to John,[319] Duke of Argyle, ‘Good heaven, my lord, what would I give to have your character! I would give ten thousand pounds.’ ‘Indeed, Chartres,’ replied the duke, ‘it would be the worst bargain you ever made, for you would lose it again in a day.’”

Lord Kames.

“A gentleman was one day making that common serious reflection, ‘Time runs.’ ‘Very well,’ replied Boswell, ‘let it run there, for I am sure I shall never try to pursue it.’”

“Lady Katie Murray[320] having shown her full-length portrait to Lord Eglintoune, ‘O such vanity, such vanity!’ cried he, ‘do you really take that for you?’ ‘Indeed, my lord,’ says she, Mr. Reynolds says that it is me; so I can’t help it.’”

From herself.

“Colonel Folly came to wait upon old Jerviswood,[321] who was very deaf; and being very finically dressed, the old gentleman asked with great curiosity, ‘Who’s that? who’s that?’ and being answered, Colonel Folly, ‘I see,’ says he, ‘he’s a fool, but what is his name?’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Sir Alexander Dick passed an evening at Rome with a number of gentlemen, who had been obliged to fly Scotland on account of the rebellion, 1715. One of them sung ‘The Broom of the Cowdenknowes,’[322] with which the whole company were so much affected as to burst into tears and cry with great bitterness.”

From himself.

“When John McKie[323] was in Prussia, one of the sentinels petitioned him and some other gentlemen who were with him for their charity to a poor Briton, who had been seized by the advanced guards while in the Dutch service, and had now but very poor pay. ‘Pray, sir,’ said Mr. McKie, ‘what is your name?’ ‘John McKie, sir,’ said he, ‘from the Laird of Balgowan’s estate, in the parish of Monigaff, in Galloway.’ Surprised and pleased at the discovery, they collected all the silver they had about them and threw to him.”

Sir Robert Maxwell, 3rd hand.

“Jerviswood carried his whole family to travel with him through Italy. The first night of their being in Rome they went to an assembly, and were surprised to find them dancing to the tune of ‘The Lads of Dunse.’ The history of the thing was this:—the Italians have no country dances; but Miss Edwin, sister to Lady Charlotte’s husband, was very fond of the Scots country dances, and as her family were opulent people when they were abroad, she had influence enough with the Italians to introduce these dances, which they still remain fond of.”

Lord Kames.

“It is a tradition believed in the family of Carnwath[324] that one of the old earls, who was a very zealous Catholic, took it into his head to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Sepulchre. As he was entering one of the gates of Constantinople he saw a woman sitting on a balcony spinning and singing, ‘O the broom,’ &c.”

Lord Kenmore.[325]

“A man had heard that Dempster was very clever, and therefore expected that he could say nothing but good things. Being brought acquainted, Mr. Dempster said to him with much politeness, ‘I hope, sir, your lady and family are well.’ ‘Ay, ay, man,’ said he, ‘pray where is the great wit in that speech?’”

Lady Ann Erskine.

“A gentleman was complaining that he had done good to another who had made him no grateful return. ‘Well, well,’ said Boswell, ‘you are so far lucky, that if you did good to your neighbour you have your reward, whether he will or not.’”

“Boswell and John Home met with a man in their walk one morning, who said that he was a hundred and three. ‘What a stupid fellow,’ said Boswell, ‘must that be who has lived so long!’”

“Boswell was one day complaining that he was sometimes dull. ‘Yes, yes,’ cried Lord Kames, ‘aliquando dormitat Homerus’ (Homer sometimes nods). Boswell being too much elated with this, my lord added, ‘Indeed, sir, it is the only chance you had of resembling Homer.’”

“A countryman came one day and told Lady Machermore,[326] ‘Oh, madam, you have lost a great enemy this morning—the auld bear of Kirouchtree’s dead.’ ‘Ay, ay,’ says she, ‘the auld Heron dead? give the honest man a dram.’ The fellow took his dram very contentedly, and then said, ‘Na, God be thanked, madam, Heron’s not dead, for I mean the old boar-sow that used to destroy your potatoes.’”

Mr. Heron.

“At an execution in the Grass Mercat, Boswell was observing that if you will consider it abstractly there is nothing terrible in it. ‘No doubt, sir,’ replied Mr. Love, ‘if you will abstract everything terrible that it has about it, nothing terrible will remain.’”

“When Lord Galloway was in Constantinople, an old Turk of sixty was dining one day with a company of the English, with whose ease and freedom and mirth he was so much transported as to exclaim, ‘Good God, am I come to this age, and have lived but one day!’”

Lord Galloway.

“Lord Mark Ker[327] was playing at backgammon with Lord Stair in a coffee-house in London; an impudent fellow was saying some rude things against Scotland. ‘Come, my Lord Stair,’ said Lord Mark, ‘let us have a throw of the dice, which of us two kicks this scoundrel down-stairs.’ Lord Stair had the highest throw, and accordingly used the fellow as he deserved. ‘Well,’ said Lord Mark, ‘I allways am unlucky at play.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Montgomerie,[328] of Skermorly, was Provost of Glasgow. A vain, haughty man, Jacobie Corbet,[329] a merchant, and a noted man for humour, accosted him one day in the familiar style of ‘How are you, Hugh?’ ‘Hugh, sir?’ said he, ‘is that a proper way of talking to the Lord Provost of Glasgow?—Officer, take this fellow to prison directly.’ It was accordingly done. Some time after commissions for justices of the peace came down, and amongst the rest was one for —— Montgomerie, of Skermorly. ‘Ay,’ said he, ‘this is pretty odd. I should think the Queen might have been better acquainted with my name.’ ‘Indeed,’ replied Corbet, ‘I dare say she remembered your name, but she knew that if she called you Hugh she would have got the Tolbooth.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“When Campbell,[330] of Shawfield, returned with all his riches to Glasgow, everybody flocked about him to pay their respects except Corbet, with whom he had served his apprenticeship, who never troubled his head or went near him. Shawfield, concerned at this, and willing to ingratiate himself with everybody, came up to him as he was walking before his shop. ‘Oh, my good old friend, Jacobie Corbet, I rejoice to see you. I protest I know no odds upon you these twenty years.’ ‘Say you so, Daniel?’ cried he, ‘but I know a very great odds upon you; you came here at first wanting bretches, and now you are riding a coach and six.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Colonel Irwin[331] was dancing down a country dance at Bath, when somebody said, ‘I hope Mrs. Irwin is well.’ The colonel, dancing on, bowed and smiled and replied, ‘Dead a fortnight,—dead a fortnight.’”

Lord Kelly.

“Sanderson, the Quaker, and Lady Galloway, had a violent dispute about religion. ‘Well, well, Catherine,’[332] said he, ‘you have but an Act of Parliament for your religion; I have the same for mine.’”

Lord Galloway.

“Lady Garlies[333] was making a cap to herself one evening. Says old Galloway, with much slyness, ‘If you were a milliner, madam, you would have plenty of business.’ ‘Yes,’ said Garlies, one way or t’other.’”

I was present.

“A young extravagant dog had contrived to swell his bills prodigiously, and among other articles he had this:—‘To an entertainment to my friends the night before I left Oxford, £40.’ ‘My dear Tom,’ said his father, ‘I rejoice to find you so fortunate a man, for by what I can see you have a greater number of friends than any man in England.’”

Mr. Allan Whitefoord.[334]

“A company of strolling players were rehearsing ‘Macbeth,’ and singing the chorus of ‘We fly by night.’ ‘Oh,’ cried the landlord, who overheard them, ‘I’ll take care of that;’ and immediately called a constable to lay hold of them.”

Mr. Love.

“As Lord Mark Ker was going one night to pay a visit, one of his chairmen jostled a gentleman upon the street, who immediately knocked him down. Lord Mark came out of his chair, and as the fellow recovered himself, he desired the gentleman to chastise him for his insolence, which he declined. ‘Why, then, sir,’ said Lord Mark, ‘you will excuse me for taking notice of you for knocking down my chairman,’ and caned him most heartily.”

Lord Galloway.

“Sir William Maxwell of Springkell[335] said that Lord Fife[336] and Miss Willy[337] Maxwell resembled one another, for they had both bought their titles dear enough.”

I was present.

“Whenever a young man was recommended to old Lord Stormont[338] for one of his kirks, he used allways to ask, ‘Is he good-natured in his drink?’ and if that was the case he said he should be his man.”

Sir John Douglas.

“Lady Elibank[339] was regretting that old families should sink. Sir William Baird of Newbyth,[340] an ugly-looking dog, was there, who laughed and said, ‘What is all that stuff about old families? All nonsense! I should be glad to know who is the representative of Nebuchadnezzar’s family?’ This Lord Elibank, then a boy, replied, ‘You, sir, and he got you when he was eating grass with the beasts of the field.’”

Sir William Maxwell.

“At a hunters’ meeting at Dumfries, Mr. Riddle[341] of Glenriddle came up to the Duke of Hamilton,[342] with his hand in his coat pocket. ‘Will your Grace crack any walnuts?’ The duke, who had lost his teeth, took it as an affront, and was very sulky.”

Sir William Maxwell.

“When this story was told, somebody said, ‘That’s nuts for B[oswell].’”

“When Sir Peter Frazer of Dores[343] brought home his lady to the Highlands, he said to his English coachman, ‘All these hills are mine, John.’ ‘Indeed, sir,’ said he, ‘they’re all not worth a groat. I would not take off my hat and thank God Almighty for all this part of the creation.’ Just as he spoke the coach overturned.”

Sir William Maxwell.

“When Lord Hyndford[344] was ambassador at the court of Berlin, the King of Prussia said to him one morning at the levee, ‘Do you know, my lord, that two of my soldiers have this morning died of the English distemper? they have hanged themselves.’ ‘True, sire,’ replied Lord Hyndford; ‘but it was for a very different reason. Suicide amongst our people is occasioned by an over-fulness; but I am told that these fellows hanged themselves because they were dying of hunger.’”

Lord Auchinleck.

“Lord Dunmore[345] was telling Lord Cassillis[346] that his little child was beginning to speak, and could allready say Dun. ‘Well, my lord,’ said he, ‘it will say more by and by.’”

From himself.

“Colonel Murray was imposing on some ignorant young fellow at play. Lord Mark Ker said nobody but a scoundrel and a villain would do so. Murray came to Lord Mark, and asked him if he had said so. ‘Sir,’ said he, ‘to the best of my remembrance these were my words. I am not sure but I likewise added rascal.’”

Sir W. Maxwell.

“A fellow was swearing most terribly in a coffee-house. Colonel Forrester came up to him. ‘Pray sir, what entitles you to swear and blaspheme at this rate?’ ‘Eh, colonel,’ said he, ‘What! are you reproving me for it? I’m sure you used to swear as much as any man.’ ‘Yes sir,’ said he, ‘when it was the fashion. But now it is only practised by porters and chairmen. I left it off as below a gentleman.’”

Mr. Goldie, of Hoddam.

“Cosmo Alexander[347] the painter, upon a slight acquaintance with a Roman Catholic lady, took her out to dance in the Edinburgh assembly, and as he was figuring away in black velvet with various gesticulations, ‘Lord Elibank,’ asked Sir William Maxwell, ‘who’s that who dances?’ Being told Mr. Alexander the painter, ‘Upon my word,’ said his lordship, ‘a very picturesque minuet.’”

Sir William Maxwell.

“The Duke of Newcastle[348] had a very mixed character, was not deficient in parts, but was remarkable for being inattentive, confused, and hurried. Lord Chesterfield said he was like a man who had lost half an hour in the morning and was running about all the day, in order to find it again.”

Lord Kames.

“Lady——, a woman of low birth, whose father and uncle had both been strung at Tyburn, asked George Selwyn[349] to come and see an elegant room which she was fitting up at her house in Pall Mall. George, observing some vacant places for pictures, inquired what she was to put there. She said she intended to hang some family pictures there. ‘O, madam’ replied he, ‘I thought all your ladyship’s family had been hanged already.’”

Captain Erskine.

“The Laird of Macfarlane[350] was maintaining one day that the highlands was much better country than Fife, and that Kelly Law would make no figure among the hills in his country. ‘I grant you,’ said Captain Erskine, ‘it would make but a contemptible figure as a hill, but it would make an admirable plain.’”

From Captain Erskine.

“An Irish servant told his master that his best horse had fallen over a precipice. ‘Well,’ said he, ‘there is no help for it; let us at least save something; go directly and skin him, and come quickly back.’ The fellow, being very long of returning, was asked what he had been about. ‘An’t please your honour,’ said he, ‘the horse run so fast, that it was three hours before I could overtake him to get the skin off.’”

Lady Betty Macfarlane.[351]

“The same gentleman sent his servant one dark night with a friend to conduct him through a bad step in the road. His friend fell into the very middle of the mire. The servant being asked upon his return if he had shown the gentleman the hole, ‘Indeed sir,’ said he, ‘he did not need to be shown it, for he found it himself.’”

Lady Betty Macfarlane.

“A countryman was carrying a hare over his shoulder in the streets. A waggish young fellow accosted him thus:—‘Pray sir, is that your own hare, or a wig?’”

Captain Erskine.

“When Mr. Love was engaged for Drury Lane, he went to Covent Garden and saw Shuter[352] play Falstaff the night before he appeared in that character himself. After the play was over, Mr. Shuter said, ‘He has satisfied me very much—because he satisfied nobody else.’”

From himself.

“The Duke de Nivernois[353] is a man of fine parts and address, but a very diminutive figure. When he made his appearance in London in the year 1762, Charles Townshend said, ‘It is impossible this can be an ambassador, for he has not even the preliminaries of a man.’”

Lord Kelly.

“Eating supper is nothing. ’Tis drinking supper hurts a man.”

29th May, 1783.

“Mr. Burke said at Chelsea College dinner, a poor French cook was persecuted by the mob at Edinburgh as a Papist. Said young Burke, ‘They had taken him for a frier!’”

“At Chelsea College dinner, 29th May, 1783, Sir George Howard,[354] the Governor, drank to the memory of Charles the Second, the founder; and then to the glorious and immortal memory of William the Third, its last royal benefactor. Mr. Burke, who used to joke with Mr. Boswell as a friend to the House of Stewart, observed that no notice had been taken of James the Second, whose name is still inscribed upon the college as a benefactor. Mr. Boswell then said, merely from the connection of the word medio with that prince as the middle king who had promoted that institution, ‘Sir George, you are unmindful of medio tutissimus ibis.’ Sir George answered, very justly, ‘That is a maxim I think he did not understand.’”

“My friends are to me like the cinnamon tree, which produces nutmeg, mace, and cinnamon; not only do I get wisdom and worth out of them, but amusement. I use them as the Chinese do their animals; nothing is lost; there a very good dish is made of the poorest parts. So I make the follies of my friends serve as a dessert after their valuable qualities.”

“It is very disagreeable to hear a man going about a subject and about it, and hesitating, while one perceives what he means to say. Mental stammering hurts one as much as a stammering in speech.”

Mrs. Boscawen,[355] 17th May, 1784.

“I was observing at Mr. Dilly’s how terrible an idea it was when Mr. Perry was going to the East Indies for ten years in quest of languages. Dr. Johnson said, with his wonderful shrewdness, ‘He went to the East Indies. The question is, what did he go from?’”

“My only objection to living in London is that there is too much space and too little time.”

27th May 1784.

“I said Suard had a feeble venom spit-spit.”

1784.

“I told General Paoli that Dr. Johnson said Langton was first a talking man—then he would be a silent man. ‘All upon system, to be distinguished,’ said the General. ‘He wanted to go into the cave of Trophonius, and he went into that of Polyphemus’ (alluding to his being a disciple of Dr. Johnson).”

1784.

“My son Alexander,[356] one day in December [1783], when in a passion at his sister Phemie for something she had said, used this strong expression,—‘Phemie, if your tongue be not cut out, it will soon be full of lies.’”

1784.

“January 7. He understood that there was a violent opposition to the king; and he imagined Sir Philip Ainslie[357] was on that side. He said the king should send messengers to discover all that are against him. That would soon turn Sir Philip Ainslie’s brain right.”

“January 10. He complained that his brother James beat him. Grange said he should not mind him, as he was but a child. ‘Ay,’ said he, ‘but he must not be a big man to me’ (alluding to the weight of his blows).”

“The difference between an ancient family is sometimes not visible. Above the ground the tree may be the same. The ancient has only deeper roots, which only antiquarian diggers observe. Yet from the deep roots there are plants of a more stately air, so that in general the difference appears even in the stem and branches; sometimes, indeed, by rich and happy culture, the new ones will look almost as well.”

“In a book of science or of general information, one may introduce an eloquent sentence, if not too flighty; or, when an elevated thought occurs stand on tiptoe, but not rise from the ground. I made this remark to Mr. Lumsden, while reading a passage of higher tone in his account of Rome. It will also apply to Sir John Pringle’s[358] Discourses before the Royal Society.”

“A man begged sixpence from a gentleman and was refused. With a melancholy look he said, ‘Well, then, I know what to do.’ The gentleman struck with this, and dreaming the poor man meant to kill himself, gave him the sixpence, and then asked him, ‘What would you do?’ ‘Why, sir,’ said he, ‘I should be obliged to work.’”

Dr. Webster.

“Peter Boyle[359] has so much milk of temper one can hardly be angry with him. But even milk will offend, when it goes down the wrong throat.”

“Asparagus is like gentility; it cannot be brought to the table till several generations from the dunghill.”

“The arsenic sophistry of Gibbon—sweet and poisonous.”

“The minds of some men are like a dark cellar—their knowledge lies concealed; while the minds of others are all sunshine and mirror, and reflect all that they read or hear in a lively manner.”

“Sir John Wemyss[360] calling on R. Colville[361] in the abbey a few weeks after losing £500 by him, was offered by him a tune on the fiddle. ‘Stay,’ said Sir John, ‘till the rest of your creditors get a share.’”

“‘Who’s there?’ said the Lord President Arniston, one morning at breakfast, in winter, 1782-3; ‘I dinna see.’ John Swinton, then a candidate for a gown, courteously said, ‘The light is in your lordship’s eyes.’ ‘No, John,’ said he, ‘the light’s out of my e’en.’”

“Burke said that it was of great consequence to have a British peerage, for each generation is born in a great theatre where he may display his talents. I told this to General Paoli, who was of a different opinion. ‘It is true,’ said the general, he is born in a great theatre, but he is applauded before he acts.’”

“When it was asked in India why Sir Thomas Rumbold’s[362] acquisition of wealth made more noise than that of others, a black man said, ‘Others pluck one feather, and one feather from the fowl, and the fowl do not make noise; but Rumbold tear all the feathers all at once, and the fowl cry Zua, Zua.’”

Mr. Dempster.

“General Paoli said of Sir Joshua Reynolds, whose deafness made him use a trumpet, ‘He has a horn only at one ear; if he had one at both he would be a Jupiter.’”

6th May, 1781.

“I told young Burke that Wilkes said he was an enemy to General Paoli from the natural antipathy of good to bad. ‘Which is the bad?’ said Burke.”

6th May, 1781.

“General Paoli described a blue-stocking meeting very well:—Here, four or five old ladies talking formally, and a priest (Dr. Barnard, Provost of Eton), with a wig like the globe, sitting in the middle, as if he were confessing them.’”

May, 1781.

“Mrs. Thrale spoke slightingly of Paradise.[363] She said, ‘I never heard him say anything, but my fader vos not a Greek, but my moder was a Greek.’ Young Burke and I thought her too severe; ‘but,’ said young Burke, ‘it seems she does not find the tree of knowledge in Paradise.’”

6th May, 1781.

“Lady Preston[364] had catched cold by going to some meeting. Capt. Brisbane[365] wrote to Lady Maxwell,[366] ‘Some ladies have a zeal, I do not say without knowledge, but without constitution to support it.’”

“When Wilkes and I sat together, each glass of wine produced a flash of wit, like gunpowder thrown into the fire—Puff! puff!”

“Lord Mountstuart said at J. R. McKye’s, 30th April, 1783, that it was observed I was like Charles Fox. ‘I have been told so,’ said I. ‘You’re much uglier,’ said Col. James Stuart, with his sly drollery. I turned to him, full as sly and as droll: ‘Does your wife think so, Colonel James?’ Young Burke said, ‘Here was less meant than meets the ear.’”

“Mr. Charles Cochrane[367] was applied to requesting freestone to erect a monument at Falkirk to Sir Harry Monro,[368] who was killed at the battle there, fighting against Prince Charles in 1745. Mr. Cochrane very readily granted the request, and said he should be very glad to give stones for burying all the Whigs in Scotland.”

From Mr. Stobie, Mr. Cochrane’s agent.

“One who boasted of being an infidel said to Mr. Allan Logan that he wished much to see a spirit, but had in vain visited churchyards and every other place where he had the best chance. Mr. Logan, who was a very serious and even superstitious and credulous believer, answered, ‘Why, man, you was a great fool for making the experiment, and you would have the devil to be as great a fool as yourself. He is sure of you at present, and you would have him to appear to you, that you might be convinced of a future state and escape him? No, no; he is too wise for that.’”

1st Oct., 1780, from the Rev. Mr. Rolland[369] of Culross.

“The Earl of Dumfries,[370] in Charles the Second’s time, was a hard-hearted, unfeeling father. His son, Lord Crichton, had gone to Edinburgh, foolishly, as he thought. He died there, and his corpse was brought home to be buried in the family vault. As the earl saw the hearse from his window he said, ‘Ay, ay, Charles, thou went to Edinburgh without an errand; I think thou hast got one to bring thee back again.’ My father, who was always averse to my going to London, often told this story before me. I said one day of the earl, ‘What a barbarian!’”

“Mr. Beauclerc told Dr. Johnson that Dr. James[371] said to him he knew more Greek than Mr. Walmsley.[372] ‘Sir,’ said he, ‘Dr. James did not know enough of Greek to be sensible of his ignorance of the language. Walmsley did.’”

Mr. Langton.

“A certain young clergyman used to come about Dr. Johnson. The Doctor said it vexed him to be in his company, his ignorance was so hopeless. ‘Sir,’ said Mr. Langton, ‘his coming about you shows he wishes to help his ignorance.’ ‘Sir,’ said the Doctor, ‘his ignorance is so great, I am afraid to show him the bottom of it.’”

Mr. Langton.

“To account for the common remark that the more a man advances in knowledge, the less he seems to himself to know, Mr. Burke said that what is in itself infinite, there is a larger circle without the first, and a larger without the next, and so on.”

Young Mr. Burke.

“Dr. Johnson desired me to tell Sheridan[373] he’d be glad to see him and shake hands with him. I said Sheridan was unwilling to come, as he never could forget the attack —— half told him. ‘But it was wrong to keep up resentment so long,’ said the Doctor; ‘the truth is, he knows I despise his character; ’tis not all resentment; partly out of habit, and rather disgust, as at a drug that has made him sick.’”

“Lady Townshend[374] sent to Mr. Winnington for his coach and six horses one day. He asked her afterwards if they came in proper time, and her ladyship was pleased with them. ‘Oh,’ said she, ‘I only invited them to dine. I wished they should have one good dinner, so I ordered them plenty of hay and straw.’”

Mr. Langton.

“I said it was a strange thing that Short,[375] the famous telescope maker in London, left a legacy of a thousand pounds to Lady Mary Douglas, who had no need of money, when he had a number of poor relations. Thomas Earl of Kelly said upon this, ‘He was not a reflecting telescope maker.’”

“It was mentioned at Lady Colville’s[376] that Mrs. C., of S., whose husband was a very big man, had once been very fond of Colonel M., and had suffered much from his forsaking her. ‘What!’ said a lady; ‘she seems to like her husband so well, that I could not believe she was ever fond of any other man.’ ‘She was very fond of another man,’ said I. ‘But her husband smothered that passion.’” 1783.

“At a dinner at Mr. Crosbie’s, when the company were very merry, the Rev. Dr. Webster told them he was sorry to go away so early, but was obliged to catch the tide, to cross the Frith of Forth to Fife. ‘Better stay a little,’ said Thomas Earl of Kelly,[377] ‘till you be half seas over.’”

Rev. Dr. Webster.

“Harry Erskine and another advocate, had written papers in a cause before Lord Westhall.[378] They thought them very good papers. But a clerk came to Mr. Erskine with a message that ‘My Lord had read the papers, and could not understand them, and he would send a note of what he wanted.’ ‘Make my compliments to his lordship,’ said Erskine, ‘and tell him (pointing to his forehead) I have none to spare.’”

From Mr. Erskine himself.

“On the 2nd December, 1782, I went to dine at Walker’s tavern with a committee of the Presbytery of Edinburgh, who were taking evidence in a criminal process—the heritors of Carsphairn[379] against Mr. Affleck, who had a presentation to that parish. The agent for the heritors was the entertainer. I was asked to take the head of the table thus:—‘Mr. Boswell, you’ll take this end.’ ‘No,’ said I, ‘the Moderator will sit there.’ ‘Then you’ll take this end,’ the foot of the table. ‘No,’ said I, pointing to the agent. I placed myself about the middle of the table, and said, ‘I have no end in view but a good dinner.’ Said the Rev. Mr. Brown,[380] of Edinburgh, ‘The end is lawful if the means be good.’”

“Miss Leslie, General Leslie’s[381] daughter, had a pretty necklace, she obligingly took it off, and let me look at it. I said, ‘It is pretty, even when it’s off.’”

12th Nov., 1782.

“Sir James Johnstone[382] asked me if turning off nominal and fictitious voters now upon the roll would not be an act of violence. ‘Yes,’ said I, ‘it would be an act of violence. But it would be an act of violence like turning thieves out of your house.’”

12th Nov., 1782.

“Mr. Keith,[383] the envoy, was in company with a good Highland lady, some of whose sons had been successful in the army. The company were talking of putting their sons to different professions. Said she, with great earnestness, ‘If I had twenty sons, I would put them all to the sword.’”

From his eldest daughter, 12th Nov., 1782.[384]

“I said Lord Monboddo chose to vary Horace’s Mens sana in corpore sano, and to have mens insana incorpore sano; for his endeavour is to keep his mind wild and his body robust.”

12th Nov., 1782.

“Langton said he could not laugh at Burke’s wit. The Bishop of Killaloe said, ‘I’ll tell you a story: Colonel Lutterel was at the house of a gentleman who insisted on his drinking more than he chose, and locked the door on him. The colonel fell upon a contrivance to get off which succeeded. “Come,” said the gentleman, “fill your glass, you must drink;” “Sir,” said the colonel, “I don’t like your wine.” The gentleman had nothing to say.’”

27th May, 1783.

“Langton said Burke hammered his wit upon an anvil, and the iron was cold. There were no sparks flashing and flying all about. Said the Bishop of Killaloe,[385] ‘I don’t think the iron is cold, but Burke is not so much a smith as he is a chymist, he analyzes a word, he decomposes it, and brings out all its different^meaning senses.’”

27th May, 1783.

“I said to General Paoli, it was wonderful how much Corsica had done for me, how far I had got in the world by having been there. I had got upon a rock in Corsica and jumped into the middle of life.”

27th May, 1783.

“It was observed by somebody that Lord Dundonald attended to the church very ill. Miss Preston said that their two black servants were generally there every Sunday,—‘Ay,’ said Mr. Charles Preston, ‘but two blacks don’t make a white.’”

Valley Field, 17th October, 1778.