  COPY OF A LETTER WRITTEN BY CARDINAL RICHELIEU TO THE FRENCH AMBASSADOR AT ROME.First read the letter across, then double it in the middle, and read the first column.
A LOVE-LETTER.The reader, after perusing it, will please read it again, commencing on the first line, then the third and fifth, and so on, reading each alternate line to the end. To Miss M——. —The great love I have hitherto expressed for you is false and I find my indifference towards you —increases daily. The more I see of you, the more you appear in my eyes an object of contempt. —I feel myself every way disposed and determined to hate you. Believe me, I never had an intention —to offer you my hand. Our last conversation has left a tedious insipidity, which has by no means —given me the most exalted idea of your character. Your temper would make me extremely unhappy —and were we united, I should experience nothing but the hatred of my parents added to the anything but —pleasure in living with you. I have indeed a heart to bestow, but I do not wish you to imagine it —at your service. I could not give it to any one more inconsistent and capricious than yourself, and less —capable to do honor to my choice and to my family. Yes, Miss, I hope you will be persuaded that —I speak sincerely, and you will do me a favor to avoid me. I shall excuse you taking the trouble —to answer this. Your letters are always full of impertinence, and you have not a shadow of —wit and good sense. Adieu! adieu! believe me so averse to you, that it is impossible for me even —to be your most affectionate friend and humble servant. L——. INGENIOUS SUBTERFUGE.A young lady newly married, being obliged to show to her husband all the letters she wrote, sent the following to an intimate friend. The key is, to read the first and then every alternate line only. —I cannot be satisfied, my dearest friend! blest as I am in the matrimonial state, —unless I pour into your friendly bosom, which has ever been in unison with mine, —the various sensations which swell —my almost bursting heart. I tell you my dear husband is the most amiable of men, —I have now been married seven weeks, and never have found the least reason to —repent the day that joined us. My husband is both in person and manners far from resembling —ugly, cross, old, disagreeable, and jealous monsters, who think by confining to secure— —a wife, it is his maxim to treat as a bosom friend and confidant, and not as a —plaything, or menial slave, the woman chosen to be his companion. Neither party —he says, should always obey implicitly; but each yield to the other by turns. —An ancient maiden aunt, near seventy, a cheerful, venerable, and pleasant old lady, —lives in the house with us; she is the de- light of both young and old; she is ci- —vil to all the neighborhood round, generous and charitable to the poor. —I am convinced my husband loves nothing more than he does me; he flatters me more —than a glass; and his intoxication (for so I must call the excess of his love) —often makes me blush for the unworthiness of its object, and wish I could be more deserving —of the man whose name I bear. To say all in one word, my dear, and to —crown the whole—my former gallant lover is now my indulgent husband; my husband —is returned, and I might have had a prince without the felicity I find in —him. Adieu! may you be blest as I am un- able to wish that I could be more —happy. DOUBLE-FACED CREED.The following cross-reading from a history of Popery, published in 1679, and formerly called in New England The Jesuits’ Creed, will suit either Catholic or Protestant accordingly as the lines are read downward in single columns or across the double columns:—
REVOLUTIONARY VERSES.The author of the following Revolutionary double entendre, which originally appeared in a Philadelphia newspaper, is unknown. It may be read in three different ways,—1st. Let the whole be read in the order in which it is written; 2d. Then the lines downward on the left of each comma in every line; and 3d. In the same manner on the right of each comma. By the first reading it will be observed that the Revolutionary cause is condemned, and by the others, it is encouraged and lauded:— Hark! hark! the trumpet sounds, the din of war’s alarms, O’er seas and solid grounds, doth call us all to arms; Who for King George doth stand, their honors soon shall shine; Their ruin is at hand, who with the Congress join. The acts of Parliament, in them I much delight, I hate their cursed intent, who for the Congress fight, The Tories of the day, they are my daily toast, They soon will sneak away, who Independence boast; Who non-resistance hold, they have my hand and heart. May they for slaves be sold, who act a Whiggish part; On Mansfield, North, and Bute, may daily blessings pour, Confusion and dispute, on Congress evermore; To North and British lord, may honors still be done, I wish a block or cord, to General Washington. THE HOUSES OF STUART AND HANOVER.
THE NEW REGIME.The following equivoque was addressed to a republican at the commencement of the French Revolution, in reply to the question, “What do you think of the new constitution?”
FATAL DOUBLE MEANING.Count Valavoir, a general in the French service under Turenne, while encamped before the enemy, attempted one night to pass a sentinel. The sentinel challenged him, and the count answered “Va-la-voir,” which literally signifies “Go and see.” The soldier, who took the words in this sense, indignantly repeated the challenge, and was answered in the same manner, when he fired; and the unfortunate Count fell dead upon the spot,—a victim to the whimsicality of his surname. A TRIPLE PLATFORM.Among the memorials of the sectional conflict of 1861–5, is an American platform arranged to suit all parties. The first column is the Secession; the second, the Abolition platform; and the whole, read together, is the Democratic platform:—
LOYALTY, OR JACOBINISM?This piece of amphibology was circulated among the United Irishmen, previous to the Rebellion of 1798. First, read the lines as they stand, then according to the numerals prefixed:— 1. I love my country—but the king, 3. Above all men his praise I sing, 2. Destruction to his odious reign, 4. That plague of princes, Thomas Paine; 5. The royal bankers are displayed, 7. And may success the standard aid 6. Defeat and ruin seize the cause 8. Of France her liberty and laws. NON COMMITTAL.NEAT EVASION.Bishop Egerton, of Durham, avoided three impertinent questions by replying as follows:— 1. What inheritance he received from his father? “Not so much as he expected.” 2. What was his lady’s fortune? “Less than was reported.” 3. What was the value of his living of Ross? “More than he made of it.” A PATRIOTIC TOAST.Most readers will remember the story of a non-committal editor who, during the Presidential canvass of 1872, desiring to propitiate subscribers of both parties, hoisted the ticket of “Gr—— and ——n” at the top of his column, thus giving those who took the paper their choice of interpretations between “Grant and Wilson” and “Greeley and Brown.” A story turning on the same style of point—and probably quite as apocryphal—though the author labels it “historique”—is told of an army officers’ mess in France. A brother-soldier from a neighboring detachment having come in, and a champenoise having been uncorked in his honor, “Gentlemen,” said the guest, raising his glass, “I am about to propose a toast at once patriotic and political.” A chorus of hasty ejaculations and of murmurs at once greeted him. “Yes, gentlemen,” coolly proceeded the orator, “I drink to a thing which—an object that—Bah! I will out with it at once. It begins with an R and ends with an e.” “Capital!” whispers a young lieutenant of Bordeaux promotion. “He proposes the RÉpublique, without offending the old fogies by saying the word,” “Nonsense! He means the Radicale,” replies the other, an old Captain Cassel. “Upon my word,” says a third, as he lifts his glass, “our friend must mean la RoyautÉ.” In fact the whole party drank the toast heartily, each interpreting it to his liking. In the hands of a Swift, even so trivial an instance might be made to point a moral on the facility with which, alike in theology and politics—from Athanasian creed to Cincinnati or Philadelphia platform—men comfortably interpret to their own diverse likings some doctrine that “begins with an R and ends with an e,” and swallow it with great unanimity and enthusiasm. THE HANDWRITING ON THE WALL.During the war of the Rebellion, a merchant of Milwaukee, who is an excellent hand at sketching, drew most admirably on the wall of his store a negro’s head, and underneath it wrote, in a manner worthy of the Delphic oracle, “Dis-Union for eber.” Whether the sentence meant loyalty to the Union or not, was the puzzling question which the gentleman himself never answered, invariably stating to the inquirers, “Read it for yourselves, gentlemen.” So from that day to this, as the saying goes, “no one knows how dat darkey stood on de war question.” Another question is puzzling the young ladies who attend a Western Female College. It seems that one of them discovered that some person had written on the outer wall of the college, “Young women should set good examples; for young men will follow them.” The question that is now perplexing the heads of several of the young ladies of the college is, whether the writer meant what he or she (the handwriting was rather masculine) wrote, in a moral sense or in an ironical one. HOW FRENCH ACTRESSES AVOID GIVING THEIR AGE.A servant robbed Mlle. Mars of her diamonds one evening while she was at the theatre. Arrested, he was put upon trial, and witnesses were summoned to bear testimony to his guilt. Among these was Mlle. Mars. She was greatly annoyed The day of trial came, and she was at her place. The court-room was filled, and when she was put in the witness-box every ear was bent towards her to catch the age she would give as her own. “Your name?” said the presiding judge. “Anne Francoise Hippolyte Mars.” “What is your profession?” “An actress of the French Comedy.” “What is your age?” “——ty years.” “What?” inquired the presiding judge, leaning forward. “I have just told your honor!” replied the actress, giving one of those irresistible smiles which won the most hostile pit. The judge smiled in turn, and when he asked, as he did immediately, “Where do you live?” hearty applause long prevented Mlle. Mars from replying. Mlle. Cico was summoned before a court to bear witness in favor of some cosmetic assailed as a poison by victims and their physicians. All the youngest actresses of Paris were there, and they reckoned upon a good deal of merriment and profit when Mlle. Cico came to disclose her age. She was called to the stand—sworn—gave her name and profession. When the judge said “How old are you?” she quitted the stand, went up to the bench, stood on tip-toe, and whispered in the judge’s ear the malicious mystery. The bench smiled, and kept her secret. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
