The best way to play this game is for the players to divide themselves into two groups, namely, actors and audience. Each one of the actors should then fix upon a proverb, which he will act, in turn, before the audience. As, for instance, supposing one of the players to have chosen the proverb, "A bad workman quarrels with his tools," he should go into the room where the audience is seated, carrying with him a bag in which there is a saw, a hammer, or any other implement or tool used by a workman; he should then look round and find a chair, or some other article, which he should pretend requires repairing; he should then act the workman, by taking off his coat, rolling up his sleeves, and commencing work, often dropping his tools and grumbling about them the whole of the time. If this game be acted well, it may be made very entertaining. Sometimes the audience are made to pay a forfeit each time they fail to guess the proverb. BLIND MAN'S WANDThis is another way of playing Blind Man's Buff, and is thought by many to be an improvement on that game. The player, who is blindfolded, stands in the centre of the room with a long paper wand, which can be made of a newspaper folded up lengthways, and tied at each end with string. The other players then join hands and stand round him in a circle. Someone then plays a merry tune on the piano and the players dance round and round the blind man, until suddenly the music stops; the blind man then takes the opportunity of lowering his wand upon one of the circle, and the player upon whom it has fallen has to take hold of it. The blind man then makes a noise, such as, for instance, the barking of a dog, a street cry, or anything he thinks will cause the player he has caught to betray himself, as the captive must imitate whatever noise the blind man likes to make. Should the blind man detect who holds the stick the one who is caught has to be blind man; if not, the game goes on until he succeeds. THE BLIND POSTMANFirst a postmaster-general must be appointed, whose duty is to write down the names of the players, and the names of the cities they have chosen to represent. The postman is blindfolded and led The postman's duty is to try and seat himself in one of the vacant chairs; the player who loses his chair must become the blind postman. BLOWING THE CANDLEPlace a lighted candle on a table at the end of a room. Invite someone to stand in front of it, then blindfold him, make him take three steps backwards, turn round three times and then advance three steps and blow out the candle. If he fails he must pay a forfeit. It will be found that very few are able to succeed, simple though the test appears to be. CAT AND MOUSEAll players form a ring, joining hands, except one called the Mouse, whom they enclose within the circle, and one who is on the outside who represents the cat. They then dance around, raising their arms at intervals. The cat watches the chance to spring into the circle at one side, and the mouse dashes out at the other—public sympathy being As soon as she escapes she tries to catch the mouse, who runs for safety into the ring again, hotly pursued. If the cat is so near as to follow the mouse into the ring, before her entrance can be prevented, or if she catches the mouse outside the circle, the mouse must pay a forfeit. Two more players are then named by the cat and mouse to succeed them. THE CLAIRVOYANTThe clairvoyant goes out of the room, undertaking to name the person whom his confederate shall point out. The door being shut upon the clairvoyant the confederate points to one whom we will call Mr. B. "At whom am I pointing?" he queries. "At Mr. B.," replies the clairvoyant. The trick is for the clairvoyant and his confederate to arrange between them that the person who speaks last before the clairvoyant leaves the room is the person to be pointed at. THE CUSHION DANCEThe children first of all divide themselves into two parties. They then form a ring, and commence dancing round a hassock which is placed, end upwards, in the middle of the room. Suddenly one party endeavours to pull the other party forward, so as to force one of their number to kick the hassock and upset it. The player who has been unfortunate enough to touch the hassock has then to leave the circle. The game proceeds until only two remain; if these two happen to be boys the struggle is generally prolonged, as they can so easily jump over the hassock, and avoid kicking it. "CHANGE SEATS: THE KING'S COME."In this game as many seats are placed round the room as will seat all the players but one. This one stands in the middle of the room, repeating the words: "Change seats, change seats;" but no one moves unless he says: "Change seats: the king's come." Then all must change seats. In the bustle the one standing can generally manage to secure a seat, when the person left out must take his place. The person in the centre may tell a story if he chooses, bringing in the words; "Change seats," oc DUCK UNDER THE WATEREach child chooses a partner and stands opposite to her, so that two long lines are formed. Each couple holds a handkerchief between them, as high as they can lift their arms, so as to form an arch. The couple standing at the top of the lines run through the arch without letting go their handkerchief, and station themselves at the bottom of the lines, raising their handkerchief again so as to continue the arch. This is done by each couple in succession until all have had a turn. Whoever breaks the arch or drops the handkerchief must pay a forfeit. THE GARDENERAny number of children can play. One is chosen as leader and is called the "gardener." All the children sit in a circle and the "gardener" gives each one in turn the name of some flower. When all are named the "gardener" stands in the centre of the circle and tells how he has gone to the woods to gather certain flowers; how he has trans As a flower is mentioned, the child who has that name rises, turns around, and sits down again. Anyone who fails to rise when his flower is named must pay a forfeit. When the gardener says something about a bouquet, all the children rise and exchange seats. Then the "gardener" tries to get a seat, and if he succeeds, the person who has no seat becomes the "gardener" and the game goes on as before. GOING TO JERUSALEMA row of chairs, facing alternately different ways, is placed through the centre of the room—a chair for every player except one. Some one at the piano plays a lively air, first fast, then slow, very loud, then low—while the children march around the chairs without touching them, keeping time with the music. When the music suddenly stops, all rush for a seat. A chair must be taken away each time the marching recommences—until but two chairs remain, when the excitement becomes intense. The one who at the moment that the music ceases has the good fortune to seat himself or herself in the one chair remaining wins the game and perhaps a prize. GAME OF CATThe person who is to play the part of Cat should stand outside of the door of the room where the company is assembled. The boys and girls, in turn, come to the other side of the door and call out "miaou." If the Cat outside recognizes a friend by the cry, and calls out her name correctly in return, he is allowed to enter the room and embrace her, and the latter then takes the place of Cat. If, on the contrary, the Cat cannot recognize the voice, he is hissed, and remains outside until he is able to do so. GRAND MUFTIOne of the company is chosen as Grand Mufti. The others then form a circle with the Grand Mufti in the centre, and every action which he performs, if preceded by the words, "Thus says the Grand Mufti," must be imitated by every member of the circle. The Grand Mufti, in order to lead one of the company astray, will sometimes omit to say the words: "Thus says the Grand Mufti;" in this case if any member of the company imitate his action, he is compelled to pay a forfeit. HERE I BAKE, HERE I BREWThe players join hands in a circle, with one of their number in the middle, who is supposed to be a captive, longing for freedom and reduced to diplomatic means to secure it. The prisoner touches one pair of joined hands in the circle saying, "Here I Bake." Then, passing to the other side, says, "Here I Brew," as she touches another pair of hands. Suddenly, then, in a place least suspected, perhaps whirling around and springing at two of the clasped hands behind her, or at the pair which she had touched before, if their owners appear to be off guard, she exclaims "Here I mean to break through!" and forces her way out of the circle if she can. The players must be on the alert and strongly resist the captive's effort to escape. Those who permitted her to regain her freedom—through inattention or weakness—must then make use of the "counts" familiar to all generations of children, to decide which of them shall take the place of the prisoner. HAT GAMEOne of the players has two hats, one he places on his own head and the other he hands to one of the company. The person who has received the hat must then make every action contrary to the THE HUNTSMANOne person represents the huntsman, the other players call themselves after some part of a huntsman's belongings; for instance, one is the cap, another the horn, others the powder-flask, gun, whip, etc. A number of chairs are arranged in the middle of the room, and there must be one chair less than the number of players, not counting the huntsman. The players then seat themselves round the room, whilst the huntsman stands in the center and calls for them one at a time, in this way: "Powder-flask!" At once "Powder-flask" rises and takes hold of the huntsman's coat. "Cap," "Gun," "Shot," "Belt," the huntsman cries; each person who represents these articles must rise and take hold of the player summoned before him, until at length the huntsman has a long line behind him. He then begins to run round the chairs, until he suddenly cries: "Bang," when the players must "HE CAN DO LITTLE WHO CAN'T DO THIS."One of the players takes a stick in his left hand and thumps the floor with it, saying, "He can do little who can't do this." Then he hands the stick to another player, who will most probably use his right hand when holding the stick and thumping the ground. If he does he is told he has failed in the simple task, and the stick is handed to another. The game goes on until someone discovers that the secret of the trick is to copy the leader exactly, and therefore the stick must be held in the left hand. HISSING AND CLAPPINGAs many chairs as there are players must be arranged down the middle of the room. The girls then all sit down so that each has a vacant chair next her, and the boys retire from the room. During their absence the girls all decide which particular boy is to occupy the vacant chair next her, and the boys are summoned in turn. On entering the room the boy must walk straight to HOLD FAST! LET GO!For this game the company must divide themselves into parties with four in each group, and one odd player who must issue commands and lead the game. Each party of four must hold a handkerchief cornerwise, one player at each corner. The leader of the game then takes up his position in the middle of the room from which he issues his commands in sharp, quick, decisive tones, when he shouts "Let go!" the players must all hold tightly on to the handkerchief. And when, almost with the same breath, he calls "Hold fast!" they must drop it as if it burnt the tips of their fingers. The fun of the game lies in the leader issuing his commands so rapidly one on top of the other that the players become bewildered. The players who make a mistake retire from the game, until finally only one of the four is left and he becomes leader. HUNT THE WHISTLEThe chief participator in this game must be ignorant of the trick about to be played. He is told to kneel down whilst a lady knights him, naming him "Knight of the Whistle." During the process someone fastens a small whistle to his coat tails by means of a piece of ribbon. He is then bidden to rise up and search for the whistle. The hunt begins; all the players combine to deceive the searcher; they must blow the whistle whenever they can do so without being detected. When the searcher discovers the trick the game is, of course, at an end. "I SELL MY BAT, I SELL MY BALL"A ring is formed with one child in the middle, who is called the "drummer-man." Whatever this child does the others mimic, moving round as they do so, and singing the following words:— "I sell my bat, I sell my ball, Anyone who does not at once imitate the "drummer-man" must pay a forfeit and take his place as "drummer-man." JUDGE AND JURYThe company should be seated in two lines facing each other, and one of the party should then be elected to act as judge. Each person has to remember who is sitting exactly opposite, because when the judge asks a question of anyone, it is not the person directly asked who has to reply, but the person opposite to the judge. For instance, if the judge, addressing one of the company asks: "Do you like apples?" the person spoken to must remain silent, whilst the person who is opposite to him must reply, before the judge can count ten; the penalty on failing to do this or answering out of one's turn is a forfeit. A rule with regard to the answers is that the reply must not be less than two words in length, and must not contain the words: "Yes," "no," "black," "white," or "grey." For the breaking of this rule a forfeit may also be claimed. "MY MASTER BIDS YOU DO AS I DO"For all those children who are fond of a little exercise no better game than this can be chosen. When the chairs are placed in order round the room the first player commences by saying: "My master bids you do as I do," at the same time working away with the right hand as if hammering at his knees. The second player then asks: "What does he bid me do?" in answer to which the first player says: The second time of going round the order is to work with two; then both hands must work; then with three; then both hands and one leg must work; then with four, when both hands and both legs must work; lastly with five, when both legs, both arms, and the head must be kept going. Should any of the players fail in keeping in constant motion a forfeit may be claimed. MAGIC MUSICOne of the players is sent out of the room, and the rest then agree upon some simple task for her to perform, such as moving a chair, touching an ornament, or finding some hidden object. She is then called in and some one begins to play the piano. If the performer plays very loudly the "seeker" knows that she is nowhere near the object she is to search for. When the music is soft, then she knows she is very near, and when the music ceases altogether, she knows that she has found the object she was intended to look for or has found the task she is to perform. MALAGA RAISINSThe players sit in a circle and one who is acquainted with the trick takes a small stick in his right hand, makes some funny movements with it, and then, having taken it in his left hand, passes it to his neighbor, saying: "Malaga raisins are very good raisins, but I like Valencias better." He then tells his neighbor to do the same. Should any of the players pass on the stick with the right hand, they must pay a forfeit, but of course they must not be told what mistake they have made until the stick has been passed right round the circle. "OUR OLD GRANNIE DOESN'T LIKE TEA"All the players sit in a row, except one, who sits in front of them and says to each one in turn; "Our old Grannie doesn't like T; what can you give her instead?" Perhaps the first player will answer, "Cocoa," and that will be correct; but if the second player should say, "Chocolate," he will have to pay a forfeit, because there is a "T" in chocolate. This is really a catch, as at first everyone thinks that "tea" is meant instead of the letter "T." Even after the trick has been found out it is very easy to make a slip, as the players must answer before "five" is counted; if they cannot, or if they mention an article of food with the letter "T" in it, they must pay a forfeit. ORANGES AND LEMONSTwo of the players join hands, facing each other, having agreed privately which is to be "Oranges" and which "Lemons." The rest of the party form a long line, standing one behind the other, and holding each other's dresses or coats. The first two raise their hands so as to form an arch, and the rest run through it, singing as they run:— "Oranges and Lemons, At the word "head" the hand archway descends, and clasps the player passing through at that moment; he is then asked in a whisper, "Oranges or Lemons?" and if he chooses "oranges," he is told to go behind the player who has agreed to be "oranges" and clasp him round the waist. The players must be careful to speak in a whisper, so that the others may not know what has been said. The game then goes on again, in the same way, until all the children have been caught and have OLD SOLDIEROld Soldier is a game for young children, and though it seems very simple, yet there is a good deal of fun in it. One of the children pretends to be an old soldier, and goes round begging of each of the other players in turn, saying that he is "poor, and old, and hungry," and asking what they will do for him or give him. In answering the Old Soldier no one must say the words: "Yes," "No," "Black," or "White," and he must be answered at once without hesitation. Anyone who does not reply at once, or who uses any of the forbidden words, must pay a forfeit. POST-OFFICEOne player begins the game by going out of the room, and then giving a double (or postman's) knock at the door; it is the duty of one of the other players to stand at the door inside the room to answer the knocks that are made, and to ask the postman for whom he has a letter. The postman names some member of the company, generally of the opposite sex; he is then asked, "How many stamps are to be paid?" Perhaps he will say "six"; the person for whom the letter is supposed to be must then pay for it with kisses, instead of stamps; after which he or she must take a turn as postman. PETER PIPERThis is an amusing game for children. A blackboard is needed upon which the verse, "Peter Piper," etc., is illustrated or written so that the words are mixed up and it will be difficult to point out. Some older person will be needed to superintend the game. One child is given a pointer and as the others sing, to any familiar tune: "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, she must point out each word or drawing as quickly as it is sung. If a mistake is made in pointing, the child takes her place with the rest and another child is out. Each one is given a turn. It is an achievement, if done successfully, and some suitable gift should be given as a prize. THE SEA AND HER CHILDRENThe players seat themselves in a circle, one of the number remaining in the center to represent the "Sea." Each player takes the name of some fish and the Sea walking around the circle calls each person by the name they have adopted. As they are called they must rise and follow the "Sea." When all have left their seats the "Sea" begins to run about crying: "The Sea is troubled." Suddenly she seats herself, when all her companions must try to do the same; but there will be one seat short, so there will be one player left over and this player becomes the "Sea." No player must seat himself until the "Sea" has taken a chair, and she can create some fun by running about and pretending she is about to seat herself. Any player seating himself before the "Sea" must pay a forfeit. THE STAGE COACHThe leader tells every member of the company to choose as a name some article connected with a stage coach; the wheels, the horses, the whip, the bridle, etc., may be chosen. These the leader jots down on a piece of paper and then begins to tell a thrilling story. "The stage coach left the old Stag Inn, amidst the thundering of the horses' hoofs and the cracking of the driver's whip." Some member will probably have chosen to be the horses, another the SHADOW BUFFA splendid game, and one specially suitable for a large party. A sheet or white tablecloth is first of all stretched right across the room, and on a table behind it is placed a bright lamp. All the other lights in the room are then extinguished, and one of the players takes a seat upon a low stool midway between the lamp and the sheet. The other players endeavor to disguise themselves as much as possible, by distorting their features, rumpling their hair, wearing wigs, false noses, &c., and pass one by one STEPSThe blindfolded player is placed in the middle of the room, and the other players all place themselves at various distances round him. The blind-man is then told how many steps he must take in order to be able to touch a certain player. This game does, I know, sound rather simple in writing; but try it, and you will find that it is not so easy as you imagine. It will also have the effect of making the dullest party lively, because the blind-man makes such absurd mistakes as to the direction and length of steps that he has to take. THE SPELLING GAMEEach player in this game has what are called three "lives," or chances. When the company is seated in a circle, the first player mentions a letter as the When a letter is added to the former letters and it makes a complete word, the person who completed it loses a "life." The next player then begins again. Every letter added must be part of a word, and not an odd letter thought of on the spur of the moment. When there is any doubt as to the letter used by the last player being correct, he may be challenged, and he will then have to give the word he was thinking of when adding the letter. If he cannot name the word, he loses a "life"; but if he can, it is the challenger who loses. This is an example of how the game should be played. Supposing the first player commences with the letter "p"; the next, thinking of "play," would add an "l"; the next an "o," thinking of "plough"; the person, not having either of these words in his mind, would add "v"; the next player perhaps, not knowing the word of which the previous player was thinking, might challenge him, and would lose a "life" on being told the word was "plover." The player next in turn would then start a new word, and perhaps put down "b," thinking of "bat," the next, thinking, say, that the word was "bone," would add an "o," the next player would add "n"; the player whose turn it would now be, not wanting to lose a "life" by finishing the word, would add another "n"; the next player for the same reason would add It will be seen that there are three ways of losing a "life." First, the player may lay down a letter, and on being challenged be unable to give the word. Secondly, he may himself challenge another player who is not at fault. Thirdly, he may be obliged to add the final letter to a word, and so complete it. SIMON SAYSSeat yourselves in a circle and choose one of the company to be the leader, or Simon. His duty is to order all sorts of different things to be done, the funnier the better, which must be obeyed only when the order begins with "Simon says." As, for instance, "Simon says: 'Thumbs up!'" which, of course, all obey; then perhaps comes: "Thumbs down!" which should not be obeyed, because the order did not commence with "Simon says." Each time this rule is forgotten a forfeit must be paid. "Hands over eyes," "Stamp the right foot," "Pull the left ear," &c., are the kind of orders to be given. THE SERGEANTOne player represents the Sergeant, and the others the soldiers, whom he is supposed to be drilling. When the Sergeant says "Do this," all the players must imitate him. But when he says "Do that," they must take no notice. If a soldier makes a mistake he has to pay a forfeit, and takes the Sergeant's place. THE SEA KINGThis game can be played by any number of children. They proceed by first choosing one of the party to act as the Sea King, whose duty it is to stand in the centre of a ring, formed by the players seating themselves round him. The circle should be as large as possible. Each of the players having chosen the name of a fish, the King runs round the ring, calling them by the names which they have selected. Each one, on hearing his name called, rises at once, and follows the King, who, when all his subjects have left their seats, calls out, "The sea is troubled," and seats himself suddenly. His example is immediately followed by his subjects. The one who fails to obtain a seat has then to take the place of King, and the game is continued. TONGUE TWISTERSThe leader begins by saying the first sentence, which is repeated by each player in turn. The leader in every case adds the new line, which is repeated by the other players in succession. Anyone making a mistake or omission drops out of the contest. As the ranks grow thinner, the players are required to repeat the sentences more rapidly, and no time for hesitation allowed. The one who makes no mistake is entitled to a prize. The sentences are as follows: Each player must choose a trade and pretend to be working at it. For instance, if he is a tailor he must pretend to sew or iron; if a blacksmith, to hammer, and so on. One is the king, and he too, chooses a A somewhat more elaborate and livelier game of Trades is played by each boy in the party choosing a trade which he is supposed to be carrying on. The leader must invent a story, and standing in the middle, must tell it to the company. He must manage to bring in a number of names of trades or businesses; and whenever a trade is mentioned, the person who represents it must instantly name some article sold in the shop. THINK OF A NUMBERIn this game the leader tells one of the players to think of any number he likes, but not to say it aloud. He next tells him to double it; this done, the player is told to add eight to the result, and then halve it. After doing this he must halve the whole, and from what is left take away the number first thought of. If correctly worked out the answer will be four, which is just half the number which the leader told the player to add after the original number was THIS AND THATA confederate is necessary for this trick. The one performing the trick goes out of the room and the confederate agrees with the audience to touch a certain article. The person outside is recalled and his confederate begins to question him. "Did I touch this music book?" "No." "Did I touch this table?" "No." "Did I touch this knife?" "No." "Did I touch that fork?" "Yes." The secret consists in saying the word "that" before the article touched, instead of "this." WHAT AM I DOING?The players seat themselves in a row and the leader of the game takes his place behind them, beginning at the top of the row. He makes some absurd gesture and then asks the person behind whom WONDERMENTIt is necessary that only two of the party should have a knowledge of this game, and then "wonderment" is sure to be the result. The two players agree that a certain word shall be regarded as a signal word. As an illustration, imagine this word to be "and." One of the players asserts his belief that he is gifted with second sight, and states that he is able, through a closed door, to name any article touched by any person in sympathy with him, notwithstanding the said person may attempt to mystify him by mentioning a lot of other articles. He then chooses his confederate, as being one with whom he may be in sympathy, and goes outside. The player in the room then proceeds to call out, perhaps as follows:—Table, Hearthrug, Piano, Footstool and Chair, Lamp, Inkstand. He then places his hand on the back of a chair and asks: "What am I touching now?" the answer will, of course, be "Chair," because the signal word "and" came immediately before that article. If the players are skilful there is no need for the trick to be discovered. WINKAll the girls sit in a circle, and the boys stand outside, one boy behind each girl's chair. One chair is left vacant, but a boy stands behind it, and by winking at the girls one at a time, tries to get one for his empty chair. As soon as a girl is winked at, she tries to leave her seat, and take the vacant one, but if the boy behind her touches her before she leaves the seat, she cannot go. Each boy has to keep his eye on the one who is winking and on the girl in his chair, for if he is not watching, she may escape before he has time to touch her, and then it is his turn to do the winking and get a girl for his chair. If the winking is done quickly it adds to the interest of the game. No boy can keep hold of a girl all the time; he must only touch her when she starts to leave her place, and then if she is beyond arm's length he cannot call her back. RIDDLESFew children think they will ever tire of playing games; but all the same, towards the end of a long evening, spent merrily in dancing and playing, the little ones begin to get too weary to play any longer, and it is very difficult to keep them amused. Then comes the time for riddles! The children may sit quietly around the room, resting after their It is, however, very difficult to remember a number of good and laughable ones, so we will give a list of some, which will be quite sufficient to puzzle a roomful of little folk for several hours. Why are weary people like carriage-wheels?—Answer: Because they are tired. An old woman in a red cloak was passing a field in which a goat was feeding. What strange transformation suddenly took place?—Answer: The goat turned to butter (butt her), and the woman into a scarlet runner. Why does a duck go into the water?—Answer: For divers reasons. Spell "blind pig" in two letters? P G; a pig without an I. Which bird can lift the heaviest weights?—The crane. Why is a wise man like a pin?—He has a head and comes to a point. Why is a Jew in a fever like a diamond?—Because he is a Jew-ill. Why may carpenters reasonably believe there is no such thing as stone?—Because they never saw it. What is that which is put on the table and cut, but never eaten?—A pack of cards. Why does a sculptor die horribly?—Because he makes faces and busts. When does a farmer double up a sheep without hurting it?—When he folds it. What lives upon its own substance and dies when it has devoured itself?—A candle. Why is a dog biting his tail a good manager?—Because he makes both ends meet. What thing is it that is lower with a head than without one?—A pillow. Which is the left side of a plum-pudding?—That which is not eaten. What letter of the alphabet is necessary to make a shoe?—The last. If all the seas were dried up, what would everybody say?—We haven't a notion (an ocean). Why is it certain that "Uncle Tom's Cabin" was not written by the hand of its reputed author?—Because it was written by Mrs. Beecher's toe (Stowe). Why is a fishmonger never generous?—Because his business makes him sell fish (selfish). What is that which works when it plays and plays when it works?—A fountain. What is that from which you may take away the whole and yet there will be some remaining?—The word wholesome. Why are fowls the most economical things a farmer can keep?—Because for every grain they give a peck. What coin doubles its value by taking away a half of it?—Halfpenny. Why is it dangerous to walk in the meadows in Why is a vine like a soldier?—Because it is listed and has ten drills (ten-drils) and shoots. Why is an opera-singer like a confectioner?—Because she deals in ice-creams (high screams). If a man who is carrying a dozen glass lamps drops one, what does he become?—A lamp lighter. What belongs to yourself, but is used more by your friends than by yourself?—Your name. Why is a spider a good correspondent?—Because he drops a line at every post. When is the clock on the stairs dangerous?—When it runs down. Why is the letter "k" like a pig's tail?—Because it comes at the end of pork. What is the keynote to good manners?—B natural. Why is a five-pound bank-note much more profitable than five sovereigns?—Because when you put it in your pocket you double it, and when you take it out you will find it in-creases. Why is a watch like a river?—Because it doesn't run long without winding. What is that which flies high, flies low, has no feet, and yet wears shoes?—Dust. When has a man four hands?—When he doubles his fists. What trees has fire no effect upon?—Ash-trees; because when they are burned, they are ashes still. What is the difference between a schoolmaster and A man had twenty sick (six) sheep, and one died; how many were left?—19. What is that which everybody has seen but will never see again?—Yesterday. Which is the best day for making a pancake?—Friday. Which is the smallest bridge in the world?—The bridge of your nose. What four letters would frighten a thief?—O I C U. What is that which goes from London to York without moving?—The road. Which is easier to spell—fiddle-de-dee or fiddle-de-dum?—Fiddle-de-dee, because it is spelt with more "e's." When may a chair be said to dislike you?—When it can't bear you. What animal took most luggage into the Ark, and which two took the least?—The elephant, who took his trunk, while the fox and the cock had only a brush and a comb between them. Which of the English kings has most reason to complain of his washer-woman?—King John, when he lost his baggage in the Wash. If a bear were to go into a linen-draper's shop, what would he want?—He would want muzzlin'. Why is B like a hot fire?—Because it makes oil Boil. Why was the first day of Adam's life the longest?—Because it had no Eve. If an egg were found on a music-stool, what poem would it remind you of?—"The Lay of the Last Minstrel." Why is a schoolmaster like a shoe-black?—Because he polishes the understanding of the people. Why is a washer-woman like a navigator?—Because she spreads her sheets, crosses the line, and goes from pole to pole. Why is an author the queerest animal in the world?—Because his tale comes out of his head. Why is it that a tailor won't attend to business?—Because he is always cutting out. When can a horse be sea-green in color?—When it's a bay. Why were gloves never meant to sell?—Because they were made to be kept on hand. When are we all artists?—When we draw a long face. Why are watch-dogs bigger by night than by day?—Because they are let out at night and taken in in the morning. When is a tradesman always above his business?—When he lives over his shop. Which is the liveliest city in the world?—Berlin; because it's always on the Spree. Why is a water-lily like a whale?—Because they both come to the surface to blow. Why is a shoemaker the most industrious of men?—Because he works to the last. What is book-keeping?—Forgetting to return borrowed volumes. Why is scooping out a turnip a noisy process?—Because it makes it hollow. Why are teeth like verbs?—Because they are regular, irregular, and defective. What ships hardly ever sail out of sight?—Hardships. When is an artist a dangerous person?—When his designs are bad. Why are tortoiseshell-combs like citadels?—They are for-tresses. Why is the Isthmus of Suez like the first "u" in cucumber?—Because it is between two "c's" (seas). What motive led to the invention of railroads?—The locomotive. Why are deaf people like Dutch cheeses?—Because you can't make them here. When is the best time to get a fresh egg at sea?—When the ship lays to. Who was the first whistler?—The wind. What tune did he whistle?—Over the hills and far away. Why need a traveller never starve in the desert?—Because of the sand which is (sandwiches) there. Why is sympathy like blindman's-buff?—Because it is a fellow feeling for a fellow creature. If a Frenchman were to fall into a tub of tallow, in what word would he express his situation?—In-de-fat-i-gabble. (Indefatigable.) Why is a diner on board a steam-boat like Easter Day?—Because it is a movable feast. Why is a little man like a good book?—Because he is often looked over. Why is a pig in a parlor like a house on fire?—Because the sooner it is put out the better. What is the difference between a soldier and a bombshell?—One goes to war, the other goes to pieces. Why is it dangerous to sleep in a train?—Because every train runs over all the sleepers on the line. Spell "enemy" in three letters?—F O E. Which is the only way that a leopard can change his spots?—By going from one spot to another. Why did Eve never fear the measles?—Because she'd Adam. When is a tall man a little short?—When he hasn't got quite enough cash. What houses are the easiest to break into?—The houses of bald people; because their locks are few. Why is a watch the most difficult thing to steal?—Because it must be taken off its guard. Why is there never anybody at home in a convent?—Because it is an (n)uninhabited place. Why does a person who is not good-looking make a better carpenter than one who is?—Because he is a deal plainer. What is the best tree for preserving order?—The birch. Why is shoemaking the easiest of trades?—Be What plant stands for No. 4?—IV. How can a gardener become thrifty?—By making the most of his thyme, and by always putting some celery in the bank. Why is it probable that beer was made in the Ark?—Because the kangaroo went in with hops, and the bear was always bruin. "What was the biggest thing you saw at the World's Fair?" asked a wife of her husband.—"My hotel bill!" said he. Why is C like a schoolmistress?—Because it forms lasses into classes. What is that which never asks any questions and yet requires many answers?—The street-door. If a man bumped his head against the top of a room, what article of stationery would he be supplied with?—Ceiling whacks. (Sealing-wax.) Which is the longest word in the English language?—Smiles; because there is a mile between the first and last letters. Which is the oldest tree in England?—The Elder Tree. How many sides are there to a tree?—Two, inside and out. What is that which happens twice in a moment and not once in a thousand years?—The letter M. What sea would a man most like to be in on a wet day?—A dry attic. (Adriatic.) Why is coffee like an axe with a dull edge?—Because it must be ground before it is used. What is the difference between a bottle of medicine and a troublesome boy?—One is to be well shaken before taken, and the other is to be taken and then shaken. What makes more noise than a pig under a gate?—Two pigs. When is a door not a door?—When it is a-jar. What is the difference between a naughty boy and a postage-stamp?—Because one you stick with a lick, and the other you lick with a stick. Why did William Tell shudder when he shot the apple from his son's head?—Because it was an arrow escape for his child. What is that which the more you take from it the larger it grows?—A hole. What is the best land for little kittens?—Lapland. Why should a man always wear a watch when he travels in a waterless desert?—Because every watch has a spring in it. Of what trade is the sun?—A tanner. What relation is a doormat to a door?—Step-fa(r)ther. What is that which you cannot hold ten minutes, although it is as light as a feather?—Your breath. What is the worst weather for rats and mice?—When it rains cats and dogs. What is that which never uses its teeth for eating purposes?—A comb. When are two apples alike?—When pared. What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison?—One cannot see to go and the other cannot go to sea. Why is a plum-cake like the ocean?—Because it contains so many currants. What pudding makes the best cricketer?—A good batter. When is a sailor not a sailor?—When he's a-board. Why is the snow different from Sunday?—Because it can fall on any day in the week. What trade would you mention to a short boy?—Grow sir (grocer). What tree is nearest the sea?—The beech. Why is a game of cards like a timber-yard?—Because there are always a great many deals in it. Why is a tight boot like an oak tree?—Because it produces a corn (acorn). Why is a city in Ireland likely to be the largest city in the world?—Because each year it is Dublin (doubling). What is the easiest way to swallow a door?—Bolt it. Why could a negro slave not be caught if he ran away?—Because he would be sure to keep dark at all times. Why is a dancing-master like a tree?—Because of his bows (boughs). Name a word of five letters from which if you take two but "one" remains—Stone.
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