Dear Mr. —— —— ——: Your letter to me this morning for more copy haz given birth to the follering home made refleckshuns upon thoze short skribblers, who, like miself, infest the virtewous press.

It may look like an eazy task tew thoze who never tried it, tew write a half a collum ov comik essa each week, and it iz an eazy task to thoze who never tried it, but to thoze who hav tried it, and who hav even suckceeded but a few inches, it iz a good deal like lifting things that are tied down.

In the first place a comik essa must hav a short back, be sharp on the withers, not tew long legged, kind in all harness, hard to skare, and able to show 2:40 to a road waggon.

The power ov a comik essa resides in its idea, either original or admirably stolen, not in its words, strung out lazily like a snake sunning himself in the sand.

It iz no place for yure short essayer to hide among the debris ov abstrakted thoughts, or skulk behind a flame colored paragraff, or doze in recital upon an ebb tide, or hammer out an iron proposishun into points more or less dull, or quote latin, or bad french, but he must be az short az a nuzeboy’s prayer, az sudden az the end ov a rope, az quick az a sneeze, and az brilliant in hiz busts az a ski rocket.

Awl real strength iz short; thinks are broke, or histed with a jerk; comik essayers must ram pages into paragraffs; wit, or humor, iz something like ginger pop—thar is about as mutch in the pop, that is interesting, as thare iz in the ginger.

Theze short essays are like buckwheat slap-jacks; evryboddy seems tew like them hot, and tew git them hot iz jest where the little joker cums in.

A lukewarm comik essay haz no more fun in it than a Dutch konumdrum tew a man who don’t understand the language.

I often git letters from sum of our best philanthropisters, who love me, thay say, and who wonder whi i don’t write sum longer things. Awl I kan say tew them iz, that a short bilt writer iz often dull enuff, and a long bilt one iz necessisarily so. A streak ov lazy lightning, a mile long, that anyboddy kan dodge, soon loozes awl its novelty.

Thare iz grate power in words, if yu don’t hitch tew menny ov them together; but their only power iz the interpretashun ov ideas; and the more ginger you kan git intu the pod the better the dose.

Sum men are never so brilliant as when they don’t make enny remarks, and no man needn’t git mad at himself bekauze he haz sed a good thing without wasting a word.

A comik essayer haz got tew have a sprinkling ov the monkey in him; he must akt sensible things strangely; it iz not an eazy task tew be a good monkey, nor will it exackly answer tew be an artyfishall monkey; the deviltry in a monkey iz natral—if it want, it wouldn’t be funny, but ridikilous.

Az i hav sed on a feuter occasion before, it iz eazier tew be a good critick, than a poor writer, but i am the last man tew giv enny man mutch credit, for being able tew find fault.

If enny ov yure readers, Dear Mr. —— —— ——, or enny ov the fust klass philanthropisters or philanthropisterisses, hav got anny spare kapital lieing idle, they would like tew insert into the comik essa bizness, i am reddy tew sell out mi small stock, good will and fixtures, and i will quietly go into the frogs hind 440 legg trade, and at the end ov 90 days, if they don’t find the silver-plated nonsense bizzness harder tew steer than they think it iz, i will giv them credit for having a good stock ov brains or impudense, i don’t know whitch.

A man who iz on a jurney, iz expekted tew go slow, and git dull, but if he iz on an errand he iz expekted tew be lively, it iz jistly thus with yure long and yure cluss bilt writers.

I hope thoze who take the pain tew read this squiblet, will giv me credit for writing what i think, if it ain’t so sarching and brilliant, and i would thank thoze who semioftenly advice me tew pump more power and doxology into what i write, tew purchase me out and sett up the hot paragraff trade theirselfs, and giv us wit on the haff-shell, nitroglycerine humor, fun soaked in kamphene, jests crazy tew go oph at haff cock, and raw sense that will make a saw-hoss laff.

I am mad that i ever set sail in the comik essa schooner, tew be so often caught on the flats, and if i could git out of it now and hav enny karakter at all left i would grab at the offer.

I will stop bi saying that it iz a darn sight eazier tew write too mutch than it iz too little, and awl comik attempts, must be quick tew win, for folks wont bear but little phooling at once on enny subjik, and i say bully for you, folks.