Modesty would ruin an Interviewer, delikasy would unfit him for bizzness, he kan even thrive without being honest, and tew make him an adept in hiz calling, he dont require enny more tenderness than an undertaker duz.

Yu kan git rid ov a hornet by brakeing his nek, yu kan outrun a blak snaik, and kan hide from the sheriff, but the Interviewer, like the cursid muskeeter in the dark, hovers around yu, and if he don’t bight, he sings, which is the wusstest ov the two.

I hav bin lit onto by the Interviewer miself, and hav answered hiz questions, az honest az ever a child did the katekism, and the next day read the dialogue in the morning paper, and it waz all az new to me az Old Probabilitiz log ov the weather.

Don’t never tell any sekrets tew an Interviewer; he will open them az they open oysters in the market, and retail them on the haff shell.

I treat all interviewers politely; when they begin tew bait 322 me, i ask them tew smoke (i never knu one to refuse), and when they press me too clussly then i begin tew whissell.

I am an awful poor whissler enny how.

I do really pitty the poor Interviewer; he works for hiz bread like enny other skribbler, and for what i kno, hates the bizzness, but i am sad when I say, that if he iz good at interviewing, he iz too impudent tew be good for enny thing else.

Sum people luv tew be interviewed, and i must say, theze kind of pholks never reach the dignity ov impudence; they are simply disgusting.

Yu kant git a journeyman Interviewer tew waste enny time on sutch stale goods; he would az soon think of interviewing a last year’s birds’ nest, or a kuntry gide-board.

Thare iz no kure for a reglar Interviewer; he thirsts for the game like a fox hound on the trak; he livs upon plunder, and would rather be sent up for 30 daze than to see hiz collum in the morning Gazzette without a trophy.