Korn iz a serial, i am glad ov it.

It got its name from Series, a primitiff woman, and in her day, the goddess ov oats, and sich like.

Korn iz sumtimes called maize, and it grows in sum parts of the western country, very amaizenly.

I hav seen it out thare 18 foot hi (i don’t mean the aktual korn itself, but the tree on which it grows.)

Korn haz ears, but never haz but one ear, which iz az deff az an adder.

Injun meal iz made out ov korn, and korn dodgers iz made out ov injun meal, and korn dodgers are the tuffest chunks, ov the bread purswashun, known tew man.

Korn dodgers are made out ov water, with injun meal mixt into it, and then baked on a hard board, in the presence ov a hot fire.

When yu kant drive a 10 penny nail into them, with a sledge hammer, they are sed, bi good judges, to be well done, and are reddy tew be chawed upon.

They will keep 5 years, in a damp place, and not gro tender, and a dog hit with one of them will yell for a week, and then crawl under the barn, and mutter for two days more.

I hav knawed two hours miself on one side of a korn dodger without produsing enny result, and i think i could starve to death twice before i could seduce a korn dodger.

They git the name dodger from the immegiate necessity ov dodgeing, if one iz hove horizontally at yu in anger.

It iz far better tew be smote bi a 3 year old steer, than a korn dodger, that iz only three hours old.

Korn was fust diskovered bi the injuns, but whare they found it I don’t kno, and i don’t know as i care.

Whiskee, (noble whiskee,) is made out ov korn, and whiskee is one ov the greatest blessings known tew man.

We never should hav bin able tew fill our state prizons with energetick men, and our poor-houses with good eaters, if it want for noble whiskee.

We never should have had enny temperance sons ov sosiety, nor demokratik pollyticians, nor prize fites, nor good murders, nor phatt aldermen, nor whiskee rings, nor nothing, if it want for blessed whiskee.

If it want for korn, how could ennyboddy git korned?

And if it want for gitting korned, what would life be worth?

We should all sink down to the level ov the brutes if it want for gitting korned.

The brutes don’t git korned, they haint got enny reason nor soul.

We often hear ov “drunken brutes,” this is a kompliment to oxen which dont belong tew them.

Korn also haz kurnels, and kurnels are often korned, so are brigadeer-ginerals.

Johnny kake is made out ov korn, so iz hasty puddin.

Hasty puddin and milk is quick tew eat.

All you hav got to do iz to gap, and swallo, and that iz the last ov the puddin.

Korn waz familiar tew antiquity. Joseph waz sent down 372 into Egipt after sum korn, but his brothers didn’t want him to go, so they took pitty on him and pitted him in a pit.

When his brothers got back hum, and were asked whare Joe waz, they didn’t acknowledge the korn, but lied sum.

It has been proved, that it iz wicked to lie about korn, or enny ov the other vegetables.

Thare iz this difference between lieing, and sawing wood, it iz easier to lie, espeshily in the shade.

Korn has got one thing that noboddy else has got, and that iz a kob.

This kob runs thru the middle ov the korn, and iz as phull ov korn as Job waz ov biles.

I alwus feel sorry when i think ov Job, and wonder how he managed tew set down in a chair.

Knowing how tew set down, square on a bile, without hurting the chair, iz one ov the lost arts.

Job waz a card, he had more pashunce, and biles, tew the square inch, than iz usual.

One hundred and twenty-five akers ov korn tew the bushel iz konsidered a good krop, but i have seen more.

I hav seen korn sold for 10 cents a bushel, and in sum parts of the western country, it iz so much, that thare aint no good law aginst stealing it.

In konklushun, if yu want tew git a sure crop ov korn, and a good price for the krop, feed about 4 quarts ov it to a shanghi rooster, then murder the rooster immejiately, and sell him for 17 cents a pound, krop and all.