Dry goods are worshiped in this world now more than the Lord iz.

Councilling with fear iz the way cowards are made; councilling with hope iz the way heroes are made; councilling with faith iz the way Christians are made.

Pleazure iz like a hornet—generally ends with a sting.

The most dangerous characters in the world are thoze who live in the subburbs ov virtew—they are rotten ice.

Lazyness iz a good deal like money—the more a man haz ov it, the more he seems tew want.

Thare iz no such thing az inheriting virtew; money and titles and fever sores kan be inherited.

The virtews of a convent are like hot-house fruits—tender, but tasteless.

Life iz like a mountain—after climbing up one side and sliding down the other, put up the sled.

When a man proves a literary failure, he generally sets up for a critick, and like the fox in the fable, who had lost hiz brush in a trap, kant see a nice long tail without hankering tew bob it.

The devil owes most ov his success tew the fackt that he iz alwus on hand.

Coquetts often beat up the game, while the Prudes bag it.

Thare iz only one excuse for impudence, and that iz ignoranse.

Modest men, in trieing tew be impudent, alwus git sassy.

Reputashun iz like money—the principal is often lost by putting it out at interest.

Jealousy is nothing more than vanity, for if we love another more than we do ourselfs we shant be jealous.

Thare iz lots ov folks in this world who, rather than not find enny fault at all, wouldn’t hesitate tew say tew an angle worm, that hiz tail waz altogether too long for the rest ov hiz boddy.

Thare iz menny who are kut out for smart men, but who won’t pay for making up.

Envy iz an insult tew a man’s good sense; for envy iz the pain we feel at the excellencies ov others.

How menny people thare iz whoze souls lay in them, like the pith in a goose quill.