Blush—The cream ov modesty.

Ginger-pop—Gimnastik water.

Man—Live dirt.

Friends—Books, paintings, and stuft birds.

Bashfullnes—Ignorance afraid.

Conservatism—A bag with a hole to it.

Radicalism—A hole with a bag to it.

Aristocrat—A demokrat with hiz pockets filled.

Politicks—The apology ov plunder.

Tin watch—Faith without works.

Mule—A bad pun on a horce.

Patience—Faith waiting for a nibble.

Sparking—Picking buds oph from the bush.

Malice—A blind mule kicking by guess.

Eternal—God’s epitaff.

Care—Cat pizen.

Faith—The soul riding anchor.

Bliss—Happiness bileing over and running down both sides ov the pot.

Marriage—An alter on whitch man lays hiz pocketbook and woman her luv letters.

Quack—A doktor whoze science lays in hiz bill.

Hash—A boarding-hous confidence game.

Fuss—An old hen with one chicken.

Twins—2 mutch.

Boarding-School—A place whare wry coffee and flirtashun iz taught.

Experiment—Energy out ov a job.

Perfection—God in man.

Virtue—That ingredient whitch needs no foil, and without whitch nothing else iz valuabel.

Solitude—A good place tew visit, but a poor place tew stay.

Sloth—Life in a tomb.

Health—A call loan.

Memory—The shadow that the soul casts.

Politeness—Sixty day paper.

Poverty—The only birthright that a man kant lose.

Accidents—The dismay ov phools, the wize man’s barometer.

Ease—Discounted time.

Wealth—Baggage at the risk ov the owner.

Trials—Whetstuns.

Fortune—The aggregate ov possibilitys; a goddess whom cowards count by stealth, but whom brave men take by storm.

Economy—A fust mortgage on wealth.

Enough—Jist a leetle more.

Dignity—Wisdum in tights.

Mischief—The maliss ov fun.

Cook—One who manufakters appetights.

Diseases—The whipping posts and branding irons ov luxury.

Drunkenness—Shame lost and shame found.

Cowardice—Pluck on ice.

Glutton—A man with a drunken appetight.

Examples—Foot prints in the wilderness.

Nunnery—Piety in chains.

Ignorance—Raw happiness.

Sin—A natral distemper, for which virtew haz bin discovered to be an antidote.

Friendship—One ov love’s pimps.

Envy—A disease original with Cain, but which hiz brother Abel afterward caught, and died suddenly ov.

Belle—A female boss ov the situation.

Fancy—The flirtashun ov truth.

Sarcasm—An undertaker in tears.

Sulks—Deff and dum madness.

Courting—A hugg and kiss match, generally a drawn game.

Fiction—A lie with holiday clothes on.

Hen—A lay member.

Law—The shackels ov liberty.

Science—The literature ov truth.

Deceit—A ded wasp with a live tail.

Babys—Dividend.

Miser—A wretch who haz dug out hiz heart tew sto away hiz munny in.

Misfortunes—A band ov vagrants, who liv on what they kan steal.

Spirituolist—A curb stone broker, who sells exchange on Ben Franklin & Co.

Inheritance—Second-hand goods, other people’s leavings.

Ironclads—Vessels ov wrath.

Grave Yard—A small patch ov land, cultivated by the dead, lieing between time and eternity.

Lap Dogs—A nucleus for affeckshun out ov a job.

Society—Burning on an alter natral rights, and then sacredly watching over the ashes.

Jealousy—Self love.

Stingyness—The bran ov economy.

Buck Saw—An instrument ov torture.

Bragadocio—One who pulls hiz own courage by the noze.

Anxiety—Milking a kicking heifer with one hand, and holding her by the tail with the other.

Swearing—The metalic currency ov loafers.

Judicious Benevolence—The brains ov the heart.

Blue Jay—The fop ov the forest.

Policy—“Honesty iz the best policy,” but policy iz not alwus the best honesty.

Bachelor—The hero ov a cot bedstead.

Club Houses—Whare the hen-pecked go tew sware, and smooth out their feathers.

Lie—The cowardice ov truth.

Skunk—An athletick animal, stronger than an elephant.