  Between a quarter-past and half-past eleven he was seated alone at a small table in the restaurant of the Grand Babylon. He had had no news of Mrs. Challice; she had not instantly telegraphed to Selwood Terrace, as he had wildly hoped. But in the boxes of Henry Leek, safely retrieved by the messenger from South Kensington Station, he had discovered one of his old dress-suits, not too old, and this dress-suit he had donned. The desire to move about unknown in the well-clad world, the world of the frequenters of costly hotels, the world to which he was accustomed, had overtaken him. Moreover, he felt hungry. Hence he had descended to the famous restaurant, whose wide windows were flung open to the illuminated majesty of the Thames Embankment. The pale cream room was nearly full of expensive women, and expending men, and silver-chained waiters whose skilled, noiseless, inhuman attentions were remunerated at the rate of about four-pence a minute. Music, the midnight food of love, floated scarce heard through the tinted atmosphere. It was the best imitation of Roman luxury that London could offer, and after Selwood Terrace and the rackety palace of no gratuities, Priam Farll enjoyed it as one enjoys home after strange climes. Next to his table was an empty table, set for two, to which were presently conducted, with due state, a young man, and a magnificent woman whose youth was slipping off her polished shoulders like a cloak. Priam Farll then overheard the following conversation:-- Man: Well, what are you going to have? Woman: But look here, little Charlie, you can't possibly afford to pay for this! Man: Never said I could. It's the paper that pays. So go ahead. Woman: Is Lord Nasing so keen as all that? Man: It isn't Lord Nasing. It's our brand new editor specially imported from Chicago. Woman: Will he last? Man: He'll last a hundred nights, say as long as the run of your piece. Then he'll get six months' screw and the boot. Woman: How much is six months' screw? Man: Three thousand. Woman: Well, I can hardly earn that myself. Man: Neither can I. But then you see we weren't born in Chicago. Woman: I've been offered a thousand dollars a week to go there, anyhow. Man: Why didn't you tell me that for the interview? I've spent two entire entr'actes in trying to get something interesting out of you, and there you go and keep a thing like that up your sleeve. It's not fair to an old and faithful admirer. I shall stick it in. Poulet chasseur? Woman: Oh no! Couldn't dream of it. Didn't you know I was dieting? Nothing saucy. No sugar. No bread. No tea. Thanks to that I've lost nearly a stone in six months. You know I was getting enormous. Man: Let me put that in, eh? Woman: Just try, and see what happens to you! Man: Well, shall we say a lettuce salad, and a Perrier and soda? I'm dieting, too. Waiter: Lettuce salad, and a Perrier and soda? Yes, sir. Woman: You aren't very gay. Man: Gay! You don't know all the yearnings of my soul. Don't imagine that because I'm a special of the Record I haven't got a soul. Woman: I suppose you've been reading that book, Omar Khayyam, that every one's talking about. Isn't that what it's called? Man: Has Omar Khayyam reached the theatrical world? Well, there's no doubt the earth does move, after all. Woman: A little more soda, please. And just a trifle less impudence. What book ought one to be reading, then? Man: Socialism's the thing just now. Read Wells on Socialism. It'll be all over the theatrical world in a few years' time. Woman: No fear! I can't bear Wells. He's always stirring up the dregs. I don't mind froth, but I do draw the line at dregs. What's the band playing? What have you been doing to-day? Is this lettuce? No, no! No bread. Didn't you hear me tell you? Man: I've been busy with the Priam Farll affair. Woman: Priam Farll? Man: Yes. Painter. You know. Woman: Oh yes. Him! I saw it on the posters. He's dead, it seems. Anything mysterious? Man: You bet! Very odd! Frightfully rich, you know! Yet he died in a wretched hovel of a place down off the Fulham Road. And his valet's disappeared. We had the first news of the death, through our arrangement with all the registrars' clerks in London. By the bye, don't give that away--it's our speciality. Nasing sent me off at once to write up the story. Woman: Story? Man: The particulars. We always call it a story in Fleet Street. Woman: What a good name! Well, did you find out anything interesting? Man: Not very much. I saw his cousin, Duncan Farll, a money-lending lawyer in Clement's Lane--he only heard of it because we telephoned to him. But the fellow would scarcely tell me anything at all. Woman: Really! I do hope there's something terrible. Man: Why? Woman: So that I can go to the inquest or the police court or whatever it is. That's why I always keep friendly with magistrates. It's so frightfully thrilling, sitting on the bench with them. Man: There won't be any inquest. But there's something queer in it. You see, Priam Farll was never in England. Always abroad; at those foreign hotels, wandering up and down. Woman (after a pause): I know. Man: What do you know? Woman: Will you promise not to chatter? Man: Yes. Woman: I met him once at an hotel at Ostend. He--well, he wanted most tremendously to paint my portrait. But I wouldn't let him. Man: Why not? Woman: If you knew what sort of man he was you wouldn't ask. Man: Oh! But look here, I say! You must let me use that in my story. Tell me all about it. Woman: Not for worlds. Man: He--he made up to you? Woman: Rather! Priam Farll (to himself): What a barefaced lie! Never was at Ostend in my life. Man: Can't I use it if I don't print your name--just say a distinguished actress. Woman: Oh yes, you can do that. You might say, of the musical comedy stage. Man: I will. I'll run something together. Trust me. Thanks awfully. At this point a young and emaciated priest passed up the room. Woman: Oh! Father Luke, is that you? Do come and sit here and be nice. This is Father Luke Widgery--Mr. Docksey, of the Record. Man: Delighted. Priest: Delighted. Woman: Now, Father Luke, I've just got to come to your sermon to-morrow. What's it about? Priest: Modern vice. Woman: How charming! I read the last one--it was lovely. Priest: Unless you have a ticket you'll never be able to get in. Woman: But I must get in. I'll come to the vestry door, if there is a vestry door at St. Bede's. Priest: It's impossible. You've no idea of the crush. And I've no favourites. Woman: Oh yes, you have! You have me. Priest: In my church, fashionable women must take their chance with the rest. Woman: How horrid you are. Priest: Perhaps. I may tell you, Miss Cohenson, that I've seen two duchesses standing at the back of the aisle of St. Bede's, and glad to be. Woman: But I shan't flatter you by standing at the back of your aisle, and you needn't think it. Haven't I given you a box before now? Priest: I only accepted the box as a matter of duty; it is part of my duty to go everywhere. Man: Come with me, Miss Cohenson. I've got two tickets for the Record. Woman: Oh, so you do send seats to the press? Priest: The press is different. Waiter, bring me half a bottle of Heidsieck. Waiter: Half a bottle of Heidsieck? Yes, sir. Woman: Heidsieck. Well, I like that. We're dieting. Priest: I don't like Heidsieck. But I'm dieting too. It's my doctor's orders. Every night before retiring. It appears that my system needs it. Maria Lady Rowndell insists on giving me a hundred a year to pay for it. It is her own beautiful way of helping the good cause. Ice, please, waiter. I've just been seeing her to-night. She's staying here for the season. Saves her a lot of trouble. She's very much cut up about the death of Priam Farll, poor thing! So artistic, you know! The late Lord Rowndell had what is supposed to be the finest lot of Farlls in England. Man: Did you ever meet Priam Farll, Father Luke? Priest: Never. I understand he was most eccentric. I hate eccentricity. I once wrote to him to ask him if he would paint a Holy Family for St. Bede's. Man: And what did he reply? Priest: He didn't reply. Considering that he wasn't even an R.A., I don't think that it was quite nice of him. However, Maria Lady Rowndell insists that he must be buried in Westminster Abbey. She asked me what I could do. Woman: Buried in Westminster Abbey! I'd no idea he was so big as all that! Gracious! Priest: I have the greatest confidence in Maria Lady Rowndell's taste, and certainly I bear no grudge. I may be able to arrange something. My uncle the Dean---- Man: Pardon me. I always understood that since you left the Church---- Priest: Since I joined the Church, you mean. There is but one. Man: Church of England, I meant. Priest: Ah! Man: Since you left the Church of England, there had been a breach between the Dean and yourself. Priest: Merely religious. Besides my sister is the Dean's favourite niece. And I am her favourite brother. My sister takes much interest in art. She has just painted a really exquisite tea-cosy for me. Of course the Dean ultimately settles these questions of national funerals, Hence... At this point the invisible orchestra began to play "God save the King." Woman: Oh! What a bore! Then nearly all the lights were extinguished. Waiter: Please, gentlemen! Gentlemen, please! Priest: You quite understand, Mr. Docksey, that I merely gave these family details in order to substantiate my statement that I may be able to arrange something. By the way, if you would care to have a typescript of my sermon to-morrow for the Record, you can have one by applying at the vestry. Waiter: Please, gentlemen! Man: So good of you. As regards the burial in Westminster Abbey, I think that the Record will support the project. I say I think. Priest: Maria Lady Rowndell will be grateful. Five-sixths of the remaining lights went out, and the entire company followed them. In the foyer there was a prodigious crush of opera cloaks, silk hats, and cigars, all jostling together. News arrived from the Strand that the weather had turned to rain, and all the intellect of the Grand Babylon was centred upon the British climate, exactly as if the British climate had been the latest discovery of science. As the doors swung to and fro, the stridency of whistles, the throbbing of motor-cars, and the hoarse cries of inhabitants of box seats mingled strangely with the delicate babble of the interior. Then, lo! as by magic, the foyer was empty save for the denizens of the hotel who could produce evidence of identity. It had been proved to demonstration, for the sixth time that week, that in the metropolis of the greatest of Empires there is not one law for the rich and another for the poor. Deeply affected by what he had overheard, Priam Farll rose in a lift and sought his bed. He perceived clearly that he had been among the governing classes of the realm.
|
|
