 
Hail, Happy Muse, and touch the tuneful string! The benefits conferred by Science Under the kind Examiners’ direction I only write about them in connection With benefits which the Electric Light Confers on us; especially at night. These are my theme, of these my song shall rise. My lofty head shall swell to strike the skies. And tears of hopeless love bedew the maiden’s eyes. Descend, O Muse, from thy divine abode, To Osney, on the Seven Bridges Road; For under Osney’s solitary shade The bulk of the Electric Light is made. Here are the works;—from hence the current flows Which (so the Company’s prospectus goes) Can furnish to Subscribers hour by hour No less than sixteen thousand candle power, All at a thousand volts. (It is essential To keep the current at this high potential In spite of the considerable expense.) The Energy developed represents, Expressed in foot-tons, the united forces Of fifteen elephants and forty horses. But shall my scientific detail thus Clip the dear wings of Buoyant Pegasus? Shall pure statistics jar upon the ear That pants for Lyric accents loud and clear? Shall I describe the complex Dynamo Or write about its Commutator? No! To happier fields I lead my wanton pen, The proper study of mankind is men. Awake, my Muse! Portray the pleasing sight That meets us where they make Electric Light. Behold the Electrician where he stands: Soot, oil, and verdigris are on his hands; Large spots of grease defile his dirty clothes, The while his conversation drips with oaths. Shall such a being perish in its youth? Alas! it is indeed the fatal truth. In that dull brain, beneath that hair unkempt, Familiarity has bred contempt. We warn him of the gesture all too late: Oh, Heartless Jove! Oh, Adamantine Fate! Some random touch—a hand’s imprudent slip— The Terminals—a flash—a sound like “Zip!” A smell of burning fills the started Air— The Electrician is no longer there! But let us turn with true Artistic scorn From facts funereal and from views forlorn Of Erebus and Blackest midnight born. Arouse thee, Muse! and chaunt in accents rich The interesting processes by which The Electricity is passed along: These are my theme: to these I bend my song. It runs encased in wood or porous brick Through copper wires two millimetres thick, And insulated on their dangerous mission By indiarubber, silk, or composition. Here you may put with critical felicity The following question: “What is Electricity?” “Molecular Activity,” say some, Others when asked say nothing, and are dumb. Whatever be its nature, this is clear: The rapid current checked in its career, Baulked in its race and halted in its course Transforms to heat and light its latent force: It needs no pedant in the lecturer’s chair To prove that light and heat are present there. The pear-shaped vacuum globe, I understand, Is far too hot to fondle with the hand. While, as is patent to the meanest sight, The carbon filament is very bright. As for the lights they hang about the town, Some praise them highly, others run them down. This system (technically called the Arc), Makes some passages too light, others too dark. But in the house the soft and constant rays Have always met with universal praise. For instance: if you want to read in bed No candle burns beside your curtain’s head, Far from some distant corner of the room The incandescent lamp dispels the gloom, And with the largest print need hardly try The powers of any young and vigorous eye. Aroint thee, Muse! Inspired the poet sings! I cannot help observing future things! Life is a vale, its paths are dark and rough Only because we do not know enough: When Science has discovered something more We shall be happier than we were before. Hail, Britain, Mistress of the Azure Main, Ten thousand Fleets sweep over thee in vain! Hail, Mighty Mother of the Brave and Free, That beat Napoleon, and gave birth to me! Thou that canst wrap in thine emblazoned robe One quarter of the habitable globe. Thy mountains, wafted by a favouring breeze, Like mighty rocks withstand the stormy seas. Thou art a Christian Commonwealth; and yet Be thou not all unthankful—nor forget As thou exultest in Imperial Might The Benefits of the Electric Light. FOOTNOTES: |
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