[64.] In his little tract he chaffs the people most unmercifully, yet very quietly, at times so much so that one might almost think it written in earnest. For instance: "A Usurer that was to receive money of a country man that was his debter on that day, durst not to venter fourth of his house; by which meanes the man rid forth out of London and paid not in his moneyes, for which cause the Usurer was about to cut his own throat, and had don it, if he had not bin prevented by some of his Neighboures.
Some other Christians were so fearefull of what would befall, that they sent their maids two dayes before Black monday for to fetch in faire water in a redynesse to wash, fearing that the ayre would infect the water.
Some tooke Medicines, Pils, and Antidotes, which was administred unto them by a supposed out landish doctor, which he had set bils for in severall places, caling his Medicines, an Antidote against the tirrible Eclipes of the Sun, so he got money, and they went away as wise as woodcockes."
Ben Jonson, in "The Alchemist" gives a very vivid and amusing picture of an astrologer and his gull. Act 1, Scene 3. Subtle (the astrologer), Face (his agent), Drugger (a tobacconist).
[65.]Subtle. What is your name, say you, Abel Drugger?
Drugger.Yes Sir,
Sub. A Seller of Tobacco?
Dru.Yes, Sir
Sub.'Umh,
Free of the Grocers?96
Dru.I, and't please you.
Sub.Well,
Your business Abel?
Dru.This, and't please your Worship,
I am a yong beginner, and am building
Of a new shop, and't like your worship, just
At Corner of a Street: (Here's the plot on't.)
And I would know, by art, Sir, of your Worship,
Which way I should make my dore, by Necromancie.
And where my Shelves. And which should be for Boxes,
And which for Potts. I would be glad to thrive, Sir,
And, I was wish'd to your Worship by a Gentleman,
One Captaine Face, that say's you know mens Planets,
And their good Angels, and their bad.
Sub.I doe
If I do see 'hem.97
Face. What! my honest Abel?
Thou art well met here.
Dru. Troth, Sir, I was speaking
Just as your Worship came here, of your Worship.
I pray you, speake for me to Mr Doctor.
Face. He shall doe anything. Doctor, doe you heare?
This is my friend, Abel, an honest fellow.
......
Sub. H'is a fortunate fellow, that I am sure on.
Face. Already, Sir, ha' you found it? Lo' the Abel!
Sub. And in right way to'ward riches.
Face.Sir!
Sub.This Summer
He will be of the Clothing98 of his Company.
And, next spring, call'd to the Scarlet.99 Spend what he can.
Face. What, and so little Beard?
Sub.Sir, you must thinke,
He may have a receipt to make hayre come.
But he'll be wise, preserve his youth, and fine100 for't.
His fortune lookes for him, another way.
Face. 'Slid, Doctor, how canst thou know this so soone?
I am amus'd at that!
Sub.By a rule, Captayne
In Metaposcopie which I doe worke by,
A certaine Starre i' the forehead, which you see not.
Your Chest-nut, or your Olive colourd face
Do's never fayle; and your long Eare doth promise.
I knew't, by certaine spotts too, in his teeth,
And on the nayle of his Mercurial finger.
Face. Which finger's that?
Sub.His little finger, Looke.
Yo' were borne upon a Wensday.
Drug.Yes, indeed, Sir.
Sub. The Thumbe, in Chiromantie, we give Venus;
The Fore-finger to Iove; the Midst, to Saturne;
The Ring to Sol, the Least to Mercurie,
Who was the Lord, Sir, of his Horoscope,
His House of Life being Libra. Which foreshew'd
He should be a Marchant, and should trade with Ballance.
Face. Why, this is strange! Is't not, honest Nab?
Sub. There is a Ship now, comming from Ormu's,
That shall yeeld him such a Commoditie
Of Drugs. This is the West, and this the South?
Drug. Yes Sir.
Sub.And those are your two sides!
Drug.I, Sir.
Sub. Make me your Dore, then, South; your broad side, West;
And, on the East-side of your shop, aloft,
Write Mathlaj, Tarmiel, and Baraborat;
Upon the North-part Rael, Velel, Thiel,
These are the names of those Mercurian Spirits,
That doe fright flyes from boxes.
Drug.Yes Sir,
Sub.And
Beneath your threshold, bury me a Loade stone
To draw in Gallants that weare spurres; The rest
Theyll seeme to follow.
In this play, too, Alchemy is scarified, as is also the Puritanism of the age.
[12.]A very drunken Sot
The Hickock had got,
Cause he drank Rosa Solis and Aqua VitÆ;
Such Latine drink that he
Declines Hic, Hoc, very free,
But such English words as wou'd fright ye.
[52.] A poore man travelling from door to door a begging, being lately come from Paris, a City in France, being invited by hunger to a good simple Country Swain's doore, to aske his almes; his wife asked him what he was, and from whence he came? Quoth the fellow, from Paris. From Paradise (quoth she) then thou knowest my old John there (meaning her former husband) I, quoth the fellow, that I doe. I pray thee (quoth she) how doth he doe? Faith (quoth the fellow) poore, he hath meat and drinke enough, but wants cloathes and mony. Alas, quoth she, I am sory for it, I pray thee stay a little; and, running up into her Chamber, fetcht downe her husbands new sute of cloathes, and five shillings in mony, and gave it to the fellow, saying, I pray thee remember me to my poore John, and give him this sute of clothes, and five shillings from me, and wrapt them up in a Fardle,101 which the fellow took, and away he went. Presently her husband came home, and found her very pleasant and merry, singing up and downe the house, which she seldome used to doe, and he asked her the cause, Oh, husband, quoth she, I have heard from my old John to-day, he is in Paradise, and is very well, but wants clothes and mony, but I have sent him thy best sute, and five shillings in mony. Her husband seeing she was cozened, enquired of her which way the fellow went that had them. Yonder way, quoth she: he presently took his best horse, Hob, and rode after him for the clothes. The fellow seeing one ride so fast after him, threw the clothes into a ditch, and went softly forward; her husband overtaking the fellow, said, Didst not see one go this way with a little fardle of clothes at his back? Yes, quoth the fellow, he is newly gone into yonder little Wood. Oh, hold my horse, quoth he, whilst I runne in and finde him out. I will, quoth the fellow, who presently, as soon as he was gone into the wood, took up his fardell, leapt on horseback, and away he went: The Man returning for his horse, his horse was gone; then going home to his wife, she asked him if he overtook the fellow. I, sweet heart, quoth he, and I have lent him my best horse to ride on, for it is a great long way to Paradise. Truly, husband, quoth she, and I shall love thee the better so long as I live, for making so much of my old John. Which caused much good laughter to all that heard it.
[5.]Tom vow'd to beat his boy against the wall,
And as he strucke, he forth-with caught a fall:
The boy deriding said, I doe averre,
Y'have done a thing, you cannot stand to, Sir.
[32.] What is that goeth about the wood and cannot get in?
Solution. It is the bark of a tree, for never is the bark within the tree, but alwayes without.
