John Ashton

or

A Dialogue between Two Amorous Ladies, E.G.¹¹⁹ and D.P.¹²⁰

Dame Portsmouth was design'd for France,

But therein was prevented;

Who mourns at this Unhappy Chance,

and sadly doth lament it.

To the Tune of, Tom the Taylor, Or, Titus Oats.

FINIS.

Printed for C. Dennisson¹²¹ at the Stationer's Arms, within Aldgate.

¹¹⁹ Eleanor, or Nell, Gwynne.

¹²⁰ Louise de Querouaille, Duchess of Portsmouth, a mistress of Charles II. from whom are descended the Dukes of Richmond, died November 1734, aged 88. This ballad was evidently written soon after the king's death in 1685.

¹²¹ He published from 1685 to 1689.

It will be seen by the foregoing supposed portraits of Nell Gwynne and the Duchess of Portsmouth (which, by the way, do plenty of duty in other ballads) that the patching of this age among women was in somewhat fantastic form, such a patch as a coach and four not being unknown; but few know that the mercers (or linen-drapers, as we now call them) patched themselves in order to show the effect to their fair customers. The annexed example shows one who holds a lady's vizard, or mask, for they did not then wear veils, which are quite a modern invention, together with a feather-fan and some ribands, or, as the frontispiece of the book records, divulging the secrets of the toilet.

Unfortunately this little penny book is generally too broad in its humour to be reprinted; but one extract, which may be reproduced, will suffice to show its quality:—"Come who buys my new Fashion'd Periwigs, if there be any manner of Single man, Widdower, or Batchelor that thinks his owne naturall Haire not good enough for him, here is Jack in a box, that will fit him to a haire, with all sorts of Periwigs, and all sorts of colours and fashions, both long Haire, or short Haire, Flaxen haire, or yellow haire, black, blew, red, tawny, browne, or Abraham¹²² Colour, thats halfe Nits, and half Lice; or if any bauld pated fellow among you that have lost his hair off from his head, I have a Periwig for him of goodly long Haire, that will hang downe and cover all his shoulders, and that may serve to cover all his knavery: or, if any younger Brothers that desires to have their naturall Haire that growes upon their heads Dyed of another Colour? here are all sorts of powders, of several colours and Fashions, that will doe the trick gallantly."

¹²² Nares thinks that Abram-coloured hair is a corruption for auburn, but it is just possible that, being a patriarch, very gray or white hair is meant.

To one that desired me not to name him.

[4.] A Scholar meeting a Countreyman upon the Road rid up very briskly to him; but the Countreyman, out of respect to him was turning off his Horse to give him the Road, when the Scholar, laying his Hand upon his Sword, said, 'Tis well you gave me the Way, or I'd—— What wou'd you have done? said the Countreyman, holding up his Club at him—— Given it to you, Sir, says he, pulling off his Hat to him.

[17.] One wondred there was so many Pick pockets about London, seeing there's a Watch at every corner: Pah, says another, they'd as willingly meet with a watch as any thing else.

[61.] A mad young Gallant, having rid as he feared, out of his way, overtook a blunt Country fellow, and asked him, which was the way to Salesbury? The Country man, intending not only to set him right: but withall to know whether or no he had committed any error in his way thither, asked him as the manner is, from whence he came, to which the surly Gallant answered, Why what is that to you, from whence I came? You say true Master, quoth the Bumkin, It is nothing to me from whence you come, nor whether you goe. So he walkt away with his hands coupled behind him, and left the gentle fool to study out his way to Salesbury.

To review, or even to largely quote from the dramatists of the seventeenth century is not within the scope of this work, but I cannot refrain (because they are so scarce) from giving a sample of one of the "Drolls," as they were called—short plays performed in booths at the fairs, and very often abbreviated versions of the legitimate drama, as "Bottom the Weaver," from A Midsummer's Night's Dream; "The Humours of the Gravemakers," from Hamlet. In fact, as the preface to the book [75.], whence the accompanying Droll is taken, states, "The most part of these Pieces were written by such Penmen as were known to be the ablest Artists that ever this Nation produced, by Name, Shake-spear, Fletcher, Johnson, Shirley, and others; and these Collections are the very Souls of their writings, if the witty part thereof may be so termed: And the other small Pieces composed by several other Authors, are such as have been of great fame in this last Age, when the publique Theatres were shut up, and the Actors forbidden to present us with any of their Tragedies, because we had enough of that in earnest, and Comedies, because the Vices of the Age were too lively and smartly represented; then all that we could divert our selves with, were these humours and pieces of Plays, which passing under the Name of a merry Conceited Fellow, called Bottom the Weaver, Simpleton the Smith, John Swabber, or some such Title, were only allowed us, and that by stealth too, and under pretence of Rope-dancing, or the like; and these being all that was permitted us, great was the confluence of the Auditors; and these small things were as profitable, and as great get-pennies to the Actors¹²³ as any of our late famed Plays. I have seen the Red Bull¹²⁴ Playhouse, which was a large one, so full that as many went back for want of room as had entred; and as meanly as you may now think of these Drols, they were then acted by the best Comedians then and now in being; and I may say, by some that then exceeded all now Living; by Name, the incomparable Robert Cox who was not only the principal Actor, but also the Contriver and Author of most of these Farces. How have I heard him cryed up for his John Swabber, and Simpleton the Smith? In which he being to appear with a large piece of Bread and Butter, I have frequently known several of the Female Spectators and Auditors to long for some of it: and once that well known Natural, Jack Adams of Clarkenwel, seeing him with Bread and Butter on the Stage, and knowing him, cryed out, Cuz, Cuz, give me some, give me some; to the great pleasure of the Audience. And so Naturally did he Act the Smith's part, that being at a Fair in a Countrey Town, and that Farce being presented, the only Master Smith of the Town came to him, saying, well, although your Father speaks so ill of you, yet when the Fair is done, if you will come and work with me, I will give you twelve pence a week more than I give any other Journey-Man. Thus was he taken for a Smith bred, that was indeed as much of any Trade.

... Thus were these Compositions liked and approved by all, and they were the fittest for the Actors to represent, there being little Cost in Cloaths, which often were in great danger to be seized by the then Souldiers, who, as the Poet sayes, Enter the Red Coat, Exit Hat and Cloak, was very true, not only in the Audience, but the Actors too, were commonly, not only strip'd, but many times imprisoned, till they paid such Ransom as the Souldiers would impose upon them; so that it was hazardous to Act any thing that required any good Cloaths, instead of which painted Cloath many times served the turn to represent Rich Habits ... and this painting puts me in mind of a piece I once saw in a Country Inn, where was, with the best skill of the Workman represented King Pharaoh with Moses and Aaron, and some others, to explain which figures, was added this piece of Poetry

The Painting was in every wayes as defective and lame as the Poetry, for I believe he who pictured King Pharaoh, had never seen a King in his life, for all the Majesty he was represented with was goggle Eyes, that his Picture might be answerable to the Verse."

We see by the above extract that much was not expected in a Droll; and, verily, few could have been disappointed. To modern taste the humour of the majority is too coarse; and, therefore, I have been obliged to take, as an exemplar, the most innocent of its class.

¹²³ It is a curious fact that both Nares and Halliwell, in their glossaries, describe Drolls as being puppet shows, when, as is shown, they were acted by living people.

¹²⁴ This theatre was in Clerkenwell, at the corner of what is now Woodbridge Street, and here acted (in October 1617, if not again) Edward Alleyn, the founder of Dulwich College. It is frequently mentioned in contemporary books, notably by Prynne in his Histrio Martix, and by Pepys in his Diary, 4th August 1660, and 23d March and 26th May 1662.