[23.]One night at a very late hour

a Watchmaker home did repair;

When coming along by the Tower,

was stopp'd by the Constable there.

Friend, come before Mr Constable,

to see what his Worship will say,

You'd have me do more than I'm able,

I fear I shall fall by the way.

Sir, tell me, and do not deceive me,

where have you been playing your part?

Kind Mr Constable, believe me,

where you'd have been with al your heart.

Sweet Bacchus in Bumpers were flowing,

which Liquor all mortal Men chears,

And now, after all, I am going,

where you dare not come for your Ears.

Your Words they are sawcy and evil,

this may be a Charge to your Purse;

For why? you are something uncivil,

to answer a Constable thus.

Oh, where do you dwell with a whennion?³⁹

cross Humours we will not allow,

Sir, out of the King's own Dominion,

pray, what can you say to me now?

Pray what is your name you cross Villain;

be sure that you answer me true;

Why, Sir, It is just Twenty Shilling,

I think I have satisfied you.

What Trade are you, Brewer or Baker?

or do you a Waterman ply?

No, Sir, I'm an honest Watch-maker,

my Trade I will never deny.

Have you e'er a Watch you can show, Sir,?

we'll see how it sutes with our Clocks;

Yes, faith, and a Constable too, Sir.

I wish you were all in the Stocks.

You Sawcy impertinent Fellow,

because you have answered me so,

Although your mad Brains they be mellow,

this Night to a Prison you go.

Therefore without any more dodging,

the Lanthorns was lighted streightway;

They guarded him to his strong Lodging,

to lye there while Nine the next day.

Next Morning the Constable brought him.

before a Justice to appear,

And earnestly then he besought him,

a Sorrowfull Story to hear.

Of all the Transactions he told him,

to which the good Justice reply'd,

From Liberty he would withold him,

till the Naked Truth should be try'd.

The Tradesman returned this Answer,

the Truth I will never deny;

If I may speak without Offence, Sir,

I scorn to be catch'd in a Lye.

I said nothing which was unfitting,

as solemnly here I profess;

The King, he is King of Great Britain

and I live in Britain the less.⁴⁰

The next thing that causes the Trouble,

my Name he would have me to show,

The which is right honest Mark Noble,⁴¹

and that's Twenty Shillings you know.

Then asking me where I was going,

and I being void of all Fears,

Right readily made him this Answer,

where he dare not go for his Ears.

I rambl'd all day, yet the Centre,

at night was to lye by my Wife,

Instead of his Ears, should he venture,

i' faith it might cost him his Life.

Now when he had given this Relation,

of all that had past in the night,

It yielded most pleasant Diversion,

the Justice he laughed outright.

It seems that a Glass of Canary,

conducted the Gallant along:

I find that he's nothing but merry,

intending no manner of wrong.

Therefore I will free him from Prison

without any Charges or Fees,

It being no more than right reason,

you watch not for such men as these.

[12.]One did ask why B

Was set before C,

And did much desire to know;

Why, a man must be,

Before he can see,

And I think I have hit on't now.

[6.]In elder times an ancient custome was

To sweare in weighty matters by the Masse.

But when the Masse went downe (as old men note)

They sware then by the Crosse of this same grote.⁴²

But when the Crosse was likewise held in scorne,

Then by their faith, the common oth was sworne.

Last, having sworne away all faith and troth,

Only God damn them is the common oth.

Thus custome kept decorum by gradation,

That losing Masse, Crosse, Faith, they find damnation.

[24.]Meg and her husband Tom, not long agoe,

Were at it close, exchanging blow for blow.

Both being eager, both of a stout heart,

Endured many a bang ere they would part.

Peter lookt on & would not stint the strife,

He's curst (quoth he) that parteth man and wife.