Conversation is a difficult art, but do not despair of acquiring it. It consists not so much in saying something different from the rest, but in extending the remarks of others; in being willing to please and be pleased; and in being attentive to what is said and to what is passing around you. Talking is not conversation, it is the manner of saying things which gives them their value.

XLIII.

One of the greatest requisites, also, is the art of listening discreetly. To listen is a delicate piece of flattery, and a compliment so gratifying as to surely recommend you.

XLIV.

Cultivate a soft tone of voice and a courteous mode of expression.

XLV.

It is better to say too little than too much in company: let your conversation be consistent with your sex and age.

XLVI.

Cautiously avoid relating in one house any follies or faults you may hear or see in another.

XLVII.

Never converse with strangers or mere acquaintances upon family circumstances or differences.

XLVIII.

Do not look for faults in the characters or habits of your friends—the critic generally likes to communicate her opinions or discoveries—hence arises a habit of detraction.

XLIX.

Never encourage tattling or detraction; if there were no listeners this petty vice could not exist; besides, the habit of listening to this sort of gossip will soon induce you to participate, by similar communications.

L.

Abjure punning, and exercising even the most refined RAILLERY: the latter requires both observation and talent, and most people mistake satire for raillery; the one may be the offspring of a vicious, the former must be of an enlightened and benevolent mind.

LI.

Do not appear abstracted while another person is speaking; and never interrupt another by intruding a remark of your own.

LII.

Avoid pedantry and dogmatism. Be not obtrusively positive in the assertion of your opinions—modesty of speech, as well as manner, is highly ornamental in a woman.

LIII.

Double entendre is detestable in a woman, especially when perpetrated in the presence of men; no man of taste can respect a woman who is guilty of it: though it may create a laugh, it will inevitably excite also disgust in the minds of all whose good opinions are worth acquiring. Therefore not only avoid all indelicate expressions, but appear not to understand any that may be uttered in your presence.

LIV.

Rather be silent than talk nonsense, unless you have that agreeable art, possessed by some women, of investing little nothings with an air of grace and interest; this most enviable art is indeed very desirable in a hostess, as it often fills up disagreeable pauses, and serves as a prelude for the introduction of more intellectual matter.

LV.

Flattery is a powerful weapon in conversation; all are susceptible to it. It should be used skilfully, never direct, but inferred; better acted than uttered. Let it seem to be the unwitting and even the unwilling expression of genuine admiration, the honest expression of the feelings.

LVI.

Do not (except with a view to improvement) introduce subjects with which you are but superficially acquainted. If you should do so with the idea that all others present are equally or more ignorant than yourself, you may be very disagreeably undeceived, by some quiet, unpresuming person, who may have been listening to the development of your ignorance.

LVII.

Do not use the terms “genteel people;” “This, that, or the other, is very genteel.” Substitute for them, “They are highly accomplished;” “he is a gentlemanly man;” “that has a gentlemanly appearance;” “she has the manners of a gentlewoman.”

LVIII.

It is not good taste for a lady to say “Yes, Sir,” and “No, Sir,” to a gentleman, or frequently to introduce the word “Sir” at the end of her sentence, unless she desire to be exceedingly reserved toward the person with whom she is conversing.

LIX.

Do not introduce proverbs and cant phrases; a well educated lady can always find words to express her meaning, without resorting to these.

LX.

Never introduce your own affairs for the amusement of the company; such discussions cannot be interesting to others, and the probability is that the most patient listener is laying the foundation for some tale to make you appear ridiculous.

LXI.

It is not contrary to good-breeding to laugh in company, and even to laugh heartily when there is anything amusing going on; this is nothing more than being sociable. To remain prim and precise on such occasions, is sheer affectation. Avoid, however, what is called the “horse-laugh.”

LXII.

Never laugh at your own remarks; it may be a very agreeable excitation, but it invariably spoils what you are saying.

LXIII.

If you are a wit, do not let your witty remarks engross the whole conversation, as it wounds the self-love of your hearers, who also wish to be heard, and becomes excessively fatiguing.

LXIV.

Do not address persons by the initial of their names; “Mrs. A. says this;” “Mrs. B. does that;” it is a mark of vulgarity.