From Thursday, August 4, to Saturday, August 6, 1709.

White's Chocolate-house, August 5.

The History of Orlando the Fair.[21] Chap. II.

Fortune being now propitious to the gay Orlando, he dressed, he spoke, he moved, as a man might be supposed to do in a nation of pigmies, and had an equal value for our approbation or dislike. It is usual for those who profess a contempt of the world, to fly from it and live in obscurity; but Orlando, with a greater magnanimity, contemned it, and appeared in it to tell them so. If therefore his exalted mien met with an unwelcome reception, he was sure always to double the cause which gave the distaste. You see our beauties affect a negligence in the ornament of their hair, and adjusting their head-dresses, as conscious that they adorn whatever they wear. Orlando had not only this humour in common with other beauties, but also had a neglect whether things became him or not, in a world he contemned. For this reason, a noble particularity appeared in all his economy, furniture, and equipage. And to convince the present little race, how unequal all their measures were to an antediluvian, as he called himself, in respect of the insects which now appear for men, he sometimes rode in an open tumbril,[22] of less size than ordinary, to show the largeness of his limbs, and the grandeur, of his personage, to the greater advantage: at other seasons, all his appointments had a magnificence, as if it were formed by the genius of Trimalchio[23] of old, which showed itself in doing ordinary things with an air of pomp and grandeur.[24] Orlando therefore called for tea by beat of drum; his valet got ready to shave him by a trumpet "To horse"; and water was brought for his teeth when the sound was changed to "Boots and saddle."

In all these glorious excesses from the common practice, did the happy Orlando live and reign in an uninterrupted tranquillity, till an unlucky accident brought to his remembrance, that one evening he was married before he courted the nuptials of Villaria.[25] Several fatal memorandums were produced to revive the memory of this accident, and the unhappy lover was for ever banished her presence, to whom he owed the support of his just renown and gallantry. But distress does not debase noble minds; it only changes the scene, and gives them new glory by that alteration. Orlando therefore now raves in a garret,[26] and calls to his neighbour-skies to pity his dolors, and find redress for an unhappy lover. All high spirits, in any great agitation of mind, are inclined to relieve themselves by poetry. The renowned porter of Oliver[27] had not more volumes around his cell in the College of Bedlam, than Orlando in his present apartment. And though inserting poetry in the midst of prose be thought a licence among correct writers not to be indulged, it is hoped, the necessity of doing it to give a just idea of the hero of whom we treat, will plead for the liberty we shall hereafter take, to print Orlando's soliloquies in verse and prose, after the manner of great wits, and such as those to whom they are nearly allied.

Will's Coffee-house, August 5.

A great deal of good company of us were this day to see, or rather to hear, an artful person[28] do several feats of activity with his throat and windpipe. The first thing wherewith he presented us, was a ring of bells, which he imitated in a most miraculous manner; after that he gave us all the different notes of a pack of hounds, to our great delight and astonishment. The company expressed their applause with much noise; and never was heard such an harmony of men and dogs: but a certain plump merry fellow, from an angle of the room, fell a crowing like a cock so ingeniously, that he won our hearts from the other operator in an instant. As soon as I saw him, I recollected I had seen him on the stage, and immediately knew it to be Tom Mirrour, the comical actor.[29] He immediately addressed himself to me, and told me, he was surprised to see a virtuoso take satisfaction in any representations below that of human life; and asked me, whether I thought this acting bells and dogs was to be considered under the notion of wit, humour, or satire? "Were it not better," continued he, "to have some particular picture of man laid before your eyes, that might incite your laughter?" He had no sooner spoke the word, but he immediately quitted his natural shape, and talked to me in a very different air and tone from what he had used before; upon which all that sat near us laughed; but I saw no distortion in his countenance, or anything that appeared to me disagreeable. I asked Pacolet, what meant that sudden whisper about us? For I could not take the jest. He answered: "The gentleman you were talking to, assumed your air and countenance so exactly, that all fell a laughing to see how little you knew yourself, or how much you were enamoured with your own image. But that person," continued my monitor, "if men would make the right use of him, might be as instrumental to their reforming errors in gesture, language, and speech, as a dancing-master, linguist, or orator. You see he laid yourself before you with so much address, that you saw nothing particular in his behaviour: he has so happy a knack of representing errors and imperfections, that you can bear your faults in him as well as in yourself: he is the first mimic that ever gave the beauties, as well as the deformities, of the man he acted. What Mr. Dryden said of a very great man[30] may be well applied to him:

He is
Not one, but all mankind's epitome."

You are to know, that this pantomime may be said to be a species of himself. He has no commerce with the rest of mankind, but as they are the objects of imitation; like the Indian fowl, called the mock-bird, who has no note of his own, but hits every sound in the wood as soon as he hears it; so that Mirrour is at once a copy and an original. Poor Mirrour's fate (as well as talent) is like that of the bird we just now spoke of. The nightingale, the linnet, the lark, are delighted with his company; but the buzzard, the crow, and the owl, are observed to be his mortal enemies. Whenever Sophronius meets Mirrour, he receives him with civility and respect, and well knows, a good copy of himself can be no injury to him; but Bathillus shuns the street where he expects to meet him; for he that knows his every step and look is constrained and affected, must be afraid to be rivalled in his action, and of having it discovered to be unnatural, by its being practised by another as well as himself.

From my own Apartment, August 5.

Letters from Coventry and other places have been sent to me, in answer to what I have said in relation to my antagonist Mr. Powell,[31] and advise me, with warm language, to keep to subjects more proper for me than such high points. But the writers of these epistles mistake the use and service I propose to the learned world by such observations: for you are to understand, that the title of this paper gives me a right in taking to myself, and inserting in it, all such parts of any book or letter which are foreign to the purpose intended, or professed by the writer: so that suppose two great divines should argue, and treat each other with warmth and levity unbecoming their subject or character, all that they say unfit for that place is very proper to be inserted here. Therefore from time to time, in all writings which shall hereafter be published, you shall have from me extracts of all that shall appear not to the purpose; and for the benefit of the gentle reader, I will show what to turn over unread and what to peruse. For this end I have a mathematical sieve preparing, in which I will sift every page and paragraph, and all that falls through I shall make bold with for my own use. The same thing will be as beneficial in speech; for all superfluous expressions in talk fall to me also: as, when a pleader at the Bar designs to be extremely impertinent and troublesome, and cries, "Under favour of the Court——With submission, my lord——I humbly offer——" and, "I think I have well considered this matter; for I would be very far from trifling with your lordship's time, or trespassing upon your patience——However, thus I will venture to say"—and so forth. Or else, when a sufficiently self-conceited coxcomb is bringing out something in his own praise, and begins, "Without vanity, I must take this upon me to assert." There is also a trick which the fair sex have, that will greatly contribute to swell my volumes: as, when a woman is going to abuse her best friend, "Pray," says she, "have you heard what I said of Mrs. such a one: I am heartily sorry to hear anything of that kind, of one I have so great a value for; but they make no scruple of telling it; and it was not spoken of to me as a secret, for now all the town rings of it." All such flowers in rhetoric, and little refuges for malice, are to be noted, and naturally belong only to Tatlers. By this method you will immediately find volumes contract themselves into octavos, and the labour of a fortnight got over in half a day.

St. James's Coffee-house, August 5.

Last night arrived a mail from Lisbon, which gives a very pleasing account of the posture of affairs in that part of the world, the enemy having been necessitated wholly to abandon the blockade of Olivenza. These advices say that Sir John Jennings[32] was arrived at Lisbon. When that gentleman left Barcelona, his Catholic Majesty was taking all possible methods for carrying on an offensive war. It is observed with great satisfaction in the Court of Spain, that there is a very good intelligence between the general officers; Count Staremberg and Mr. Stanhope[33] acting in all things with such unanimity, that the public affairs receive great advantages from their personal friendship and esteem to each other, and mutual assistance in promoting the service of the common cause.

This is to give notice that if any able-bodied Palatine will enter into the bonds of matrimony with Betty Pepin,[34] the said Palatine shall be settled in a freehold of 40s. per annum in the County of Middlesex.[35]

[21] Beau Feilding. See No. 50.