It Happens in the B. R. Families WITH THE CUSTOMARY OBEISANCES 'Twas on the shores that round our coast From Deal to Newport lie That I roused from sleep in a huddled heap An elderly wealthy guy. His hair was graying, his hair was long, And graying and long was he; And I heard this grouch on the shore avouch, In a singular jazzless key: "Oh, I am a cook and a waitress trim And the maid of the second floor, And a strong chauffeur and a housekeep er . And the man who tends the door!" And he shook his fists and he tore his hair, And he started to frisk and play, Till I couldn't help thinking the man had been drinking, So I said (in the Gilbert way): "Oh, elderly man, I don't know much Of the ways of societee, But I'll eat my friend if I comprehend However you can be "At once a cook and a waitress trim And the maid of the second floor, And a strong chauffeur and a housekeep er , And the man who tends the door." Then he smooths his hair with a nervous air, And a gulp in his throat he swallows, And that elderly guy he then lets fly Substantially as follows: "We had a house down Newport way, And we led a simple life; There was only I," said the elderly guy, "And my daughter and my wife. "And of course the cook and the waitress trim And the maid of the second floor, And a strong chauffeur and a housekeep er , And the man who tends the door. "One day the cook she up and left, She up and left us flat. She was getting a hundred and ten a mon- Th, but she couldn't work for that. "And the waitress trim was her bosom friend, And she wouldn't stay no more; And our strong chauffeur eloped with her Who was maid of the second floor. "And we couldn't get no other help, So I had to cook and wait. It was quite absurd," wept the elderly bird. "I deserve a better fate. "And I drove the car and I made the beds Till the housekeeper up and quit; And the man at the door found that a bore, Which is why I am, to wit: "At once a cook and a waitress trim And the maid of the second floor, And a strong chauffeur and a housekeep er , And the man who tends the door."